Aa
Husband wants sex, i am not interested.
My husband and i have recently had a baby a month ago. He wants sex everyday but i am not interested and often see it as a chore. I want to be close to him and cuddle but am not interested in having any type of sex. if i dont have sex with him he pleases himself while watching pornography. Him watching pornography hurts me because i feel as if he likes that female better than me. He constantly bugs me for sex until i give in or later that night will masterbate. what should i do. please help me. This is effecting our marriage. It is causing him a lot of stress but at the same time i dont know how to become more interested and am currently unhappy with the way i look if i dont have on form fitting clothing and makeup but dont feel like doing this all the time.
believe me i love my husband very much ... but we were only together 9 and a half months before getting married and i was 12 weeks pregnant when i got married and then miscarried our beautiful baby 10 days later ... we lived with his parents at the time because my step dad abused me when i was 14 and my mother kicked me out when i was 18 because i finally told her the truth. she wanted to stay with him and i had to leave. he is now in prison but is supposed to get out soon. i have a lot on my plate emotionally and find it very hard to communicate with my husband because of it all but mostly because my mother taught me to hold my feelings inside, except for anger, by never talking about her feelings and emotions unless she was angry enough from letting it bottle up inside, which i know is not healthy but its all i have ever known to do .. i can talk to other females but it still bottles up inside because i am not able to talk to my husband about our problems in an appropriate way without causing problems. this is how i contribute to out marital problems in a negative way.
believe me i love my husband very much ... but we were only together 9 and a half months before getting married and i was 12 weeks pregnant when i got married and then miscarried our beautiful baby 10 days later ... we lived with his parents at the time because my step dad abused me when i was 14 and my mother kicked me out when i was 18 because i finally told her the truth. she wanted to stay with him and i had to leave. he is now in prison but is supposed to get out soon. i have a lot on my plate emotionally and find it very hard to communicate with my husband because of it all but mostly because my mother taught me to hold my feelings inside, except for anger, by never talking about her feelings and emotions unless she was angry enough from letting it bottle up inside, which i know is not healthy but its all i have ever known to do .. i can talk to other females but it still bottles up inside because i am not able to talk to my husband about our problems in an appropriate way without causing problems. this is how i contribute to out marital problems in a negative way.
: (
I'm sorry you regret getting married, but since your little baby is here depending on you, you can make this work.
He's got some growing up to do, and for now you'll have to do the heavy lifting. Apparently you're the only one of the two of you that has long term money sense, so somehow you'll have to figure out how to get him to budget and not spend foolishly, and you'll have to look past some of the stuff that he does that's very immature, for awhile.
I really wish you the best, this is hard.
I'm sorry you regret getting married, but since your little baby is here depending on you, you can make this work.
He's got some growing up to do, and for now you'll have to do the heavy lifting. Apparently you're the only one of the two of you that has long term money sense, so somehow you'll have to figure out how to get him to budget and not spend foolishly, and you'll have to look past some of the stuff that he does that's very immature, for awhile.
I really wish you the best, this is hard.
perhaps i got angry with you for saying we were to young to get married because i regret getting married .. the only thing i don't regret is my child.
Gracious.
Bluegummiebear, I hope that your prediction that your posts may get your account shut down don't turn out to be true.
And you've completely misjudged me.
So. I never said you forced your husband to marry you, I said he's too immature to be an effective husband and father right now. That much must seem obvious to everyone on this board.
And I think you have to work with what you have, which is a man who does want you, and prefers you over masturbation, and at least goes into privacy to do that.
Maybe the two of you could read "The Care and Feeding of Marriage" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. I'm sure it's at the library, and it will redirect both of you to putting each other first which is what it takes to make a successful marriage.
And I'm not jealous that I'm older. I honestly wouldn't want to go back to being 20 again, been there, done that, got the grey hairs to show for it.
Nobody lives a perfect life, bluegummie, but I will say I've been very blessed to have had the luck of being born into an intact family and so was my husband. Both of our parents are still married to each other, still living and still going to be there for Thanksgiving. So while we haven't always been finacially wealthy I've been rich in the example for a lifelong marriage that both our sets of parents showed both of us.
And I think that experience is worth hearing, and the wisdom from being married 25 years myself is worth passing on to newlyweds who are off -track.
Yes, you're both off-track.
Go back and read my posts to you with that in mind, that they are mean to give you a different perspective than the one you have - and is causing you both to struggle - and realize my words aren't meant to hurt.
Best wishes.
Bluegummiebear, I hope that your prediction that your posts may get your account shut down don't turn out to be true.
And you've completely misjudged me.
So. I never said you forced your husband to marry you, I said he's too immature to be an effective husband and father right now. That much must seem obvious to everyone on this board.
And I think you have to work with what you have, which is a man who does want you, and prefers you over masturbation, and at least goes into privacy to do that.
Maybe the two of you could read "The Care and Feeding of Marriage" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. I'm sure it's at the library, and it will redirect both of you to putting each other first which is what it takes to make a successful marriage.
And I'm not jealous that I'm older. I honestly wouldn't want to go back to being 20 again, been there, done that, got the grey hairs to show for it.
Nobody lives a perfect life, bluegummie, but I will say I've been very blessed to have had the luck of being born into an intact family and so was my husband. Both of our parents are still married to each other, still living and still going to be there for Thanksgiving. So while we haven't always been finacially wealthy I've been rich in the example for a lifelong marriage that both our sets of parents showed both of us.
And I think that experience is worth hearing, and the wisdom from being married 25 years myself is worth passing on to newlyweds who are off -track.
Yes, you're both off-track.
Go back and read my posts to you with that in mind, that they are mean to give you a different perspective than the one you have - and is causing you both to struggle - and realize my words aren't meant to hurt.
Best wishes.
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Relationships Community
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
second of all...this is sexual pressure and a form of abuse. he needs to stop pressuring you into sex and then ignoring your feelings by making you feel like you HAVE to have sex with him to keep him from masturbating to porn.
consider therapy. couples therapy, marriage therapy, sex therapy, or all of the above. you both need help learning to communicate and compromise in the bedroom.
above all....DON'T feel unattractive. YOU JUST HAD A BABY! sweetie...your body just went through the most difficult thing a body CAN go through in a lifetime. give yourself a break and try to love yourself.
most likely your sex drive will come back as your hormones level out again after the baby's birth...but you have to give it some time...and he needs to be patient for your health AND for the health of your relationship.
sorry you're going through this, you're very vulnerable right now and it sounds like he's not being very sensitive. speak up...stand up for yourself.