need to know

[jennstuff]

Need to know whats going on ,,my bf of 3 years has never really been the talkative typ,,he has allways been guiet even most of the time when we sit together there is no talk,,he has never really been effectionet ,,its like he dose not want to show love tawords me,,he seems to be cold hearted ,I suffer BPD,and this lack of emotion and effection from him is really bothering me,,i cant talk to him about it ,i tried many times and he just gets mad , and tells me that its my BPD making me think like this,,so i dont say anything else to him,,then i go back and forth in my head woundering if it is myBPD..I dont know if anyone will understand what im saying,,but if anyone dose ,,please some advise would be great,,AND if anyone wants to ask me more about this situation i would be happy to answer,,,i just need to know whats going on,,n what to do

[brice1967]

It could be any number of things, including that your boyfriend may have been brought up in a home where there was very little affection ever shown....

[Dookie2012]

It sounds like he might have BPD too, Are you showing emotions and being affectionate to him, the only excuse his got to say that about your BPD is if he feels rejected by you and is scared to show you effection, if you are showing affection then he can't really turn around and blame you for the fact his being cold. Some people don't know how to show love because they have never felt it, they just know their missing something but can't fill the gap.

[iam1butterfly]

It could very well be your BPD that is at the root of your distress.
From my own personal experience with a BPD ex-boyfriend, I was inclined to limit conversations as my ex could be easily "set off" into emotional outbursts and hysterical rages, upon the least provoking word. In truth, no conversation was safe with this over-reactive "stick of dynamite." Could it be that your boyfriend's silence is a really a caution with words and is an attempt to circumvent confrontation and conflict? Perhaps, he fears facing another senseless argument or witnessing an all too familiar ugly scene. Borderlines, from what I've seen, are also hyper-sensitive and, whether real or imagined, tend to feel unloved and emotionally abandoned. Could this possibly describe you?
I don't mean to suggest that all of the problematic issues that you described are solely your responsibility. Only, when you emphasized the fact that you have BPD, I could have sworn that I saw a huge red flag pop up!

[vmvnpv]

It's a possibility that it's your BPD.  It's also a possibility that it's not.  If it isn't you have a choice: accept who he is or break up with him.  The way he is is the way he is and he can't change that, nor should he be expected to change it.  If you can't deal with that you have to decide if it's a dealbreaker.  I would be concerned if he just started acting like this but if he's always been like this there's not much you can do.  His anger when you try to talk to him would be the dealbreaker if it were me.  If you can't communicate effectively with your SO then you can't work anything out in a relationship.  Communication is key if a relationship is going to work.  If he's just going to get angry your problems will never get resolved.  He needs to learn to listen to you and compromise in some way so you feel better about how he acts towards you.