Horrible Heartache!!!!! Please Lend Support

[DellaKemp]

Hello,

I have been a member of this site for a few years. I have mostly been a member for the TTC community. I am here today for the relationship side of things.

A little background: I got married to my soon to be ex-husband November 14, 2008. Everything was great so I thought. Things weren't as great as it seems or how i wanted them to be. Thought maybe having a child would help him grow up and realize what he was losing by acting the way he was. Thank God we never succeeded in getting pregnant. I came to the realization that the person I married was not the same person that I fell in love with. I know that people change and relationships evolve, they have to. But when someone that you thought you knew does a complete 180, red flags go up.

Speed up to my current situation. Husband and I are in the process of splitting up. I have tried to be fair and get the filing underway, but he is not working with me. I just know that I am not going to put my life on hold because he doesn't want to cooperate. Needless to say, I have met an amazing man. Nothing as far as a relationship happen until my husband decided to leave to test me to see if I would beg for him back. I was already done trying to save my marriage about a year ago. This all happened starting the end of May 2012.

Well speed up, Man A (Not releasing his name as of yet) and I have a wonderful relationship. I have never met anyone that has allowed me to truly let my guard down and is truly happy in seeing me happy. He is settled, not into playing games, loving, caring, hard-worker and has an amazing zest for life. Its very safe to say that we fell in love with each other very quickly. I am in need of support because, a fews back when he was recently divorced and trying to still support his son, he took a job in the finance department of a company. Well one of those situations of wrong place at the wrong time. He over-heard these 2 guys talking about stuff, but really had no reason to believe it was anything more than talking. Turns out, those 2 guys were heavily involved in trying to scam millions of dollars from different companies. When all of this came out, he was implicated. Since he worked in the finance department, he must have been involved. Farthest thing from the truth. He took a plea because they would have tried and sentence him along with the 2 main people ( 1 received 30 yrs and the other 20 yrs ). He didnt want to risk his future and missing out on that many yrs with his son. Completely understandable. He received almost 3 yrs. He is surrendering himself to the minimum security camp today.

I feel like my heart is being ripped out and nobody, but him cares. I get told that I am stupid for wanting to still be with him, for allowing myself to fall in love so quickly after separating from my not even ex yet ( but I told you that situation), that he doesn't deserve me and I don't deserve him. All I know is I love him and I am looking for support and advice. I am new to the being a girlfriend to an inmate. How long with it take until I get used to falling asleep without him or until my heart doesn't hurt anymore? I have never felt this much pain before, not even for my failed marriage.

[DellaKemp]

Thanks. I have been. I want to say that's what it was. I also have a lawyer for my DWI and without knowing all the specifics of the case, he pretty much said the same thing that I have been told. Another reason I don't understand the system and why I think it is really flawed.

[nursegirl6572]

I just want to be clear about something.  I only said what I said because, due to some personal experiences, I have a VERY different viewpoint of the justice system than I used to.  

I would have said the exact same thing Tink said not long ago.  I just wanted to explain, for general purposes, why an innocent person WOULD plead guilty to something they didn't do...because if a plea isn't taken, and they lose in trial (it happens)..all bets are off, and they usually get the max sentence.  For some people, they have to think logically, and it's way too big a gamble.    

I am not making any comment about if Della's BF did or didn't do the crime.  My advice still stands, that it just isn't a healthy situation to enter.

Della...you may want to double check what the lawyer told you.  If a person pleads guilty and actually does jail time, I can't see how their record could be expunged, unless it was a "sentence without verdict" type of deal.  I still can't imagine, with jail time being involved that he would be eligible for that.  Just double check it.

Very best to you.

[DellaKemp]

Was hoping to find some ladies that have ben through the same thing as far as being with someone who is in prison and just to be that support. Maybe I just need to start a forum/community for this if it hasn't already been one

[TTinKKerBBell]

It sounds as though You know what You want.  I'm not sure I understand what Your question is here but I wish You luck with this.
Regards,
Tink

[DellaKemp]

Thank you for posting about the justice system. It was the best option for him. Why be sentenced along side 2 people who got 20 and 30 years. I would take the plea. I know I would.

[DellaKemp]

You had mentioned some stuff in your post so some of this in answer to your post, but to everyone as well.

I don't expect anyone to truly understand what I am going through. All of my close friends that knows me and my ex, knows that even though we were married, we really weren't. I haven't been in a relationship in over a year. I had a roommate and a mortgage. I should have filed back then, I just didn't for whatever reason. I did my thing, he did his thing. I was not hurt when the decision was finally made to split for good. I was so relieved and happy to get out of this marriage. All of it was an act and all I was doing was fooling myself. I was really hurt back then when I was the only one trying any and everything to make it work with someone that wasn't worth it. I have had time to grieve that relationship. A year plus to be exact. I was not looking for any relationships or casual dating or anything, but I also didn't close myself off to that possibility.  He just happened. I fought it because of the current situation. There are just somethings that you can't deny and this is one of them. We have mutual friends and they could sense it. They even told us that we love each other before we admitted it to each other. I don't know how else to make anyone understand.

As far as his case, he is innocent. He worked(works) for a huge restaurant chain in their corporate office and the CFO testified on his behalf saying that their is no way that he would ever actively participate or benefit from the charges being help against him. He has a job waiting for him when he gets out. The same job he just took a leave of absence from. I have worked corporate and restaurants. They don't tolerate that at all. Also, he can get it removed from his record about 2 years after his release. Lawyer said so. He shouldn't have received any time and I know its hard for people to see this and understand that sometimes, people that are innocent get bad reps.

I used to think that whirlwind romances were a crock of ****. That nobody fell in love so quickly. I believe that now. I kinda started to believe it before he came into my life because my soon to be ex in-laws were the same way. 3 dates and then my  ex mother and father inlaw were married. Not even together for a year and my ex sister in law and her hubby were married. It does happen, but most don't realize it until it happens to them or someone close to them.

I do appreciate the warnings I guess from yall. He is an open book with me. I knew what I was getting into with him. Unlike my ex, he never hid anything from me.