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Avatar universal

He wants anal sex but I do not. I don't want to loose him...

My boyfriend has expressed how much he likes anal sex and how it has been an impotant part of his sex life.  The problem is, I have never liked it.  It is uncomfortable for me and I don't feel it is necessary.  When I tell him that I dont want to do it, he tells me that he would be gentle and do it properly where it wont be painful.  He thinks that if I just gave it a try that I would really like it.  He's getting this idea because other women he has dated would do anal intercourse with him and liked it.  Also, he has a very large penis.  It was difficult enough to take it in my vagina much less the thought of it in my a$$.  He says he just cant understand why I would deny myself such pleasure.  The subject has stressed me out so much that I cant enjoy our relationship.  He is a very loving, affectionate and supportive man so everything except the anal subject has been wonderful.  The affection he gives is not something I've gotten from most men I've dated in the past and it's hard to give that up but at the same time, I dont think anal intercourse is something he is willing to give up either.  I don't know what to do.  Any advise?
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1434731 tn?1382722384
My Hubby was asking me to try it for quite a while, and all the time! UGH

I never told him no but I told him I was not ready to try that, I suggested maybe start by using a finger to see how that felt.  

It was not bad at all and eventually I did let him "enter the exit" and with lots of lube it was good.  I would say keep a open mind and start slowly. We do not do this often, maybe a special occasion but to tell you the truth my hubby hasn't asked for it in years, and I am not about to bring it up! LOL  I think it was just something he had never done with anyone else and maybe the old girlfriends thought of it as a "exit only" also

I have some friends that flat out refuse with the "exit only" in mind!  Some friends are cool trying it too.  I kinda think if your not willing to try then you are kinda prudish.  But that's my opinion of course.  

Did he ever say he would leave you if you did not let him?  Prolly not, I think your just so paranoid that he will because you won't. You need to talk to him. Go buy him one of those Anal pocket pals.  Then he can go have his way with that! LOL

Good Luck
Helpful - 0
13167 tn?1327194124
frank,  a little of what you say is true,  and if he were asking her to do this rarely,  like say once every 5 years,  I think that would be something worth considering to save an otherwise excellent relationship.

This is what this guy prefers.  He would want it several times a week.  

And as others have said, not only is this painful,  it's unhealthy.  

I don't see anyway to make this work out.

And I've been married 25 years and understand flexibility and compromise.  But this doesn't fit in that category.
Helpful - 0
176495 tn?1301280412

There is also risk of causing damage to the various blood vessels and other stuff within the target area that can cause some unpleasant and perhaps serious complications with which one might not want to deal.


Jim
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Please do NOT do anything you are not comfortable with. If he truly cares for you, he will not continue to push for such an act to happen. What Beargizmo(Jim) said is true..."it does not expand to accept a penis, has no natural lubrication, requires extensive cleaning prior to entering nor all sorts of safeguards to prevent bacterial transmission post intercourse" which is something to really think about. I've been with my boyfriend for a while and he would never want me to do anything that I don't want to.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I've been with my husband 5 years married almost 3 of those. We are very much in love and he asked me to give anal a go. I did. It hurt like h3ll...it hasn't happened since. Guess what, his love for me out weighed his want for anal sex. To say that everybody wants your relationship to fail and none of us are in love or relationships is absolutely ridiculous
Helpful - 0
176495 tn?1301280412
well, thank you Ashelen.  I've managed to exist for 60 years without it and the thought of it does nothing for me, nor would I ever want to do anything against my wife's wishes and don't.


Jim
Helpful - 0
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