Aa
He wants anal sex but I do not. I don't want to loose him...
My boyfriend has expressed how much he likes anal sex and how it has been an impotant part of his sex life. The problem is, I have never liked it. It is uncomfortable for me and I don't feel it is necessary. When I tell him that I dont want to do it, he tells me that he would be gentle and do it properly where it wont be painful. He thinks that if I just gave it a try that I would really like it. He's getting this idea because other women he has dated would do anal intercourse with him and liked it. Also, he has a very large penis. It was difficult enough to take it in my vagina much less the thought of it in my a$$. He says he just cant understand why I would deny myself such pleasure. The subject has stressed me out so much that I cant enjoy our relationship. He is a very loving, affectionate and supportive man so everything except the anal subject has been wonderful. The affection he gives is not something I've gotten from most men I've dated in the past and it's hard to give that up but at the same time, I dont think anal intercourse is something he is willing to give up either. I don't know what to do. Any advise?
This is something you obviously can't live with so you should dump him while he's still a BF and not a resentful husband. Cut your losses and move on. He will thank you later.
I believe I will approach this tenatively, and I am sure several of you will disagree. First off, there is a lot of misinformation going around.
1. Anal sex between a man and a woman has nothing to do with homosexualty.
2. Ending an other wise perfectly good relationship because he wants to explore and try new things in the bed room is folly.
3. Talk to him. If you trust and love him hear him out and he should do the same, there is a good chance that your previous experience with anal was poorly executed, and if he says he will be gentle and it will feel good then try to keep an open mind.
4. It is okay for you to feel unsure or uncomfortable about something, and as long as you are you should not try it, but keep an open mind be willing communicate. If this is something he really wants to try with you, the least you could do is a little research, and I don't mean forums most people are fairly ignorant (myself included). Try to find unbias articles discussing pro's and con's. Discuss these with your partner.
5. Open mind does not mean saying yes to every thing, it means seeing and understanding. why do they want that why don't I want that. I do not it iswrong of him to want to discuss this with you, but I am sure that if you explain to him that it makes you nervous and that your just not ready now he would understand.
1. Anal sex between a man and a woman has nothing to do with homosexualty.
2. Ending an other wise perfectly good relationship because he wants to explore and try new things in the bed room is folly.
3. Talk to him. If you trust and love him hear him out and he should do the same, there is a good chance that your previous experience with anal was poorly executed, and if he says he will be gentle and it will feel good then try to keep an open mind.
4. It is okay for you to feel unsure or uncomfortable about something, and as long as you are you should not try it, but keep an open mind be willing communicate. If this is something he really wants to try with you, the least you could do is a little research, and I don't mean forums most people are fairly ignorant (myself included). Try to find unbias articles discussing pro's and con's. Discuss these with your partner.
5. Open mind does not mean saying yes to every thing, it means seeing and understanding. why do they want that why don't I want that. I do not it iswrong of him to want to discuss this with you, but I am sure that if you explain to him that it makes you nervous and that your just not ready now he would understand.
While reading everyones answeres i got the feeling that 80% of the people who answered, are over 50 years old, people who lived in different times and had no contact or information about this kind of things.
I might sound selfish because i'm a man, and i too would like to try anal sex with my wife, and ofcourse i'm being refused each time. The problem is that i feel this is not a choice she made on her own. The choice was already made for her and got well nutched in her brain by the exact same kind of people that answered here, so obviously she doesn't even want to try it.
I'm saying that because, while we're having sex, i gently lube and penetrate her anus with a finger, action that brings out moans of pleasure. When she realises that she's enjoying it, whe pulls away like burned and acts like its wrong to feel good that way. (no, its not because she was hurt, as i'm sure many of u belived)
Total sex is practiced since ancient times, and will not dissapear because of some who are too closed-minded.
Think about all the things old people tried to stop, just because they don't understand. If it were up to them, we wouldn't even experience normal sex untill about the age of 40 and only after marriage.
Things change, deal with it
I have women friends that practice anal of sex and love it, even women much older than me and my wife.
PS: one thing is true tho, if he wants leave u because u don't want to have anal sex then he should take his business elsewhere, that's not love.
Have a great life with lots of "experiences" :D
I might sound selfish because i'm a man, and i too would like to try anal sex with my wife, and ofcourse i'm being refused each time. The problem is that i feel this is not a choice she made on her own. The choice was already made for her and got well nutched in her brain by the exact same kind of people that answered here, so obviously she doesn't even want to try it.
I'm saying that because, while we're having sex, i gently lube and penetrate her anus with a finger, action that brings out moans of pleasure. When she realises that she's enjoying it, whe pulls away like burned and acts like its wrong to feel good that way. (no, its not because she was hurt, as i'm sure many of u belived)
Total sex is practiced since ancient times, and will not dissapear because of some who are too closed-minded.
Think about all the things old people tried to stop, just because they don't understand. If it were up to them, we wouldn't even experience normal sex untill about the age of 40 and only after marriage.
Things change, deal with it
I have women friends that practice anal of sex and love it, even women much older than me and my wife.
PS: one thing is true tho, if he wants leave u because u don't want to have anal sex then he should take his business elsewhere, that's not love.
Have a great life with lots of "experiences" :D
OMG-***-*******-! NO way! Do not do it. There will be medical consequences! This is what Dr Drew says about *** *******:
...............................
Most women I hear from who want to make it more comfortable are having anal sex just to make their boyfriends happy. Are you kidding? If it hurts and it's awful, the answer should be, "Hey, dickhead, we're not doing this anymore." I'm telling you: Stop it, ladies!
If you have pain, your body is telling you something. There will be medical consequences. In the short term, there's the risk of tears, fissures, and fistulas. But I'm much more concerned about the long term. Go talk to a 75-year-old woman sometime who hasn't had anal sex, and you'll see that as you age, the rectal area has tons of problems associated with it anyway. You can get hemorrhoids and abscesses, and the rectum can prolapse into the vagina or out of the anus — and that's without ever having anal sex. Yet you're setting yourself up for these things with this behavior! If you don't have pain with anal sex, then your body may be tolerating it, although you still run the risk of problems. I shudder to think what's going to happen to young women later on when they continue to have painful anal sex.
—Drew Pinsky, M.D.
...............................
Most women I hear from who want to make it more comfortable are having anal sex just to make their boyfriends happy. Are you kidding? If it hurts and it's awful, the answer should be, "Hey, dickhead, we're not doing this anymore." I'm telling you: Stop it, ladies!
If you have pain, your body is telling you something. There will be medical consequences. In the short term, there's the risk of tears, fissures, and fistulas. But I'm much more concerned about the long term. Go talk to a 75-year-old woman sometime who hasn't had anal sex, and you'll see that as you age, the rectal area has tons of problems associated with it anyway. You can get hemorrhoids and abscesses, and the rectum can prolapse into the vagina or out of the anus — and that's without ever having anal sex. Yet you're setting yourself up for these things with this behavior! If you don't have pain with anal sex, then your body may be tolerating it, although you still run the risk of problems. I shudder to think what's going to happen to young women later on when they continue to have painful anal sex.
—Drew Pinsky, M.D.
Giddy up
First of all, this response is coming from a 25 year old. My generation grew up givings **'s in high-school bathrooms on lunch hour. Neither age nor being prude have anything to do with this topic. The people on this site are clearly using a computer and I'm sure they could manage to locate porn on the internet so lack of exposure, I feel, also has little to do with it.
MOST men's penises are bigger then a finger. I personally have tried anal, I get the impression most women here have at one point or another and all I have to say to that is "no thanks". A finger I could probably handle but the idea of it alone, turns me off. You like the idea of it, it turns you on, great! That's your thing but don't judge woman or find excuses why women don't enjoy it or want to do it, be it a physical OR psychological reason. If she wanted to buy a dildo, equivalent to the size of your penis and penetrate you with it, would you be OK with it? Men can get aroused that way aswell.
I think most of the people here have managed to have wonderful, loving and memory filled lives, even if anal sex wasn't part of it.
And for friggs sake, try to remember people in their 50's weren't born in their 50's, they lived through their teens and 20's. Anal sex has been around forever, its not as if some guy 10 years ago randomly noticed that there was another hole 2 inches away he could stick his d**k in and told the world about it. I'd put money on the fact that you wouldn't even know what to do with most of the 'older'women on this site ;o)
First of all, this response is coming from a 25 year old. My generation grew up givings **'s in high-school bathrooms on lunch hour. Neither age nor being prude have anything to do with this topic. The people on this site are clearly using a computer and I'm sure they could manage to locate porn on the internet so lack of exposure, I feel, also has little to do with it.
MOST men's penises are bigger then a finger. I personally have tried anal, I get the impression most women here have at one point or another and all I have to say to that is "no thanks". A finger I could probably handle but the idea of it alone, turns me off. You like the idea of it, it turns you on, great! That's your thing but don't judge woman or find excuses why women don't enjoy it or want to do it, be it a physical OR psychological reason. If she wanted to buy a dildo, equivalent to the size of your penis and penetrate you with it, would you be OK with it? Men can get aroused that way aswell.
I think most of the people here have managed to have wonderful, loving and memory filled lives, even if anal sex wasn't part of it.
And for friggs sake, try to remember people in their 50's weren't born in their 50's, they lived through their teens and 20's. Anal sex has been around forever, its not as if some guy 10 years ago randomly noticed that there was another hole 2 inches away he could stick his d**k in and told the world about it. I'd put money on the fact that you wouldn't even know what to do with most of the 'older'women on this site ;o)
Anal sex is a damaging act,you can perforate the bowel and down the track you might experience anal leakage,it's happened to many porn stars.Stick to the front door and leave the backdoor alone.Women should have to go through pain because of some selfish man,oh and don't forget about all the bacteria in there aswell.
This discussion was closed by the MedHelp Community Moderation team. If you have any questions please
contact us.
You are reading content posted in the Relationships Community
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
