Help!

[penquinrbc]

Hi please don't judge me or post nasty comments!
I have been married for 9 years and 5 months but recently a divorce has been filed due to me having an affair.  I know that was wrong of me but I regret everything I have done.  We have a son together and it makes things harder. My husband has told me to give him time and space and to respect his feelings.  That a divorce is my punishment for cheating.  I understand that but it's hard to let him go after he told me he would give me 5 months to change.  I have made the necessary changes.  I have changed my life around, no more drinking or going to bars.  I go to church and I believe in God.  I surround myself with positive influences and I spent quality time with my family now.  I go to counseling and I pray to God everyday and every night.  My husband told me when he is ready if ever he will let me know and he cares for my well being.  He wants me to get better because I've  been diagnosed with a mood disorder and having split personalities. My counselor said this helped me lead to my affair.  Does my husband still care?  How do I know he wants to be with me in the future?  Is there anything I can do to save our marriage?  I'm lost and have so many mixed emotions.  It's a roller coaster for both of us.  Thanks.  

[penquinrbc]

Thanks!  I appreciate your advice.  Our divorce will be finalized in September of this year.
My diagnosis is a mood disorder/split personalities.  I guess you can say bi-polar.  I'm seeing a psychologist for the time being but he can't prescribe me medications.  He agrees I need to be put on medicine but doctor's around here only want to 302 you because they feel you can't wait for treatment.  I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow hopefully I can begin treatment besides the counseling.  I don't blame my affair solely on my mental illnesses but do believe they play a little part.  My husband told me to have faith that I can get better as he knows there are two sides to me.  He knows that I'm a good person deep down.  Do you see why this is such a roller coaster.  
Thanks for your kind words and I do have faith God will let us be together again.  :-)

[nursegirl6572]

Hello there!

Well, as the guys said, these kinds of things take time.  Some people can move past an affair, and some never do.  Are you officially divorced from one another?  I think it's fair to say that if he went that far, it's been pretty tough on him.  I don't quite understand the divorce part if he's still considering trying to reconcile though.  Divorce isn't a punishment, it's the ending of a marriage once one or both of the partners has come to the decision that the marriage is over.  If he was considering reconciliation, I would think a separation would have made more sense.  Divorce is supposed to be considered final, and not a way to make someone "pay" for their marital transgressions.  

When you say "split personalities", what were you actually diagnosed with and what kind of treatment are you getting?  Are you talking about bi-polar disorder?  If so, it's VERY important that you keep up with the treatment regimen.  Also, while I most certainly understand how something like BPD could attribute to some poor decisions, it's very important that you own your choices and not blame them solely on your condition.  That's vital in you being able to move forward (and him too).

Good luck to you.  Hopefully after some time passes, and maybe some couple's therapy, you and your husband can try to fix your relationship.

[penquinrbc]

Thanks for your advice.  I really appreciate it!  

[penquinrbc]

Thank you very much!  I feel everyone deserves a second chance.  I know I will never make this mistake again.  I know how much hurt and pain it caused everyone involved.  I appreciate your advice.  

[Vance2335]

I think most of these questions can only be answered by him.
An affair is tough to get over because the person you trust the most breaks that trust, so it is going to take him time. I would assume that he still cares about you.