Aa
I can't find a girlfriend!
I really don't know how to ask this but why do most girls pull the friendship card on nice guys(at least in my experience)? I'm always told that I'm too nice or not good looking enough plus most think I'm too nerdy. I feel like I have no chance it's been 3 years since my last girlfriend and I'm tired of being lonely. What do I have to change about myself to meet someone and leave a lasting impression or is it even possible? I'm going to college, looking for a new job, positive about life and my future isn't that responsible enough? I am so tired of being the guy with no girlfriend when all my friends are happy and in serious relationships. My grandmother is starting to think I'm gay or something, she never sees me with any girls and both my brothers are dating and they don't even deserve the girls they are with. I'm just confused and lonely...Sorry about my ramble I feel like an idiot asking this question.
I tend to agree with RockRose's last comment. You might be coming off as seeming to be disinterested. Girls like a guy who shows some interest.
newport, are you maybe coming off as being completely uninterested in the girl? When you say you are laid back, and complicated and difficult to understand, it sounds like you are appearing as maybe brooding and uninterested. Being passive, and giving girls "whatever they want" (don't know precisely how that plays out) also may come off as almost lethargic.
I don't know.
I don't know.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Pistons, interesting comments as you stated in a question of yours similar to others you have asked that the girl you now have a crush on is "out of your league"-------- your own words. Hm.
Anyway, I really believe that if someone has in their heart to be with someone Newport, they will be eventually. I think sometimes girls pull the friend card because it isn't the right time for them to be dating someone (quite possible with driven pre med students), they may not be attracted for some reason, they may have the hots for someone else.
My advice to you is for YOU to pull the friends card. There are some people that want someone so badly that pretty much anyone they hang out with becomes someone they want to date. Dating is about finding someone special----------- so really, it is in your best interest to say "I'm not dating and looking for people to hang out with"----- even though I know that is hard when you want to date someone. But put yourself on break from that for a bit.
What about the vibe you give off? What is your body language and demeanor saying? Just something to think about. If it says "desperate or needy" you are sunk. Another good reason to work on friendships first.
As said above, really focus on your interests and hobbies. This makes someone super interesting and helps with any insecurity that is brewing within.
You'll meet someone Newporttt. Have faith.
Brice, I know guys exactly of which you speak. They aren't closet gay guys (the ones I k now). . . they just feel they are entitled to be with a beauty queen when they do not offer what those seeking the perfect guy themselves want. And yes, I do think many who spend their whole life chasing that------ are subconsiously more comfortable being alone. So the mate they seek is never obtainable. I think, though, an awful lot of them are those guys that seek perfection but are not perfect------ so those who are perfect aren't interested in them. (perfect is relative to what someone is personally interested in.)
Okay, good luck newporttt.
Anyway, I really believe that if someone has in their heart to be with someone Newport, they will be eventually. I think sometimes girls pull the friend card because it isn't the right time for them to be dating someone (quite possible with driven pre med students), they may not be attracted for some reason, they may have the hots for someone else.
My advice to you is for YOU to pull the friends card. There are some people that want someone so badly that pretty much anyone they hang out with becomes someone they want to date. Dating is about finding someone special----------- so really, it is in your best interest to say "I'm not dating and looking for people to hang out with"----- even though I know that is hard when you want to date someone. But put yourself on break from that for a bit.
What about the vibe you give off? What is your body language and demeanor saying? Just something to think about. If it says "desperate or needy" you are sunk. Another good reason to work on friendships first.
As said above, really focus on your interests and hobbies. This makes someone super interesting and helps with any insecurity that is brewing within.
You'll meet someone Newporttt. Have faith.
Brice, I know guys exactly of which you speak. They aren't closet gay guys (the ones I k now). . . they just feel they are entitled to be with a beauty queen when they do not offer what those seeking the perfect guy themselves want. And yes, I do think many who spend their whole life chasing that------ are subconsiously more comfortable being alone. So the mate they seek is never obtainable. I think, though, an awful lot of them are those guys that seek perfection but are not perfect------ so those who are perfect aren't interested in them. (perfect is relative to what someone is personally interested in.)
Okay, good luck newporttt.
First off thank you for your comments. I am not the kind of guy that holds super high standards that are way out of my reach at least I'm not aware of this. I'm typically never in the spotlight because I am kind of an introvert but I do have good conversation with most girls I'm just not super aggressive and it seems like girls like the guys that are over confident and assertive(my brothers). I'm definently not gay I've always been attracted to women.
I'm majoring in Pre-med and their is a lot of potential to meet new girls I just havent had any luck yet plus most these girls are too involved in their studies to really notice me. I look at everything logically and I guess girls/relationships can't be classified that way.
The last girl I dated thought I was funny and intelligent but she said we didn't have chemistry and that she preferred someone a little less complicated or easier to understand. I thought we were compatible but apparently I was just another obstacle in the way of her happiness. I'm a very easy going guy and I treat girls with respect I've always been passive and given girls whatever they want. I mean isn't that what I should be doing treating girls like, "queens". Maybe I'm just giving off the friendship vibe; I've never been good at picking up on girls "cues" because my self esteem is almost non existent at this point. I guess I'm just operating on a different wave length, I just hope I can find somebody soon cause I'm really starting to get depressed.
I'm majoring in Pre-med and their is a lot of potential to meet new girls I just havent had any luck yet plus most these girls are too involved in their studies to really notice me. I look at everything logically and I guess girls/relationships can't be classified that way.
The last girl I dated thought I was funny and intelligent but she said we didn't have chemistry and that she preferred someone a little less complicated or easier to understand. I thought we were compatible but apparently I was just another obstacle in the way of her happiness. I'm a very easy going guy and I treat girls with respect I've always been passive and given girls whatever they want. I mean isn't that what I should be doing treating girls like, "queens". Maybe I'm just giving off the friendship vibe; I've never been good at picking up on girls "cues" because my self esteem is almost non existent at this point. I guess I'm just operating on a different wave length, I just hope I can find somebody soon cause I'm really starting to get depressed.
Brice, it sounds to me like your friend was possibly gay, and struggling with that admission.
As a woman I can only give my opinion. When I would pull the friend card it wasn't always because I wasn't attracted to the man. There were a lot of reasons. One was he was coming on just way, way too strong and that just wasn't for me. Another reason was that I had nothing in common with him. If I'm bored with a person why would I want to be in a relationship with him?
Perhaps you're just meeting women who don't find you mentally stimulating. What do you talk about with women? Have you thought about maybe making note cards with different topics? My friend does that and it seems to work for him through the first few dates. (he's now engaged and his finace, a mutual friend of ours, thought it was cute when he told her about the note cards.)
Perhaps you're just meeting women who don't find you mentally stimulating. What do you talk about with women? Have you thought about maybe making note cards with different topics? My friend does that and it seems to work for him through the first few dates. (he's now engaged and his finace, a mutual friend of ours, thought it was cute when he told her about the note cards.)
Brice, it is even possible that your friend manufactured this ideal person as a mechanism for not having to risk commitment and fail.
Adding to my above story, the guy I was talking about worked for me in the bar business as one of my doormen. Pretty good looking guy, hard worker and a pretty good attitude towards things. He used to get hit on every single night and never in 5 years followed through with even one of them.
Asking him about his problem, I simply said "Dude, go home with one of these girls and get out of the slump..." He said something I respect. "I'm not interested in a one night stand." I still think that is a pretty noble thing to say but I politely reminded him that a relationship has to start somewhere. I said instead of bedding one of these chicks, take them for coffee and just talk. He wouldn't do it. He simply could not get over his ideals. Unfortunately he died a very young man and very much alone.
Something within his psyche wouldn't allow him to stray from what he thought was the perfect woman. Personally, I think the guy was dreaming. He manufactured this "person" in hopes of her actually walking into his life.
For me, my wife is exactly the body type I like. Besides that, she had an I.Q. I did everything I could to lock that down. I pulled out all of the stops. I thought that part of me being aggressive would run her off but hoped that she could see my sincerity. 19 years later and were still together.
Asking him about his problem, I simply said "Dude, go home with one of these girls and get out of the slump..." He said something I respect. "I'm not interested in a one night stand." I still think that is a pretty noble thing to say but I politely reminded him that a relationship has to start somewhere. I said instead of bedding one of these chicks, take them for coffee and just talk. He wouldn't do it. He simply could not get over his ideals. Unfortunately he died a very young man and very much alone.
Something within his psyche wouldn't allow him to stray from what he thought was the perfect woman. Personally, I think the guy was dreaming. He manufactured this "person" in hopes of her actually walking into his life.
For me, my wife is exactly the body type I like. Besides that, she had an I.Q. I did everything I could to lock that down. I pulled out all of the stops. I thought that part of me being aggressive would run her off but hoped that she could see my sincerity. 19 years later and were still together.
I agree with the others, and I think you may be trying for girls who are out of "your league". i also was wondering about your statement that you are "positive". I'm not sensing it when you say both your brothers are dating and they don't deserve the girls they have. They must be doing something right -
I've said this before, but I really wish there was a business for people like you, you could go in and do an interview and they'd give you pointers. Because you're missing something that you are unable to express in your post, that would make it pretty clear what is going on.
Best wishes.
I've said this before, but I really wish there was a business for people like you, you could go in and do an interview and they'd give you pointers. Because you're missing something that you are unable to express in your post, that would make it pretty clear what is going on.
Best wishes.
You sound a lot like this buddy of mine. This dude was so envious of what I had.... a wife, kids, dog, white picket fence, the whole 9 yards. He had been on a "dry spell" for years. His problem was, he had this "ideal woman" syndrome. The girl he was looking for had to be so tall, had to have blond hair, blue eyes, bust size had to be perfect, her waist couldn't be bigger than 24 inches, she had to dress a certain way, her hair needed to be done a certain way, her hands had to be small and free from defects, she had to be willing to live in the mountains, had to be open minded when it came to religion, had to have some kind of college education, had to want kids, had to enjoy hunting and fishing, had to like coffee........ his girl had to be all of the above. Obviously, some of the above was an exaggeration but he had this ideal and wouldn't settle for anything less. So instead of letting his guard down to get some company from the fairer persuasion, he kept it up and kept himself lonely.
If I were you, I'd take a good look at myself. Make sure that it isn't my head that is chasing women away. As Annie said above, whatever you like to do for recreation.... get out and do more of it. As well, step out of your comfort zone and do some new stuff. I personally think we have to work on ourselves in order to receive what it is that we are looking for.
If I were you, I'd take a good look at myself. Make sure that it isn't my head that is chasing women away. As Annie said above, whatever you like to do for recreation.... get out and do more of it. As well, step out of your comfort zone and do some new stuff. I personally think we have to work on ourselves in order to receive what it is that we are looking for.
It doesn't matter what your grandmother thinks, it matters what you think. I went through a celibate patch at around the same age, and was telling a friend that I was OK with it and pretty content with my life, and she laughed and said "I can tell that you're going to meet someone, then." What she was talking about is that contentment draws people into your personal space, the same way desperation makes people nervous and keeps them away. So I guess what I would suggest to you is that you try to work out some things to do with your time and your life that you really, really enjoy (that are out of the house, please ... not just computer games), and follow that in order to make *yourself* happy. Chase the things that are simply the most fun. Kayak, run, cook, do theater in the park, work with animals, whatever it is. Do more and more of it. It will build your joy and make your life more light, and that is all for your own happiness as well as to increase the chances of meeting someone also fun.
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