Loss of a BF

[kris123]

How come it feels so bad when a guy, who you thought liked you,  does not call?  He doesn't want a serious reals., wants to take it slow, but I went to fast and had sex with him.  It happened at my house, and I feel so guilty that I let him come in here take my feelings and leave.  I can not seprate the two, sex and feelings.  I want things slow to, but maybe we don't really want the same things or I want things to move faster.  How do I relax, go on with life, not wait for his phone calls.  This is only after 3 weeks.  I think my problems are my own and I am buying a house, bipolar is bad, I have lost about 10pounds, Kala's dad has cancer, and ryan daddy wants to take him alone for a while :(  and now i gave myself away for hurt and pain.  Move on or stay.  He has called a few times after that night.  I was waiting on him on his call.  Will this sorry feeling go away.  Maybe I should just let this go for now.  I don't know

[imanaddict]

Same here love! You already know how I feel about the situation as well. It was bad from the start and it got worse. When a guy says they don't want a relationship, they usually mean it. There's a very slim chance that you will be able to change that. It's happened to the best of us and the thing to do now is let this guy be. Go on about your life, learn from this experience and try not to make the same mistake again. Don't let it get you down! You are not the first woman to get used by a man, and you definitely won't be the last, but you CAN change who uses YOU from now on.

[mami1323]

There really isn't much to say.  Judy said it perfectly.  kris hon, you already know how I feel about your situation.  In order to change your life, you have to start doing things differently from one relationship to the next.  Taking things slow means not giving up the goodies before you have had a chance to get to know that person and have established a relationship.  Meaning, you both want to be exclusive to just each other and you both are moving in the same direction as far as your wants and needs.  That can't be established within a period of 3 weeks.  That takes months.  Men love a challenge and once you have sex too soon, that challenge has disappeared.  He will just want sex from you and he will call you just to humor you so that when he's in the mood the next time it will be easy just to call you up and get it again.  Women and men view sex differently, we do it to connect emotionally with someone and they do just for the pleasure.  You have a ton of issues going on in your life.  I think you need to start focusing on those issues first and then when you are in a mentally healthy place start looking to date.  I never did think this was going to turn into a relationship.  You have to start following your instincts with people and if it seems funny in the beginning then you know something isn't right.  

[Judy246]

Hi, you first have to begin with you. From your message, it sounds like you have a lot going on and are also thinking too much. The first mistake you made was sleeping with him too fast. Many women think that by having sex with a man right away, he will fall in love with you...big mistake. There is no longer that element of surprise, because you both went right to it. I hope this will serve as a lesson that women are emotional and sex to a man is just that....a good time.  This guy is not interested in you. If he were, he would have called you right away. Accept your loss and re-evaluate you life.

Take some time to heal, think...quite time to reflect on you and your feelings. Start by surrounding yourself with family, good friends, a healthy environment. What is it that you like? What are you best at....exp. sport, exercising, walks, etc.  Begin on the inside, which will reflect on the outside and walk away from this relationship and don't look back. It's not healthy for you and will only set you back. Start taking care of you first, your health, your appearance, your mind. Break ups are never easy, but you survive and become wiser on what not to do next time.

You heal by accepting what you can't change, one day at a time and baby steps. You will meet a guy, naturally and when you least expect it. He will fall in love with you and love you for who you are as you are. You will be ok, but start from the inside out. Take care of the self first.