Husband has never wanted a sex life

[Kris673]

I am 36 years old and have been with my husband 3 years and married to him for 1 year.Well since we got together he has not wanted to have a sex life we have gone a month or more without him even trying to have sex with me.When i confront him about it he gets really mad tells me thats the only thing im worried about.He also at times told me sex is the last thing on his mind usually.He is 28 and i am just frustrated! Sexually and emotionally.He has epilepsy and i asked his doctor if his meds wich he is on DEPAKOTE would effect his sex drive.And he said no.Soooooo WHAT DO I DO.

[peggy64]

Also, a possibility is that he in into pornography. That affects a mans desires with a real woman.

[Judy246]

He is 28 yrs. old and his sex drive wanting it all the time, so your concern is justifiable. Maybe, work, health and kids have a lot to do with it, maybe not. It's time to tell him that you are frustrated and your sexual needs are not being met and what can be done to resolve any issue's or concerns that he has, but that you want and need intimacy. If he continues to "sqirm" his way out of it, tell him that you would like to set an appointment with a marriage counselor or priest to discuss what issues are causing his lack of want for intimacy or problems in the relationship. Also, keep an eye out of his behavior for infidelity (I'm not saying he is, but it also needs to be considered).  Judy

[Lauriea]

Sounds exactly like the same thing I am going through, except I am 35 and my common-law husband is 45. He has a lot of issues with me right now, because he caught me several times over the years with prescription pain medicine. I am off of it now and am in full recovery, but he still is withholding affection. He isn't turned on by my looks. Do you need to lose weight? Do you fix yourself up? I do and he still won't even kiss me anymore. I feel very rejected & ugly and I am starving for affection! It might be the medications he is on too. You need to check it out.

[jo929]

I have heard of women not wanting a sex life, but they usually had a good reason, but i have never heard of a man not wanting sex you did not say whether he wanted sex before you were married or not, if he did not then he will never want it, if he did then there is a problem with health or possibly another woman????   luck  jo

[iam1butterfly]

... perhaps your title holds the answer, " Husband has never wanted a sex life"

Some people (men and women) just aren't that into it. Like Vic said, this is what courtship and dating sorts out... you discover all of these nuances and similarities in the other person so that there are no surprises and disappointments further down the line in the relationship.
Clearly, it's a disappointment for you. And, it would be a "deal-breaker" for most others.
But, if there's any truth to your title statement and he's always been this way then I just don't see him changing... that is to say, unless he wants to change.

[specialmom]

Could he possibly suffer from depression or anxiety.  These are notorious for causing low sex drive.  There are also things like hormone imbalance (yes, men get them too) and thyroid issues that can cause a low sex drive.  Do you approach him?  I think sometimes women think men are supposed to be chasing us around the bedroom-----  but sometimes women have to do the chasing.  The cliche of the man always being so much more sexual can be a myth.  Everyone is different-----  so you may have to be the pursuer.  Try that instead of asking him what is wrong with him for not wanting sex more.  If he still says no frequently, I would ask him to speak to his primary care doctor and find out if there is a medical reason for low libido.  (and by the way, any CNS drug can affect libido).  Good luck.

[VicUser]

I don't mean to sound rude by the first rule of thumb is "choose well". Dating is a time to see if you fit, that your wants and desires in life are the same. So many of us are just so glad that we have found someone that we latch on thinking this is the only person that will love me, only to realize later we are not really a fit. Many times it is after kids are born which, in my opition obligates us to the next 18 yrs or so until they are up and out. At this point in time if you have made a mistake and do not have kids talk to him and see if you can work on making him happier and he you, if that doesn't work then admit this was a mistake and move on.

[dawnangela]

And you should tell him of course your worried about it, he is only 28 you 34 he still should be in the honeymoon faze at that age..28 and not wanting sex there has to be something on his mind, work, family, health?..Does he know you still want the sexual contact? you need it..How is he in other parts of the relationship, loving, caring? I would see if he would speak to someone with you about this, a doctor or counseling? My opinion, if he dos'nt want sex at 28 there is something he is not happy about in the relationship or himself..good luck:)