Aa
How to get over it...
How do you get over a relationship? Especially when all you think about is getting the person back. Do you think that after you have been away from the person then see them again there is a possibility of the feelings coming back for the person? Any hope?
U are right and I will try my best I guess at this point I wanted a friend if I wasn't going to have what we once had... thought it was going fine and he even gave me reassurance so maybe it was me when I said "you probably don't wanna see me." bbut i cant see why he would totally stop speaking for that...didnt seem like he was going to. so unpredictable. Im going for my last session tmw at school. but it will be hard once I am back home thurs or fri I wanna try not to give it but it will be even harder living 15 min away. I appreciate all of your advice I am just in a bad state and feel really bad about myself still and feel like I failed this when I tried my hardest, I guess that was too much or not good enough or not what he wanted at the time although he said it was the fighting (a particular disagreement we had a few times that we didnt agree on) didn't think that was going to cause the break up though... idk im lost and confused and wish he was still in my life. for many reasons not even cause of the relationship. :(
No one thinks you're crazy. What you are, is pretending to not "get it".
He had been very interested, and now he's not. And you're at the verge of him having to resort to saying some really ugly things to get you to leave him alone.
He's giving you very, very clear signals that although he once was interested in a relationship, he's not now.
So it's your turn here to get those signals, and stop bugging him.
It's hard, we've all been there.
Today, do something really enjoyable.
He had been very interested, and now he's not. And you're at the verge of him having to resort to saying some really ugly things to get you to leave him alone.
He's giving you very, very clear signals that although he once was interested in a relationship, he's not now.
So it's your turn here to get those signals, and stop bugging him.
It's hard, we've all been there.
Today, do something really enjoyable.
I feel like u all think I'm crazy or something. I'm really not. He said and we felt like we were in love and loved eachother maybe yes I am a little smothering but not exactly sure he knows how to really be in a relationship either. Its messed up how I'm getting treated by saying g we can be friends its all fine then no response for more than 2 days. I'm going to try my best to give it a break even if its for a few days as long as I'm making progress its hard. I believed everything I was told and I guess I kind of mean with now. Now I'm stressed, depressed, anxious and upset and missing him thinking things would be great around this time since I'm coming back home. Sorry its so hard for me. I put myself out there as I thought he had too but I'm the one hurt in the end. It just makes no sense talking ever since Tues when we broke up then randomly nothing.... I guess I care too much but I can't help it.
He gave up because you are being obsessive, my dear. People get creeped out by obsessive behavior in others that is not justified by the social signals they are sending. He sent you mildly friendly signals, and you jumped on them in a way wildly inappropriate to what he thought he was into. My son is 6, and the girl next door writes him letters that say, "Hi! I love you!!! My favorite animal is a horse! what is yours? I want to mary you!" My son looks at the letters and then says to me in puzzlement and not a little bit of fear -- "Mommy, I don't want to get married for a long time!" Well, dear, please keep yourself from looking like that, you really are dancing on the edge of harassment charges. HE IS NOT WANTING TO BE YOUR BOYFRIEND. Please get it. Whether you can explain it to your stubborn mind that simply does not want to believe it, or not.
I am listening and hearing every one I just don't get why everything was OK sat and sun then literally no response Mon and Tues not saying that he hasn't done this before but this hurts cause even after the break up we were talking I just don't understand it.... I keep replaying things I said and did and I don't get why I feel this way when I put in so much effort and get heart broken and think he's still there as at least some sort of friend and then nothing. At this point I would like a friend. It wouldn't hurt and he's a personal trainer so he could help me in that area as well. Idk I miss just talking and having him in my life. :( it hurts everyday all the time and I hate when he does this cause I always worry....sorry I don't want to sound desperate or sound foolish and I'm not calling or texting half as much as before I'm trying but I still care.
jc and keitha...this guy has pretty much ignored most of her attempts to contact him, and made it clear he just wasn't on board. I just think it's an awful idea to encourage someone to hang onto hope when it's so obvious her feeling aren't even close to being reciprocated, not to mention there wasn't really a relationship there to begin with.
The most she'll end up with, besides more heartache, are harrassment charges.
Honestly, hon, you are running the risk of making a fool of yourself...you're getting there Seriously. Have more pride than that dear! You don't need HIM to make yourself happy. There are SO many things you could do to get your mind off him...and time WILL heal. If you're sitting around all day and thinking about him, waiting for him to return your calls/texts, that's just chipping away at your self esteem, bit by bit. You need to help yourself though. Get yourself engaged back in life...a life without him. He was never really a huge part of your life to begin with. You know that factually, but you're romanticizing what you had.
The most she'll end up with, besides more heartache, are harrassment charges.
Honestly, hon, you are running the risk of making a fool of yourself...you're getting there Seriously. Have more pride than that dear! You don't need HIM to make yourself happy. There are SO many things you could do to get your mind off him...and time WILL heal. If you're sitting around all day and thinking about him, waiting for him to return your calls/texts, that's just chipping away at your self esteem, bit by bit. You need to help yourself though. Get yourself engaged back in life...a life without him. He was never really a huge part of your life to begin with. You know that factually, but you're romanticizing what you had.
I really did want him to stay in my life and its hard to let go. Not sure what I am going to do but I'm going to try my best to lay off the texting and calling eventhough things were seeming to get better... maybe I'll wait a few days maybe forget about it I just didn't want him in my life at all it hurts :( he said he wasn't going to leave my life. I know I sound pathetic I guess I just miss him and I'll be home soon and I hate giving up :(
Just give it another go maybe it's meant to be cuz i know breaking up from love is hard......
Hi Cutipup. This has happened to me 3 times in my life and my heart goes out to you, this can leave a person devistated both mentally and phycially. Just know in your heart that you have the strength to overcome this and youll find love again some day.
Youll look back some day, that realize that this was for the best. When the dust settles youll realize that this was not a healthy relationship for you, as made your vulnerable to having another person have power over you. This will make you much stronger.
You might also reflect back that you possibly had done this yourself to someone who loved you.
If the stress gets to much, you might want to try some therapy. There is a treatment called "Rolfing" that can help relieve your anxiety. It really helped me alot.
Youll look back some day, that realize that this was for the best. When the dust settles youll realize that this was not a healthy relationship for you, as made your vulnerable to having another person have power over you. This will make you much stronger.
You might also reflect back that you possibly had done this yourself to someone who loved you.
If the stress gets to much, you might want to try some therapy. There is a treatment called "Rolfing" that can help relieve your anxiety. It really helped me alot.
You should stop texting him. Don't send him texts "all day" and call him "all day." Especially since the relationship was not really on that firm a footing in the first place, it sounds like you are casting him in a fantasy of your own devising. He's going to get creeped out if you don't leave him alone.
Sometimes you just need to turn up the speakers on a broken heart song, and then move on, girl!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1Mq0Vvsxk8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1Mq0Vvsxk8
Maybe thats what makes me sound foolish but it wasn't like that in the beginning. Honestly he had expressed his feelings for me first, love, asking me out, inlove and so on. I guess that was what I wanted and wanted to hear. And I think thats what I fell for. Yes he is a good person and very attractive has everything great on paper but maybe thats what I fell for and just went alongf with it... Idk but I was not the one expressing those in the beginning when I felt it I said it. maybe you are right but I think we fell in love fast or maybe the idea of love (he never had someone who cared like I did and showed love, affection, attention etc.) I never had the guy who had "everything, great looks, wanted me, didnt really judge, accepted me, good job goals....etc.... I don't know I guess I am just confused on the entire thing.
Yes I can get therapy but too much money on co-pays. I have no job and will be back at school soon. It ***** feeling this way though. I tried to be optimistic in looking like this could work if we were to have that time that w never had but now I guess that is what makes me seem "crazy so to speak."
Yes I can get therapy but too much money on co-pays. I have no job and will be back at school soon. It ***** feeling this way though. I tried to be optimistic in looking like this could work if we were to have that time that w never had but now I guess that is what makes me seem "crazy so to speak."
That's what concerns me, the level of your grief over a relationship that never really got started to begin with. It takes more time, and more time spent with someone to develop the deep feelings you claim to have for him. I certainly understand that you liked him a whole lot, and was hoping to have the relationship grow into something more, but the fact is, it didn't, and he made it pretty clear that he wasn't on the same level...and he kept his focus on the things that should be important...and you should be doing the same thing, focusing on school, friends, and the like.
I'm not entirely sure either of you understand what it is to TRULY "love" someone, in the way you're having trouble getting over. A month or two of texting and phone calls, with a few dates really isn't enough time to develop that kind of "love". You didn't really even have enough time to get to know one another. Like I told you before (I think)...I think it's more the cat and mouse "chase" that sucked you in. That's not love...that's longing for something you kind of knew in your heart that you never had to begin with.
You can seek therapy even when you're not in school. I think you would greatly benefit from that. Good luck to you.
I'm not entirely sure either of you understand what it is to TRULY "love" someone, in the way you're having trouble getting over. A month or two of texting and phone calls, with a few dates really isn't enough time to develop that kind of "love". You didn't really even have enough time to get to know one another. Like I told you before (I think)...I think it's more the cat and mouse "chase" that sucked you in. That's not love...that's longing for something you kind of knew in your heart that you never had to begin with.
You can seek therapy even when you're not in school. I think you would greatly benefit from that. Good luck to you.
I guess you are right... this false hope is killing me... Idk if he was trying to be nice or not since it seemed to be going well and he even said the same thing. it *****. I was going to counseling in school but won't be back there till early July. I really don't even know why I have false hope... I think is is because we never had a real foundation because since we met we only spent somee random weekends together when I came home, everything was long distance. I knew in my heart that when I came home things would be different. We would have a lot more time together and get to open up and know eachother more...the time we never had. I guess that is why me coming home this week was the "hope" I stll have this hope. Kind of like when I see him we will fall back into eachothers lives like it was and should have been in the beginning... I don't want to sound foolish at all but this was how I felt from the start and I guess I have a feeling that its never too late. I know he still loves me. He said it. There was fighting and I feel like no real foundation since it started off long distance right from the jump....
To answer your original ?'s...
How do you get over a relationship?
NOT in the way you are going about it. By cutting all ties, and allowing healing times. You cannot continue to have false hopes. You must grieve over him like you would a death...it's OVER.
Especially when all you think about is getting the person back. Do you think that after you have been away from the person then see them again there is a possibility of the feelings coming back for the person? Any hope? .
NO, not at all. If that was a possibility,..he would be reciprocating your feelings, and seeking you out. He's being nice because he probably recognizes that you're struggling with the break up. Also, if there is any sex involved, he is using you for that. NOT a good idea.
How do you get over a relationship?
NOT in the way you are going about it. By cutting all ties, and allowing healing times. You cannot continue to have false hopes. You must grieve over him like you would a death...it's OVER.
Especially when all you think about is getting the person back. Do you think that after you have been away from the person then see them again there is a possibility of the feelings coming back for the person? Any hope? .
NO, not at all. If that was a possibility,..he would be reciprocating your feelings, and seeking you out. He's being nice because he probably recognizes that you're struggling with the break up. Also, if there is any sex involved, he is using you for that. NOT a good idea.
You are not allowing yourself to heal and move on by continuing this contact. The whole "friends" thing after a break up is a lot rarer than you think. If two exes DO form a friendship at some point, it isn't the kind you're thinking, where you will spend all kinds of time together, talking all the time..etc...if that was the case, you would have never broke up to begin with. After some TIME passes, and both people have healed and begun to move on, it's very possible to be friendly and cordial with the person, but that's usually about it. That should NOT be a goal at all for you. You need to be looking at this as something that's forever and permanent.
You need to break all ties and leave him be if you want to have any chance of healing and moving on. You're ripping your wound open day after day by continuing to obsess over him, and trying to keep him in your life, when he doesn't really want to be there. You keep trying to find reasons why he doesn't want to be there, and microanalyzing things to figure out why he's ignoring you..it's very simple hon, he's JUST not interested in having a relationship with you. If he WAS, you would be together. He doesn't have the same kind of feelings for you that you have for him, and you cannot MAKE someone feel a certain way. He's not going to grow into feeling a certain way. You're just torturing yourself, and frankly, run the risk of making a fool of yourself. Why spend energy on someone who can't reciprocate that?
We've all recommended therapy, I stand by that...you need it so you can start moving on. You continue to do things and think in a way about this that is very unhealthy for you.
You need to break all ties and leave him be if you want to have any chance of healing and moving on. You're ripping your wound open day after day by continuing to obsess over him, and trying to keep him in your life, when he doesn't really want to be there. You keep trying to find reasons why he doesn't want to be there, and microanalyzing things to figure out why he's ignoring you..it's very simple hon, he's JUST not interested in having a relationship with you. If he WAS, you would be together. He doesn't have the same kind of feelings for you that you have for him, and you cannot MAKE someone feel a certain way. He's not going to grow into feeling a certain way. You're just torturing yourself, and frankly, run the risk of making a fool of yourself. Why spend energy on someone who can't reciprocate that?
We've all recommended therapy, I stand by that...you need it so you can start moving on. You continue to do things and think in a way about this that is very unhealthy for you.
Still can't seem to move past this Sat. and Sun. we spoke as friends, I think I am just trying to keep him in my life "as friends" but hoping when he seesw me again in person things might just be different. Sunday night I asked him if we could hang out this week... Sat and Sun we texted all day and were getting along pretty well for the most part. When I asked him he hadn't responded to that particular text until later Sunday and said that he would be busy this week cause his uncle who lives far upstate is coming in from town. I made a remark "You probably don't want to see me anyway." Idk why I said this but I did. Then he says why are you starting we were doing really well. I said I was sorry but I just wanted to hang out and he was like im just busy this week... after I apologized for saying what I had said I texted and no response ( a few times) since then ( all of Monday, yesterday) I texted and called throughout the day, even sent an email and no response. Could that one remark that I apologized for make him ignore me? Things seemed to reallt be getting better, talked about normal things, hanging out, him helping me train (to lose weight) do fun things together. This might sound bad but my original intention was to see how things would go from here.....
cutipup, an "in love" relationship is a physical addiction. It's an addiction to pleasurable brain chemicals. When both people in the relationship feel the same way, it works like dynamo.
When only one has this in love brain chemical reaction, it's a disaster because they break up and then that one person has to go through withdrawal from the relationship, which is what you're doing now. You're going through addiction withdrawal.
This will pass in time if you let it. There are people who won't let it pass - because the pain is all they have left of the relationship and they want the pain rather than nothing. (I'm not saying you fall in to this category).
He doesn't want you back. The longer you hold on to that hope, the longer you will be in pain. The trick is to force yourself to STOP thinking of him. Each time your mind wanders to him, and it will, STOP. Think of something else. Have things planned to think about (tonight's dinner, your summer vacation, a fun memory, etc.) That will create new webs in your brain. Exercise, and do things that you like to do for fun.
Best wishes. This is hard, but it's not impossible.
When only one has this in love brain chemical reaction, it's a disaster because they break up and then that one person has to go through withdrawal from the relationship, which is what you're doing now. You're going through addiction withdrawal.
This will pass in time if you let it. There are people who won't let it pass - because the pain is all they have left of the relationship and they want the pain rather than nothing. (I'm not saying you fall in to this category).
He doesn't want you back. The longer you hold on to that hope, the longer you will be in pain. The trick is to force yourself to STOP thinking of him. Each time your mind wanders to him, and it will, STOP. Think of something else. Have things planned to think about (tonight's dinner, your summer vacation, a fun memory, etc.) That will create new webs in your brain. Exercise, and do things that you like to do for fun.
Best wishes. This is hard, but it's not impossible.
It sounds kind of like you are indulging in the kind of unrealistic thinking that borders on magical thinking, sweetheart. If he has clearly said "I do not want a relationship," show him the respect of believing him. It is not a mistake or delusion or error when that sentence comes out of someone's mouth.
Focus on finals, you would have long-term life effects from doing poorly on finals, no amount of explaining you were in a breakup will get you into the grad school of choice or job you want later, if they question your lousy performance at this time. Suck it up right now and take care of these tests that have long-term consequences. Cry after finals are over.
Focus on finals, you would have long-term life effects from doing poorly on finals, no amount of explaining you were in a breakup will get you into the grad school of choice or job you want later, if they question your lousy performance at this time. Suck it up right now and take care of these tests that have long-term consequences. Cry after finals are over.
Thank you for the advice... Wish it was that easy... depression has kicked in full effect. sleeping/eating/cant do homework and its finals. I just want him back and i don't know why I still have hope when he does not want a relationship. for some reason i believe when we see eachother in person things just might be different. maybe its unrealistic
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there. Time does heal. I would just stay very busy. Can't remember why you broke up at this minute but sometimes it can be a mistake but most often not. In the meantime, I'd just use a journal for an outlet, stay busy, work on yourself, and I will be hoping for peace for you. good luck
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