Aa
Help . . . . mums pushing me away
Im not sure if iv but this in the right categorie, but hey, here we go.
Ok im with a new guy, i been with him now for 2-3 months and known him for years. Im 18 and hes 26 - so bit of aan age gap i guess.
neway. my mum has abit of an issue with him, and doesnt think im ready to be in a relationship with him ( baring in mind my mum & dad are very old fashioned)
Iv neva told my mum anything about my love or sex life, as i dont think she needs to know as i cant be doing with the hassle from her. Basicaly how do i tell my mum that shes not stop me being with him?- but in a nice way.
Im geting to the point know that i dont wana live at home any more, and soo close to leaving!!
Shes always going on at me about anything and everything, iv stuck it out for a long time now, but dont know how much more i can take, i just want to get away but dont know what to do.
Ok im with a new guy, i been with him now for 2-3 months and known him for years. Im 18 and hes 26 - so bit of aan age gap i guess.
neway. my mum has abit of an issue with him, and doesnt think im ready to be in a relationship with him ( baring in mind my mum & dad are very old fashioned)
Iv neva told my mum anything about my love or sex life, as i dont think she needs to know as i cant be doing with the hassle from her. Basicaly how do i tell my mum that shes not stop me being with him?- but in a nice way.
Im geting to the point know that i dont wana live at home any more, and soo close to leaving!!
Shes always going on at me about anything and everything, iv stuck it out for a long time now, but dont know how much more i can take, i just want to get away but dont know what to do.
I'm going to assume that last post was to me being that you sent me the most beautiful private message I ever received! Not!
Listen Hansy, I'm not trying to make you feel bad--I have 2 kids, 1 who's 20 and 1 who's 18 so I really do get *what goes on with us*. I have the best relationship with my kids and I believe that's because we have great communication. Both of my kids and their respective friends value my advice because I don't b******t them. We as parents have this wonderful gift and it's called the gift of hindsight---we've been there, and believe me in my case, done that!
I am not gonna sit here and tell you that it's alright for a young woman of 18 to go with a man of 26--sorry not gonna do it. I understand that in the eyes of the law your of legal age, so get on with it...move out. My 18 yr. old son thought he knew everything...he was very disrespectful, he quit school and he was drinking. There was nothing his father nor I could say to make him understand that he was throwing his life away--nothing! So once "know it all" turned 18 I told him he either had to be in school or have a steady job and if he didn't like it he could leave. So he left. It was very hard for me because I knew he was ill equipt to live on his own. After he had his fun and blew through all his money he realized that his friends weren't going to support him either. So for a few months he lived hand to mouth and there were lots of times he didn't have money to eat. That was extrememly hard for me knowing he was hungry. But I stuck to my guns. Fast forward a few months and "KIA" is back home with me but with a different attitude. He works and makes decent money and our relationship is so much better because he realized that life on your own isn't what it's cracked up to be and in order to live a decent life you need money and the support of your family. The only problem I seem to have now is he is TOO comfortable living at home again and I'm afraid he's NEVER gonna leave! Lol...
I know I was sarcastic in my original post and that was because you wrote "I just see the only way out of this is for me too leave home"....so my response to you was "so leave"! I see nothing wrong with that response. You stated that your a grown up and you didn't want to live under your mother's rules (which BTW is very normal) and you know what's best for your life...so again, move out. What's the problem? Your original post wanted advice regarding your relationship with your mother and the fact that she's not happy with your BF. Well, I'm sorry to say but if you were my daughter I wouldn't be too happy about it either...
Sometimes when people post on these forums they want validation and most times they get it, however, I'm not gonna tell you that I agree with what your thinking about doing if I don't believe it to be true. Sorry.
I'm gonna tell you again that I wish you the best and I really do want for you to have a happy life...good luck to you.
Listen Hansy, I'm not trying to make you feel bad--I have 2 kids, 1 who's 20 and 1 who's 18 so I really do get *what goes on with us*. I have the best relationship with my kids and I believe that's because we have great communication. Both of my kids and their respective friends value my advice because I don't b******t them. We as parents have this wonderful gift and it's called the gift of hindsight---we've been there, and believe me in my case, done that!
I am not gonna sit here and tell you that it's alright for a young woman of 18 to go with a man of 26--sorry not gonna do it. I understand that in the eyes of the law your of legal age, so get on with it...move out. My 18 yr. old son thought he knew everything...he was very disrespectful, he quit school and he was drinking. There was nothing his father nor I could say to make him understand that he was throwing his life away--nothing! So once "know it all" turned 18 I told him he either had to be in school or have a steady job and if he didn't like it he could leave. So he left. It was very hard for me because I knew he was ill equipt to live on his own. After he had his fun and blew through all his money he realized that his friends weren't going to support him either. So for a few months he lived hand to mouth and there were lots of times he didn't have money to eat. That was extrememly hard for me knowing he was hungry. But I stuck to my guns. Fast forward a few months and "KIA" is back home with me but with a different attitude. He works and makes decent money and our relationship is so much better because he realized that life on your own isn't what it's cracked up to be and in order to live a decent life you need money and the support of your family. The only problem I seem to have now is he is TOO comfortable living at home again and I'm afraid he's NEVER gonna leave! Lol...
I know I was sarcastic in my original post and that was because you wrote "I just see the only way out of this is for me too leave home"....so my response to you was "so leave"! I see nothing wrong with that response. You stated that your a grown up and you didn't want to live under your mother's rules (which BTW is very normal) and you know what's best for your life...so again, move out. What's the problem? Your original post wanted advice regarding your relationship with your mother and the fact that she's not happy with your BF. Well, I'm sorry to say but if you were my daughter I wouldn't be too happy about it either...
Sometimes when people post on these forums they want validation and most times they get it, however, I'm not gonna tell you that I agree with what your thinking about doing if I don't believe it to be true. Sorry.
I'm gonna tell you again that I wish you the best and I really do want for you to have a happy life...good luck to you.
Ok, now I feel bad~!!
I'm sorry that I came on so strong...your 18 and EVERYTHING you have said and felt is very normal. As I stated before I really want you to make the best decisions that are right for you...and because I truly want that I became over-zelous with my opinions. Please understand that your parents love you and they know what's best for you....
I'm sorry that I came on so strong...your 18 and EVERYTHING you have said and felt is very normal. As I stated before I really want you to make the best decisions that are right for you...and because I truly want that I became over-zelous with my opinions. Please understand that your parents love you and they know what's best for you....
Hansy, I have to agree with green eyed lady - I understand what it is to be 18, we all do. I also know that there is no one in this entire world that is going to look out for your best interest and health more than your mother (and father, too). They are your "soft place to land".
BUT! Boyfriends come and go, believe me. Your parents are your parents forever. Even though you think they are "old-fashioned", they have many more years of life experience - and that counts for a lot.
As far as the BF, my concern is that he is 26. If he were 48 and you were 40 - no biggie. But the particular 8 years we are discussing are very, very different as far as growth and development. Just the same as a kid of 6 and a kid of 14 - they don't have that much in common - they are in different life stages.
Also, while you feel all grown up and all, you are still immature. This is not an insult, not at all. It's just the way it is for an 18 year old - they don't think with the same level of maturity as a healthy adult with some life experience. That's what your growing pains are all about. Here's an illustration: you said you are with this guy 2-3 months. And that you trust him. Well, it is near impossible to know a person well enough in that short a time to be able to make that large statement. Trust is something that is the result of many actions, over and over, and over a significant period of time. And that are consistent. And that the person does what they say they are gonna do. And they protect you. It is so much more than words spoken and promises make. We are all on our best behavior when we first meet someone we like and think might be "the one". That's natural. It really takes more than a year, some would say more than 2 years, to really get to know someone. That's why so many people make mistakes - they jump in too soon - and before you know it they're pregnant or married - and when the dust clears, there are two strangers looking at each others wondering what happened.
I understand that at 18 you want your freedom and all. But your parents are only trying to help you avoid some major mistakes that could effect the entire direction of your life. Think about it. And good luck. And use birth control 100% of the time (it only works when you use it every time).
Disclimer: the statements above are based on what I believe to be true for the vast majority - I am sure there are exceptions to the rule.
:)
BUT! Boyfriends come and go, believe me. Your parents are your parents forever. Even though you think they are "old-fashioned", they have many more years of life experience - and that counts for a lot.
As far as the BF, my concern is that he is 26. If he were 48 and you were 40 - no biggie. But the particular 8 years we are discussing are very, very different as far as growth and development. Just the same as a kid of 6 and a kid of 14 - they don't have that much in common - they are in different life stages.
Also, while you feel all grown up and all, you are still immature. This is not an insult, not at all. It's just the way it is for an 18 year old - they don't think with the same level of maturity as a healthy adult with some life experience. That's what your growing pains are all about. Here's an illustration: you said you are with this guy 2-3 months. And that you trust him. Well, it is near impossible to know a person well enough in that short a time to be able to make that large statement. Trust is something that is the result of many actions, over and over, and over a significant period of time. And that are consistent. And that the person does what they say they are gonna do. And they protect you. It is so much more than words spoken and promises make. We are all on our best behavior when we first meet someone we like and think might be "the one". That's natural. It really takes more than a year, some would say more than 2 years, to really get to know someone. That's why so many people make mistakes - they jump in too soon - and before you know it they're pregnant or married - and when the dust clears, there are two strangers looking at each others wondering what happened.
I understand that at 18 you want your freedom and all. But your parents are only trying to help you avoid some major mistakes that could effect the entire direction of your life. Think about it. And good luck. And use birth control 100% of the time (it only works when you use it every time).
Disclimer: the statements above are based on what I believe to be true for the vast majority - I am sure there are exceptions to the rule.
:)
I wish they would teach stuff like this in school. My neice is bouncing from one guy to the next, always trusting, always being disappointed and has 2 kids so far. She gave birth to the first one on the night that she should've been graduating. She is 21 and raising them on her own. Both Dad's are in jail on there way to prison. Older guys sometimes take advantage of younger women and that is also why they like to date them. It's just like anything else, the more experience you have the better you get at it.
Hansy,
Just take your time, you have lots of time to have fun and make mistakes. As a Mom, I can honestly say that I think that your Mom will have your back no matter what you choose to do. Does your Mom usually give good advice? Is she a good Mom that loves you and cares about your life? What does she say the problem is with you seeing this guy? It is so hard to stand back and watch your child being taken advantage of. I really believe parents have an insight into their children's lives. They usually want the best for them. Have you tried talking to your Mom? Have you tried listening to your Mom? Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!!
Hansy,
Just take your time, you have lots of time to have fun and make mistakes. As a Mom, I can honestly say that I think that your Mom will have your back no matter what you choose to do. Does your Mom usually give good advice? Is she a good Mom that loves you and cares about your life? What does she say the problem is with you seeing this guy? It is so hard to stand back and watch your child being taken advantage of. I really believe parents have an insight into their children's lives. They usually want the best for them. Have you tried talking to your Mom? Have you tried listening to your Mom? Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!!
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