Aa
I am falling....for the wrong person???
Ok, first off, I am so glad that there is a relationship forum here. I did not realize that until now. I am a clinically depressed person with anxiety disorder. I am a "family values republican"....whatever that means.
I got divorced in 2007. I have a beautiful 7 year old daughter. I met a girl through school activities. She is 32 (I am 40) and at first I never thought anything about her. She was some woman with 4 kids. She also has tattoos which do not turn me on. The more I got to know her and her personality, the more I liked her. We joined on facebook and it got even more dramatic. She had issues, she had enemies. She has people busting out her car windows and stuff. She is very opposite than me. She has 4 kids from 3 men, one was an affair. She lived with a black man for a while (Let me get back to this). I found out stuff about her because I know the people she works for. She got pregnant in high school. I adore her! I adore her kids. They seem to like me. She asked me out and I am scared. The fact that she live with a black guy does not bother me at all but with the exception that I cannot "measure up" so to speak. I am not even above average for a white guy. She has all of this baggage but I would do anything for her. She is so awesome. I don't want to get hurt but I do not want to hurt her either. Can anyone give me some advice?
I got divorced in 2007. I have a beautiful 7 year old daughter. I met a girl through school activities. She is 32 (I am 40) and at first I never thought anything about her. She was some woman with 4 kids. She also has tattoos which do not turn me on. The more I got to know her and her personality, the more I liked her. We joined on facebook and it got even more dramatic. She had issues, she had enemies. She has people busting out her car windows and stuff. She is very opposite than me. She has 4 kids from 3 men, one was an affair. She lived with a black man for a while (Let me get back to this). I found out stuff about her because I know the people she works for. She got pregnant in high school. I adore her! I adore her kids. They seem to like me. She asked me out and I am scared. The fact that she live with a black guy does not bother me at all but with the exception that I cannot "measure up" so to speak. I am not even above average for a white guy. She has all of this baggage but I would do anything for her. She is so awesome. I don't want to get hurt but I do not want to hurt her either. Can anyone give me some advice?
COMMUNITY LEADER
Here is the thing. My gut tells me this will end badly for you AND your daughter. but that is my gut and I'm not there. This thread has shown me that you already have a plan/idea and any type of intervention isn't what you are really seeking. I've been dead honest with you here . . . and will add that you have given ammo for gossip now ar your daughter's elementary school. Maybe you do not care but she may down the road. I'm not trying to be rude or rain on your parade but you have more to consider than just your hormones and attraction to a woman. I've been in enough relationships to know that we have the ability to make choices about partners. I'm in a stable long term marriage now because I really took the choice making process seriously. Maybe this will be the case for you as well but my gut just isn't agreeing. (rats---- wish it did because I know you'd love for this to work out . . . and maybe it will . . . )
If I were single with my boys, I'd most likely not date. If I did, I'd not bring my kids into it right from the very begining and do my adult romancing in private for a period of time. And I'd certainly not date someone at my kids school knowing the repercussions for my boys if it went bad. That's me. But I'm careful about my choices. You are not me and you will do what feels right for you.
Bringing me back to my original point that it matters not what I write here as this feels good to you right now and you want to do it. I wish you luck and am glad you had a fun time last night. peace
If I were single with my boys, I'd most likely not date. If I did, I'd not bring my kids into it right from the very begining and do my adult romancing in private for a period of time. And I'd certainly not date someone at my kids school knowing the repercussions for my boys if it went bad. That's me. But I'm careful about my choices. You are not me and you will do what feels right for you.
Bringing me back to my original point that it matters not what I write here as this feels good to you right now and you want to do it. I wish you luck and am glad you had a fun time last night. peace
I have an update:
Tonight was our "date" but it was with the kids at an indoor (inflatables) playground. We had been here twice before together, but not since the revelation that we wanted to date each other. We sat and talked. At first, it almost seemed she was as nervous and shy as I was (she later revealed that she was nervous, in a txt message). She told me a good bit. Why things happened in her marriage. How much her oldest daughter doesn't like her dad because of things. She didn't open up all the way, but we made progress. I know that many people aren't spiritual, and I am agnostic a lot of the time, but I think higher powers are in the works with this. Something is happening that I have never experienced. If you believe in prayer, I think I need some right now, for the right path. If not, just give big thoughts that I make a good decision. About 12 hours ago I was so lost that I could have gone down a desperate spiral. Right now, I am feeling AWESOME!
Tonight was our "date" but it was with the kids at an indoor (inflatables) playground. We had been here twice before together, but not since the revelation that we wanted to date each other. We sat and talked. At first, it almost seemed she was as nervous and shy as I was (she later revealed that she was nervous, in a txt message). She told me a good bit. Why things happened in her marriage. How much her oldest daughter doesn't like her dad because of things. She didn't open up all the way, but we made progress. I know that many people aren't spiritual, and I am agnostic a lot of the time, but I think higher powers are in the works with this. Something is happening that I have never experienced. If you believe in prayer, I think I need some right now, for the right path. If not, just give big thoughts that I make a good decision. About 12 hours ago I was so lost that I could have gone down a desperate spiral. Right now, I am feeling AWESOME!
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, I do sincerely wish you luck and hope it works out for you!
COMMUNITY LEADER
I'm curious why you posted the question as there doesn't seem to be any question in your own mind when given reasons why this won't be a good idea.
If you suffer anxiety ----- this may be a quick fix for you as well.
But your mind is made up-------- good luck.
Oh, and 'don't worry about the kids, they'll be fine' is naive and misguided. You should always worry about your kids and how possible outcomes could affect them. Adult choices can certainly make kids suffer a good deal in their aftermath.
If you suffer anxiety ----- this may be a quick fix for you as well.
But your mind is made up-------- good luck.
Oh, and 'don't worry about the kids, they'll be fine' is naive and misguided. You should always worry about your kids and how possible outcomes could affect them. Adult choices can certainly make kids suffer a good deal in their aftermath.
P.S.
I meant to be done but I can't resist myself.
As regards my statements here and others as well:
If You see someone about to go over a cliff do You grab him by the ankle or do You stand there and wave good bye?
I sorta feel like I was waving good bye when I all I said was "good luck"
I meant to be done but I can't resist myself.
As regards my statements here and others as well:
If You see someone about to go over a cliff do You grab him by the ankle or do You stand there and wave good bye?
I sorta feel like I was waving good bye when I all I said was "good luck"
good luck
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