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Football over surgery?!
Ok so I kind of know what I need to do but also need a moment to get things off my chest....
I've been with the same man for 3 years now, on and off. We recently got back together following his lecture about how he's grown up and ready for a commitment.
I knew I was getting surgery this year and I was given a date, November 13th. When I went in for a check up on Monday morning, he advised me that he had a cancellation and was ready to do it on the 23rd... next Wednesday. I have been waiting for this surgery for over a year now. I am worried and stressed, just like any other person would be. It's also the first time I will be spending an overnight stay at the hospital.
Anywho, my bf told me yesterday that he had bought tickets to go see a football game. He hadn't told me about this so it's not like I knew. He is now mad at me. He makes me feel guilty about my surgery. He tells me that his friends wanted to leave Friday to be able to get some shopping done. So now, he keeps harassing me about how I'm gonna feel afterward. If I feel fine then there's no point in him missing his game. How the hell should I know how I'm gonna feel?!?!
He told me he's going, no matter what. It just depends when he's gonna leave. He then got mad when I told him that NOTHING would be more important to me than his well being after surgery. The day I would have found out that his surgery date had changed, would have been the same day that I would have canceled my plans.
I am literally speechless. My surgery is pretty serious. It's not like I'm going in to get a toenail removed. I've always said that emotional recovery is more difficult than the physical. So having someone there to just be there, is what I was expecting. I live alone so having someone there at night was important to me as well.
He asked me " What did you expect me to do.... be there all the time??? What's the point of me being there if you're just gonna sleep?"
I don't even know what to say. How can you want to go to a stupid football game 2 days after your gf had surgery??? Or even 4 days??? Then if something goes wrong with me, he;d have to stay and miss his game.... why would anyone put that pressure and stress on someone right b4 their surgery? He's told me that he's waited 3 years for this. So I KNOW he would blame me if he would miss it.
This isn't my fault. I just though that there was HUMANS out there that would consider a surgery to be more important than a football game and shopping with the guys. My mother is very sick so she can't help me much. My dad has to take care of my mom so he;s out of the picture. My brother will be taking care of his wife because she gets her surgery the day before me. That only left my bf.... after 3 years of being with him.... I thought I was worth it. I guess not....
I've been with the same man for 3 years now, on and off. We recently got back together following his lecture about how he's grown up and ready for a commitment.
I knew I was getting surgery this year and I was given a date, November 13th. When I went in for a check up on Monday morning, he advised me that he had a cancellation and was ready to do it on the 23rd... next Wednesday. I have been waiting for this surgery for over a year now. I am worried and stressed, just like any other person would be. It's also the first time I will be spending an overnight stay at the hospital.
Anywho, my bf told me yesterday that he had bought tickets to go see a football game. He hadn't told me about this so it's not like I knew. He is now mad at me. He makes me feel guilty about my surgery. He tells me that his friends wanted to leave Friday to be able to get some shopping done. So now, he keeps harassing me about how I'm gonna feel afterward. If I feel fine then there's no point in him missing his game. How the hell should I know how I'm gonna feel?!?!
He told me he's going, no matter what. It just depends when he's gonna leave. He then got mad when I told him that NOTHING would be more important to me than his well being after surgery. The day I would have found out that his surgery date had changed, would have been the same day that I would have canceled my plans.
I am literally speechless. My surgery is pretty serious. It's not like I'm going in to get a toenail removed. I've always said that emotional recovery is more difficult than the physical. So having someone there to just be there, is what I was expecting. I live alone so having someone there at night was important to me as well.
He asked me " What did you expect me to do.... be there all the time??? What's the point of me being there if you're just gonna sleep?"
I don't even know what to say. How can you want to go to a stupid football game 2 days after your gf had surgery??? Or even 4 days??? Then if something goes wrong with me, he;d have to stay and miss his game.... why would anyone put that pressure and stress on someone right b4 their surgery? He's told me that he's waited 3 years for this. So I KNOW he would blame me if he would miss it.
This isn't my fault. I just though that there was HUMANS out there that would consider a surgery to be more important than a football game and shopping with the guys. My mother is very sick so she can't help me much. My dad has to take care of my mom so he;s out of the picture. My brother will be taking care of his wife because she gets her surgery the day before me. That only left my bf.... after 3 years of being with him.... I thought I was worth it. I guess not....
A real man would be there for you, toss this one back and keep looking. What more can I say.
If you think you're stupid for giving this guy a few chances, you should know of the past I had with my ex! I put up with that abusive scumbag for *eight years* before I finally figured out how to get smart, but ended up with my son...my blessing...but unfortunate that he's been put through the things he has because I got pregnant by his "father."
So really, don't beat yourself up over this. On some level, we've ALL been there. :-)
So really, don't beat yourself up over this. On some level, we've ALL been there. :-)
I also had a second major surgery on my uterus. I had a tumor the size of a lemon removed and hemorraging during surgery. I'm a bleeder and loss a lot of blood. I had a "c" section incision and took months to just walk again and a full year to fully recover and happy to say, I survived and doing great! Still have my uterus.
Thanks for the encouragement. I have already had 2 surgeries for Endo, this is my 3rd. I do know what to expect but the outcome and recovery is always different. If this surgery doesn't work, the next step is a hysterectomy. That's why I talk about not having children.
Thanks again
Thanks again
Megochick, you spelled it correctly, it's endometriosis and the surgical procedure is laparoscopic surgery (3 very small incisions). It's very common and I had it. Endometriosis is very painful, to the point where your lower back hurts constantly and lifting anything causes pain, but with the proper procedure, the chances of conception one day is good, especially since she is still young. Keep hope...it's everything :)
I jsut wanted to add that I read your profile adn saw you have endometriosis(no idea how that's spelled lol) But i wanted to say one of my good friends has had it also all her life and she had to have numerous surgeries for it and was told by her doctor that she could never have a child. And low and behold earlier this year she had a beautiful, healthy happy baby boy at the age of 26! So don't give up hope of ever having a child! Also like Judy said adoption is always there for you, there are many many helpless kids who are looking for a good family.
And forget this jerk, he isn't even worth your thoughts! And you're NOT stupid, we've all been there before! Here's a good quote to remember (i found this the other week and LOVE it! LOL)
"Here is all you need to know about men and woman. Men are stupid and woman are crazy. And the reason woman are crazy is because men are stupid"
Hehe, i love that quote :) Feel better and hope the surgery goes ok!
And forget this jerk, he isn't even worth your thoughts! And you're NOT stupid, we've all been there before! Here's a good quote to remember (i found this the other week and LOVE it! LOL)
"Here is all you need to know about men and woman. Men are stupid and woman are crazy. And the reason woman are crazy is because men are stupid"
Hehe, i love that quote :) Feel better and hope the surgery goes ok!
I wouldn't worry about having a child...I think medical science is amazing. You may get your chance but don't waste it on this man. I know how you feel, we've all put up with things that we wouldn't expect our friends to because of love. We live and learn. You will be just fine.
Never lose hope, even if it mean being opened to one day adopt. Your not stupid, he's the insensitive jerk! (lol) and don't be so hard on yourself. Tell him to post here, we will take care of putting him straight (lol). I hope your surgery goes well, never give up hope and keep us posted on how everything is coming along. Hugs...Judy
Thank you ladies!!!
I obviously know what I need to do. Just needed to get it off my chest. I absolutely HATE it when I see women on here complain about men when they KNOW what they need to do.
I feel like such a hypocrite right now! lol It's not even funny what love can do to someone. I keep reading my journal entry called Love?! and I would seriously smack my gfs in the face if they were in this situation.
I appreciate all of the advice and I also appreciate the fact that you all took it easy on me lol I was expecting a few "You're stupid for staying with him" LOL
It has been a few days, he has txt me a few times without me answering. I am at a point where I'm so used to him always putting me second that I haven't even cried over this one. I should have expected it.
I was told that because of my health, I didn;t have much chance of getting pregnant. If I was gonna try, I should after this surgery. He told me he was ready for kids. So I was planning on trying after xmas. Turns out, he's going to Vancouver to work for the Olympics for a month. So either I lose a month of trying or he's gone in the first few months that I'm pregnant. So it's hard for me to let go of the fact that I will not be having kids. At 23, that's tough to swallow.
I can't even imagine how it would be to have kids with him. I did not have a great relationship with my dad so I would rather not have kids than put my child through what I went through. What a mess!
He ended up going on a European vacation 2 years ago. While I was pregnant. I miscarried the same day that he broke up with me over the phone... in Amsterdam. We all know what's in Amsterdam ladies!!! lol
Anywho, thanks to all of you. I just wanted everyone to know that even though I can be a good person and give advice and support to others, I too, make stupid decisions. If someone can learn from my stupidity and avoid going through something like this, than it's worth it.
Also, all you ladies who have a good man and beautiful children... please... do not take them for granted. What you have is priceless. Cherish it everyday.
I obviously know what I need to do. Just needed to get it off my chest. I absolutely HATE it when I see women on here complain about men when they KNOW what they need to do.
I feel like such a hypocrite right now! lol It's not even funny what love can do to someone. I keep reading my journal entry called Love?! and I would seriously smack my gfs in the face if they were in this situation.
I appreciate all of the advice and I also appreciate the fact that you all took it easy on me lol I was expecting a few "You're stupid for staying with him" LOL
It has been a few days, he has txt me a few times without me answering. I am at a point where I'm so used to him always putting me second that I haven't even cried over this one. I should have expected it.
I was told that because of my health, I didn;t have much chance of getting pregnant. If I was gonna try, I should after this surgery. He told me he was ready for kids. So I was planning on trying after xmas. Turns out, he's going to Vancouver to work for the Olympics for a month. So either I lose a month of trying or he's gone in the first few months that I'm pregnant. So it's hard for me to let go of the fact that I will not be having kids. At 23, that's tough to swallow.
I can't even imagine how it would be to have kids with him. I did not have a great relationship with my dad so I would rather not have kids than put my child through what I went through. What a mess!
He ended up going on a European vacation 2 years ago. While I was pregnant. I miscarried the same day that he broke up with me over the phone... in Amsterdam. We all know what's in Amsterdam ladies!!! lol
Anywho, thanks to all of you. I just wanted everyone to know that even though I can be a good person and give advice and support to others, I too, make stupid decisions. If someone can learn from my stupidity and avoid going through something like this, than it's worth it.
Also, all you ladies who have a good man and beautiful children... please... do not take them for granted. What you have is priceless. Cherish it everyday.
Are you serious??? A FOOTBALL GAME!? OH H E L L NO! I would b*tch that worthelss peace of **** out over that! You're going into surgery! Nothing else should matter to him. Like mami said if he can't support you during this surgery what happens if you get pregnant and go into labor during another football game what then? You'll have to drive yourself to the hospital and pray you make it there safe and sound??
You need to have a talk with this boy and tell him to get his priorities straight.
Your words "We recently got back together following his lecture about how he's grown up and ready for a commitment. "
Yeah a man who wants to skip his gf's surgery for a football game sounds really grown up and committed to me. I'm sorry but this guy needs to go out with the trash. He is obviously immature, selfish and completely moronic if he feels football is more important than you.
Give him a guilt trip back, see how he likes it. He can go to any other football game but you have been waiting for this surgery for over a year, and he knew about this surgery, and he should be glad that you were able to get it taken care of sooner rather than later. And who is supposed to drive you home from the hospital? What if he goes to the game and then there are complications and you have no one there who can get you to a hospital? Does he want that to happen to you?
I would basically tell him, that he obviously lied when he said he was grown up and ready for a commitment. A MAN would stick by his gf through recovery no matter what was going on with his friends if he was serious about being with her and if he loved her.
You need to have a talk with this boy and tell him to get his priorities straight.
Your words "We recently got back together following his lecture about how he's grown up and ready for a commitment. "
Yeah a man who wants to skip his gf's surgery for a football game sounds really grown up and committed to me. I'm sorry but this guy needs to go out with the trash. He is obviously immature, selfish and completely moronic if he feels football is more important than you.
Give him a guilt trip back, see how he likes it. He can go to any other football game but you have been waiting for this surgery for over a year, and he knew about this surgery, and he should be glad that you were able to get it taken care of sooner rather than later. And who is supposed to drive you home from the hospital? What if he goes to the game and then there are complications and you have no one there who can get you to a hospital? Does he want that to happen to you?
I would basically tell him, that he obviously lied when he said he was grown up and ready for a commitment. A MAN would stick by his gf through recovery no matter what was going on with his friends if he was serious about being with her and if he loved her.
I'd dump him. How heartless can he be?!
I had a couple of situations that were similar to yours here. The first one being after having a tonsilectomy, I was in miserable pain for 12 days of my recovery. I could barely swallow anything and I had to basically sleep sitting up for two weeks so I could breathe properly. My ex bf at the time thought nothing of making a specific request of me only three days after my surgery. Then he got p.o'd at me when I td him he was out of his mind and a sick insensitive jerk. He said I was weak and couldn't handle a little bit of pain that was probably not as bad as I was "making it out to be." I don't k ow why I didn't dump him then...
The second case was a Valentine's Day (with the same a-hole ex bf). We planned two weeks in advance to make a date that evening and have my mom watch our son for a couple of hours...nothing fancy, just a night out for the occasion. It was important to me, anyway. Well, the day before, he calls me to cancel our date because he decided to go to a concert with some friends of his. Then he told me I was being ridiculous over him cancelling a date on a stupid, meaningless holiday when we could reschedule that any time, and he said it would be rude of him to cancel going to the concert with the friends for me just because it was Valentine's Day.
I temporarily dumped him after that. I should have ended it permanently after that, but I eventually and fortunately got to that point a few months later.
So just to let you know, I can sort of relate to your situation and how you feel. You shouldn't have to put up with that treatment. He definitely qualifies as a heartless jerk for this.
I had a couple of situations that were similar to yours here. The first one being after having a tonsilectomy, I was in miserable pain for 12 days of my recovery. I could barely swallow anything and I had to basically sleep sitting up for two weeks so I could breathe properly. My ex bf at the time thought nothing of making a specific request of me only three days after my surgery. Then he got p.o'd at me when I td him he was out of his mind and a sick insensitive jerk. He said I was weak and couldn't handle a little bit of pain that was probably not as bad as I was "making it out to be." I don't k ow why I didn't dump him then...
The second case was a Valentine's Day (with the same a-hole ex bf). We planned two weeks in advance to make a date that evening and have my mom watch our son for a couple of hours...nothing fancy, just a night out for the occasion. It was important to me, anyway. Well, the day before, he calls me to cancel our date because he decided to go to a concert with some friends of his. Then he told me I was being ridiculous over him cancelling a date on a stupid, meaningless holiday when we could reschedule that any time, and he said it would be rude of him to cancel going to the concert with the friends for me just because it was Valentine's Day.
I temporarily dumped him after that. I should have ended it permanently after that, but I eventually and fortunately got to that point a few months later.
So just to let you know, I can sort of relate to your situation and how you feel. You shouldn't have to put up with that treatment. He definitely qualifies as a heartless jerk for this.
I agree with the other ladies said. First of all ur BF is completely selfish, inconsiderate, heartless, & disrespectful. He rather go to a football game instead of taking care of you?! If he really Loved and cared for you he would drop any and everything for you!! Your Bf should be willing to do anything for you. You need to really reavulate your relationship with him. Is this the Man u want 2 spend the rest of your life?
Wow, did you blow me away with this one. Your b/f is unbelievable!!! how selfish, no conscience, unsupportive, uncaring, insensitive, "worships football"..yes, he does, because he feels this strongly over a game than you health, cold hearted, disrespectful and heartless.
Do you want me to tell you what I would have done right on the spot?....dump him.
Talk with your family and ask for support. I'm sure one of them will put your health first, accompany you and and be their when you wake up. I read your profile and I had the surgery if it is for what I think it is. Don't worry, you will be ok, but it's really nice to have someone there or maybe 2 ppl, to go with you, especially as you are being wheeled in and nice to see a familiar face when you come out. Your surgery will be ok.
Dump this inhuman person who calls himself you man right on the spot and I promise you when the all is said and done and the game is over, his conscience will catch up to him and he's going to have lots of sleepless nights....alone. Teach him a lesson...dump him without an explanation and let him figure out what he did.
Please keep us updated on what happened...Judy
Do you want me to tell you what I would have done right on the spot?....dump him.
Talk with your family and ask for support. I'm sure one of them will put your health first, accompany you and and be their when you wake up. I read your profile and I had the surgery if it is for what I think it is. Don't worry, you will be ok, but it's really nice to have someone there or maybe 2 ppl, to go with you, especially as you are being wheeled in and nice to see a familiar face when you come out. Your surgery will be ok.
Dump this inhuman person who calls himself you man right on the spot and I promise you when the all is said and done and the game is over, his conscience will catch up to him and he's going to have lots of sleepless nights....alone. Teach him a lesson...dump him without an explanation and let him figure out what he did.
Please keep us updated on what happened...Judy
Oh hon, hate to say it but if you can't rely on him when you are having a tough time and need his support, what does that say about your future expectations of this man? If he cared about you he would be there to take care of you. Not only does he say he won't be there but he makes you feel bad about this surgery interfering with a football game. So he abandons you and than lays on a guilt trip....real nice. You need to be with someone who will drop everything if you are in need. You would want to feel safe with that person. What happens if you got married to him and you were pregnant and you went into labor during the superbowl? Would he get mad at you for having poor timing, or make you go to the hospital yourself? Why waste your time with a man who you can't see yourself being with in the future?
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