I don't know what's wrong

[kelsie]

Okay, i need help with a problem that i have had for years. When i was younger all the way until maybe my sophomore year of high school, i was very shy and i don't want to say i was scared i just wasn't confident enough to date or hang out with boys. It was the summer going into my senior year of high school, so 2006, when i first had lost my virginity. Before losing my virginity i hadn't done one thing with a boy, but kiss, which was my junior year prom. The thing that is weird about me, is if i like a boy, i can't hang out with him alone, i don't know why. But i can sure go have sex or something. I just feel like i have lost all respect for myself and i don't know how to say no. I just want to know what my deal is. I don't want to have random sex anymore, i really would like to just be in a relationship and get over my fear of just being in a relationship and being hurt. I mean i have had many guys want to hang out with me and when they try i always end up ditching them. But i just want to just hang out with them and stop being so damn lame. It's just weird because two years ago i was one of the most innocent girls and now i am one of the sluttiest, i hate to say that about myself, but it's true.
Does anyone know anything about my problem and can help me with it?

[autum]

You are not pathetic, you just need to learn from your mistakes...  You need to love yourself first before you let another love you...  Its going to be hard at first, but you can change that lifestyle by putting your foot down... you may get hurt a few times, due to some just want sex and thats it, but you need to love your own body, and appreciate it, by not abusing it.   You sound like a very lovely woman, and I know you have the will power of changing. Show the guys you are hanging out w/ who you really are, by your personality, which goes a long way.  Right now, I think you need to give it some time before you decide dating by, finding your true self, and becoming the person you love.

Hope this helps
Autum

[Agiesmom]

I'm wondering if you were ever sexually abused.  I've read that women who were abused often detach emotionally and also try to control men--because they had no control at all at one time.  Or maybe you have trust issues?  Have you ever felt abandoned?  Just wondering why you might be doing this.

If you want to stop this, I would seek counseling. In the meantime, I think you should make sure you are never alone with a guy and refrain from getting involved with anyone until you have a healthier view of yourself, men, and relationships.  (And, in the meantime, make sure you are on VERY effective birth control.)

All the best to you.

[kelsie]

thank you so much, i think that is really what's wrong with me too. i think that i am scared to put my feelings into a relationship and i'm scared that it might hurt me. another big problem for me too, is my friends. i just want to be so close to them and everything and i look at some of my friends that have lost most of their friends for boyfriends and have no one when they break up. i don't know i just think i am pathetic and need to just start giving some guys chances.

[autum]

Well this is my opinion:  I think you are scared of getting in a relationship and that you think the best way of having a intimate time with a guy is to sleep with him, but to change that you have to change yourself...    Try something new... set yourself limits like, for example, be in a relationship w/ a guy for atleast 6months before you sleep w/ anyone... so you will know they want you for you and not your body...  thats all I can tell you...


Autum