I dont know what to do

[Britt411]

Okay so me & my boyfriend took things really fast im living with him & Im in love.. I found out he is going to propose to me soon & i wanna say yes but... There are some problems.. I have really bad trust issues& I dont drink too much lil to nothing i pretty much stopped & he kinda has a problem... He knows i dont like him drinking.. Hes a marine...& hes been to Two marine events & got so drunk he didnt come home.. The first time he didnt come home till 10 pm the next day.. The second time a female answered his phone... He said it was a female marine that picked up his phone cuz he left it lying around... I packed my things & i was gonna leave but i didnt Because i love him I wanna help him... He said he didnt cheat on me or anything & i dont feel that he did but it is in the back of my head... He has an ex wife that he ends up talking about a lot.. I feel like he may have feelings for.. I dont want him talkin to her... I know i was wrong but i invaded his privacy today... I went on his myspace  cuz it remembers his password... Hes talking to his ex wife... Another ex... & another female marine... I cant see what the marine said but he said back to her you know you love my smile whats up sexy & that really hurt me & idk what to do... I was horribly wrong for invading his privacy!!!!! But if i dont tell him what i saw its goint to eat me up inside!!!!!!!

[megochick101]

If you can't trust him then i would NOT marry him just yet. If you just have problems in general with trust you may want to think about therapy to try and help you get passed this before entering into any committed relationships.

Normal relationships are hard. Military relationships are TWICE as hard because the Military basically OWNS your boyfriend right now. If he goes over seas, will you trust him to stay faithful to you? if his work calls him in to work whenever they feel like it(it happens often in the military!) will you be able to trust that he is actually going to work at all hours of the night/day?? Would you be able to handle your husband being away for months(or longer) at a time with limited contact? These are major questions you need to ask yourself in a relationship with a military man.

As to him drinking all night and not coming home. that is a big NO! And you allowed it TWICE?? After the first time it happened why didn't you go to the next event? When me and my now husband were just dating, whenever i visited him at the base I was able to go to almost every event they had and it should be the same way with your bf. if he's telling you that you're not allowed to go to the event he is completely lying to you(unless it's say a funeral or he's going in the field)

As to the female answering the phone. Yes he could have been passed out and left his phone laying around somewhere. BUT for all you know he could have been in the bed next to her. I have to say if any woman ever answered my hubby's phone. He would get the b*tching of a life time from me!!

Now onto the myspace message. Hell to the NO! lol  I don't care if he was trying to make you jealous or not. There is no excuse to be blatantly flirtatious to another woman when you're already in a relationship.

Finally WTH are you even considering moving across the country and marrying this guy??? First he sounds like a prize a$$,and you have absolutely no trust for him. you can't make a relationship last if you can't even trust your partner.

[Judy246]

YOU said it, not I. When you post for advise, just read all the good advise that you got from everybody. The man is breaking your heart already!!!!! I suggested a great place for new beginnings, so don't misinterpret or put words in my mouth. If you like being treated like ****, stay with him, but there is a great big world out there, just waiting to meet you, once you come to the realization that the reality is he is either cheating on you, will cheat on you and that is not love. Don't let your "love" emotion, debilitate you to the point where you will take abusive behavior for fear of losing him.

[KalynS]

All I can tell you is that if you are having to ask all of these questions, really think about what a big step you are going to be making. Marrying a man it sounds like you can not fully trust and on top of that moving literally clear across the country with him. You need to ask yourselves these questions and listen to your heart. Don't do something you think you will regret. I wish you luck in whatever you choose.

[Britt411]

So ur saying i would be stupid to stay with him???... I really love him i had trust issues before he even did anything wrong... I told him i went on his myspace & what i found... He said he was sorry but he said i accuse him of stuff so much that he thought he would give me a reason.. & he felt wrong doing it... I told him he needs to stop taking me for granted & realize what he has before he loses it... & im leaving to go work out with a friend & he better have something to say to me... & i told him im not going across the country for someone who doesnt want to do all he can to make this work & show me he loves me & show me he can be trusted

[Judy246]

also, the most important aspect of college....an education.

[Judy246]

Britt, why do you visit some city colleges or universities, make an appointment to speak with a counselor (start with the department of Liberal Arts & Sciences...just an example), go to the financial aid department and get a packet, so that you can apply for aid, grants, student loans, etc. College will open a brand new world for you and what other place can you find thousands of guys and girls close in age. I promise you will meet so many new guys, that you won't know what to do with all of them (lol).  When I was in college, I got myself into trouble for dating 3 guys at once. One day I was in the library and from every entrance one of the 3 guys entered....I hid in the bathroom, so that I wouldn't get "busted" and all of us meet (lol)....fond memories....go back to school, it will open your eyes to a new wonderful world, cultures, and lots of MEN!

[Britt411]

No im not in school... Cuz i dont have money & my parents make to much for me to get money to go... I want to go to school tho

[teko]

I still say if he is worth having, he is worth the wait. If you jump in right now you pretty much guarantee failure of a marriage. Just not enough substance between you to make it work. And you are way too young for all this drama anyway. You should be enjoying life right now. Are you in school?

[heatherlynn22]

if you can't trust him how will you stand being married to him? trust is key in a relationship. why didn't you go to these events with your b/f? my dh is a marine and whenever i would visit him in d.c. (while we were engaged...yes we went the entire 4 years without living together and for 3 of those years we only say each other 2 maybe 3 weeks a year)i went to all events with him. in fact that is why i went to d.c. to go to the ball.
i would have ended the relationship with dh if some strange woman answered his phone. i don't care how comfortable she is with him that is something that is absolutely NOT tolerated. to be that drunk somewhere. no no no no. luckily for me he has only gotten drunk on a handful of times while he was in the corps. and all those times there are tons of pictures (some absolutely ridiculous) or video of what he was doing. he and his buddies were camera happy.

[jo929]

It sounds like you have a big crush, and remember the trust issues, and you said this was a fast relationship, also if you marry with all of these problems you may be ex no 2 before long take your time to get to know him if he loves you he will write and come back to you if he does not you will know he did not care enough and are well rid of him,, luck  jo

[MrS_L0PeZ]

I agree with the above. You need to leave him. Theres so many red flags about him. Don't allow him to break your heart.

[Judy246]

Let's see...you are in love, but these are the problems according to your post:

* Trust issues on your part (insecure), don't drink (good girl!)
* Parter marine, drinks, didn't come home (not good) - Red flag!
* Female answered his phone (Red flag!), which means she was that comfortable with
  him to do that (BIG no, no)
* You tolarate his behavior (BIG no, no)
* We women have a "six sense" that we have to listen too (like a guardian angel
   warning us that something is not right)
* He is dishonest, sneaky, untrust worthy, still has feeling for ex (yes, he does)


You need to leave him now. He brings a lot of baggage and is not ready for a committed relationship. He is going to break your heart and you know it. He did it already and will do it again.....run and don't look back.

[AHP84]

That's a big decision to make. Your profile says you live in CA and you're 20 years old. Moving to NC married to a man you are having trust issues with means you leave behind all you know in CA and it's not like you can just pick up and go home. Plus, he's already been married once before and divorced, yet he's still "involved" with the ex wife.

Every young girl at your age wants to find a good man and settle down and start a family--heck, I'm 24 and I'm finally getting that wish, and it felt like I had to wait *forever.* But be honest with yourself and ask yourself if this is really the man for you to spend the rest of your life with, that you want a family with, that you would walk away from your life, friends and family in CA for, and be totally okay with that, no regrets. Obviously, you have until about late September to really decide.
You're 20 years old, so if you give this one up, it's not like your life is over and you'll never have another chance at love with anyone else.

[Britt411]

Sept 9 he is going to north carolina for training & then he gets back oct. 3 then 10 days after that hes moving to north carolina cuz his duty station has changed he is stationed there for 3 years.. & he wants me to go with him... & in order to go we have to be married...& he told me im the one... & he wants to marry me & have a family with me... Idk what to do.. Because i want all that with him...

[AHP84]

Well, if he proposes, all you have to do is not say yes. That doesn't mean you're going to break up with him.
What's the hurry to marry him if you have reservations about it? That's nothing to be ashamed about. If you're having trust issues with him, and it sounds like you are for good reasons, then work on those first. Then decide what you want. Don't jump into a marriage that has trust issues from the get-go and increases your risk of divorce in 5 years or less, and most likely after an innocent child could be involved by then.

[teko]

I think it sounds like you do not know this guy well enough to be saying yes to a marriage proposal. It takes time to see what someone is really about and you already have misgivings. Whats the hurry?