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20845837 tn?1533198161

I gained weight and my gf hates it.

Since I started to work at a foreign country as a chef, I noticed that I gained weight and my girlfriend hates it. She keeps on telling me I should try to reduce my weight. I wonder if that is something you should be ashamed of. I mean, if she really loves me she wouldn’t care how I look. I am not really that fat; I just gained weight. It kills me everytime I see her acting like she doesn’t want me now because I’m kinda chubby. I’m starting to doubt if she loves me for real.

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Avatar universal
Just to clarify, does she say you "need to" lose weight or that you "should consider" lose weight? Is she really mean about it or does she try to approach the subject as gently as possible? I'm trying to get a sense of whether she is saying it out of genuine concern for you or if she's just being a jerk about it. Can you clarify?
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
So, I have a couple of thoughts on this. It's okay for one partner to prefer their partner to not be heavy.  I think that anyway.  I'm glad my husband has allowed me to age without complaint.  :>))))  He never mentions my girth I've added to the middle after kids.  Or the wrinkles on my face.  We've got a strong foundation of a long time marriage.  I don't mention his belly or wrinkles either!  Are we super hotties like we used to be?  um, no.  But do either of us point it out, no.  But if we were dating early on and one partner showed that they were not interested in their health or exercise and gained a lot of weight, to me, that is a bit different.  Being committed is important but at the same time, we have to have to be attracted to our partner and not worry about their health or if it will get worse.  :>)  How long have you been dating?  Are you living in separate areas?  

So, don't get me wrong.  I'm not saying it's kind if she is wanting a thin man.  I'm just saying it's honest.  And if she hasn't yet signed on for better or worse based on where your relationship is at in terms of level of commitment, it's okay for her to feel that way.

I had a customer once who had a girlfriend. The gf's mom was very heavy.  He kept going on and on that if his gf has those genes and lets herself go, he'll be furious and cheat on her.  No joke.  I was like . . . dude, do NOT marry that poor girl and make her life a living H-E-double tooth pick.  He had a right to prefer thin women. But like, if you are going to the next level of commitment, that's it.  You give that superficial stuff up.  Not sure where you are at in this relationship.  

Does that make any sense?  lol  And what is your specialty?  (chef wise). :>)
Helpful - 0
134578 tn?1614729226
My husband is about 18 lbs. heavier than where he looks best. However, he watches what he eats, and he runs three miles every single day, so I am not worried about his health. If  he acted like he just intended to keep gaining, I would worry. But he's on top of the issue, so I'm unconcerned.

It sounds like you either suspect your girlfriend is only concerned because of wanting you to look nice, or you are feeling defensive and are throwing up that accusation because of feeling defensive.  It also sounds like you don't think carrying extra weight is unhealthy. Probably in the long run, you will lose the girlfriend over this topic. It's hard to tell from what you said if she is concerned because she is worried about your health or if she just wants to be with someone slim, but it does sound like you are taking it that it is the second reason and not the first.
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Avatar universal
Okay I see this is the question that asks for a very PC response, but there isn't one. If she loves you, she loves you, but attraction is pretty much influenced by how you look . If she doesn't like the way you look cause you gained weight, that this is how she feels and she is being honest about it. Or she can be quiet to keep you happy but resent you inside and lose her attraction and therefore affection for you. What would you prefer?
If you think you were more attractive before you gained weight maybe you should consider losing weight. Very few people find overweight people attractive and she is being honest and open about this. She is not being a jerk, she has the complete right to be absolutely satisfied with whomever she choses to spend her life with.
Helpful - 0
3060903 tn?1398565123
I think that it's a good thing when a partner gives another incentive to stay slim and in their best weight class.  Perhaps it can add to the relationship ? My son and his wife went to a "climbing" gym and the spot each other while the other climbs up a wall. It's incredible and both are adding muscle and having so much fun doing it.  They like the climbing because it's a slow sport, that you gain ability in, and the pay off is being able to climb real mountains. Maybe take the advice as a positive thing, and use it as a beginning to building your bodies and relationship stronger?
Helpful - 0
3060903 tn?1398565123
ps. I've never been with a chubby man - i'm sorry to say but i think it would be a turn off for me.  Just being honest but this wouldn't stop me from loving someone, but it would turn me off sexually.  That being said,  i would know that my chubby partner really loved Me if they cared enough to stay slim , and vice versa should the shoe be on the other foot. We all compromise in a relationship but some things cannot be compromised, like physical attraction, and of course, i'm not talking about wrinkles or aging, just fat.
Helpful - 0
5 Comments
WOW, I never really thought about this before, in my heart i'm thinking if i wanted to be with a rounded figure i'd probably be attracted sexually to women.  Is this a terrible thing to say? oh my. That's honesty for ya.
There's a lot of professions that people choose (that they love) and know that because they don't get exercise at work ,they commit to the gym membership or walking etc. I think working in a restaurant or bakery etc. might also be a good reason to exercise when not at work. If it were me, i would  think this might be a really good choice of partner for me and challenge myself to keep my fighting weight.
If it saves you from pre diabetes or diabetes which is so prevalent, you'll be thanking her in the end.
I completely understand what you're saying. My husband has gained weight after 6 years of relationship, and it's definitely taken a toll on our sex life. I'm not attracted to him sexually as before, therefore am rarely aroused. And his libido started declining as he was gaining weight.
But it doesn't mean I don't love him anymore, far from it. I couldn't picture my life without him. But love is not same thing as attraction.
495284 tn?1333894042
How much weight have you gained?  
Helpful - 0
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