Aa
In between two hearts.
Here is my story......
I am 32 and married *5years* with 3 children, September past an "old" friend found me on facebook, it took me a day or so before adding him because I knew exactly what would happen. We talked and caught up on what we have been doing for the past 17 years, shared stories about highschool, and our mutal friends . He is married for 5 years with no kids. In late October he wrote in a message that he sorta had a thing for me back in highschool, and when I read it I froze up and never wrote anything back didn't know what to say really as in highschool I was so head over heels for this guy it made me sick. I used to date his friend just so I could stay close to him. When I never replied he then wrote don't tell me you felt the same thing, I then replied with Oh yes!
After that we started to share the feelings we had, and I told him that in highschool I would have done anything to be with him, if he showed me any bit of interest rather than picking on me, he said the teasing was his way of dealing with the fact that he probably could'nt have me. I then told him I had diaries upon diaries of entries of him *3 in total* during highschool my mom had a baby, and I was able to pick his middle name..my brothers middle name is the name of this guy.
During my grade 12 year I met my *husband* and got pregnant really early into our realationship, and left school to start my life with a baby. I never seen or heard from the guy for a few years. I remember going to parks and running into the guy from highschool and getting all flusterested that I never said anything to him. 15 years pasted again and never seen or heard from him.
Now, since September we have been talking and sharing life's hopes and dreams. We have fallen in love, we wanted the same things in life, and believe we both settled because of the situations we had, me having a baby and staying with the father, just so I wouldn't be alone, and him thinking he's not good enough for any woman he settled with the first one who paid him any attention. I recently took a trip to see him (we dont live in the same place anymore) Once I got off the plane and seen him my heart melted, and we hugged and it felt like time stood still and we were the only ones there, it was like a feeling almost like being told you just won the lottery. It was everything I ever wanted for him to hug me. Once we left the airport and got to his car we just sat there starring at eachother, a million words were spoken in the dead of silence with our eyes.
I seen him off and on over the course of my visit to the town where he lives, and each time was electrifying, and amazing, we talked about everything, the fact that he is not able to have kids with his wife, and that I have kids and if or when we decided to be together he is sure that he wants to take on the responsiblity of being a step-parent. So sure he said that your name is ____ . We met up with a few people and each of them said the energy between the two of you is unspoken, why on earth didn't you two get together in higschool??
When I left to return home I was so broken hearted we didn't have it in us to see eachother that day, I was afraid of not leaving. It was like it was the end of something that never even started.
I am home again now, and struggling everyday that I am in the wrong place and I belong with him, he feels the same way, him and I both want to be together. If 17 years pass without seeing someone and when they return every feeling, memories and all the emotions come back as if no time has passed gotta mean something....I am without a doubt in love with this man, and the thought of passing up on our second chance is killing me, I feel if I don't go I will live with the regreat again for another 17 years.
How do I wals away from a man *my husband* who has been here for me and his children?? my marriage is not perfect by no means, we don't even communicate with out raised voices, I love my husband yes but this highschool boy had my heart 17 years ago,and truely always had it. I am in between two hearts and very confused. What if this guy is my soul mate?
Any advice or thoughts????
PLEASE
I am 32 and married *5years* with 3 children, September past an "old" friend found me on facebook, it took me a day or so before adding him because I knew exactly what would happen. We talked and caught up on what we have been doing for the past 17 years, shared stories about highschool, and our mutal friends . He is married for 5 years with no kids. In late October he wrote in a message that he sorta had a thing for me back in highschool, and when I read it I froze up and never wrote anything back didn't know what to say really as in highschool I was so head over heels for this guy it made me sick. I used to date his friend just so I could stay close to him. When I never replied he then wrote don't tell me you felt the same thing, I then replied with Oh yes!
After that we started to share the feelings we had, and I told him that in highschool I would have done anything to be with him, if he showed me any bit of interest rather than picking on me, he said the teasing was his way of dealing with the fact that he probably could'nt have me. I then told him I had diaries upon diaries of entries of him *3 in total* during highschool my mom had a baby, and I was able to pick his middle name..my brothers middle name is the name of this guy.
During my grade 12 year I met my *husband* and got pregnant really early into our realationship, and left school to start my life with a baby. I never seen or heard from the guy for a few years. I remember going to parks and running into the guy from highschool and getting all flusterested that I never said anything to him. 15 years pasted again and never seen or heard from him.
Now, since September we have been talking and sharing life's hopes and dreams. We have fallen in love, we wanted the same things in life, and believe we both settled because of the situations we had, me having a baby and staying with the father, just so I wouldn't be alone, and him thinking he's not good enough for any woman he settled with the first one who paid him any attention. I recently took a trip to see him (we dont live in the same place anymore) Once I got off the plane and seen him my heart melted, and we hugged and it felt like time stood still and we were the only ones there, it was like a feeling almost like being told you just won the lottery. It was everything I ever wanted for him to hug me. Once we left the airport and got to his car we just sat there starring at eachother, a million words were spoken in the dead of silence with our eyes.
I seen him off and on over the course of my visit to the town where he lives, and each time was electrifying, and amazing, we talked about everything, the fact that he is not able to have kids with his wife, and that I have kids and if or when we decided to be together he is sure that he wants to take on the responsiblity of being a step-parent. So sure he said that your name is ____ . We met up with a few people and each of them said the energy between the two of you is unspoken, why on earth didn't you two get together in higschool??
When I left to return home I was so broken hearted we didn't have it in us to see eachother that day, I was afraid of not leaving. It was like it was the end of something that never even started.
I am home again now, and struggling everyday that I am in the wrong place and I belong with him, he feels the same way, him and I both want to be together. If 17 years pass without seeing someone and when they return every feeling, memories and all the emotions come back as if no time has passed gotta mean something....I am without a doubt in love with this man, and the thought of passing up on our second chance is killing me, I feel if I don't go I will live with the regreat again for another 17 years.
How do I wals away from a man *my husband* who has been here for me and his children?? my marriage is not perfect by no means, we don't even communicate with out raised voices, I love my husband yes but this highschool boy had my heart 17 years ago,and truely always had it. I am in between two hearts and very confused. What if this guy is my soul mate?
Any advice or thoughts????
PLEASE
Just going to repeat what the other ladies have already told you.
I've been where you are, OK? I know exactly what you're feeling...your "love" isn't unique to the universe. But my kids will ALWAYS come first to me, and I realized after a little work and a little time of MAKING myself focus on my husband and the relationship we could have, that what he and I had was much more comfortable and stable than any crazy passionate love with some "other guy," no matter what our past together was, could EVER be.
Seriously. think of your kids. You are entitled to be selfish, you do after all have free will...but, really, that's all this is. I'm sorry, I know I'm harsh but like I said...I've BEEN there.
I've been where you are, OK? I know exactly what you're feeling...your "love" isn't unique to the universe. But my kids will ALWAYS come first to me, and I realized after a little work and a little time of MAKING myself focus on my husband and the relationship we could have, that what he and I had was much more comfortable and stable than any crazy passionate love with some "other guy," no matter what our past together was, could EVER be.
Seriously. think of your kids. You are entitled to be selfish, you do after all have free will...but, really, that's all this is. I'm sorry, I know I'm harsh but like I said...I've BEEN there.
COMMUNITY LEADER
It also did not go unnoticed by me that you have been married for 5 years and have 3 children. That would mean that you have really little kids that are all close in age. I only have two kids that are 15 months apart. I can imagine you must feel quite overwhelmed at home. Our kids are our pride and joy but when they are tiny and there are more than one tiny one at a time, it is exhausting. Some women even become a little depressed. Could this be you? Could you be overwhelmed and a little depressed right now? This is something serious to think about because it may cause you to look for outside sources of escape (the guy).
COMMUNITY LEADER
I really hate to see women make such foolish choices that ruin their kid's lives and their own in the end. Hurting our kids for our selfish needs (OH, I just really want to be with my highschool crush . . . whom by the way is also married and hence is a cheat, lyer guy with low moral fiber as well).
Go to marriage counseling with your husband and be a better wife to him. That is your best chance to live with dignity. I'd give this advice to my very best girlfriend, sister etc. but I wouldn't word it so nicely to the people I love. You are a stranger and are entitled to be selfish. But don't act like it is anything but that.
Man, facebook is creepy!
Go to marriage counseling with your husband and be a better wife to him. That is your best chance to live with dignity. I'd give this advice to my very best girlfriend, sister etc. but I wouldn't word it so nicely to the people I love. You are a stranger and are entitled to be selfish. But don't act like it is anything but that.
Man, facebook is creepy!
Everyone is saying that since You have Children it is NO LONGER about YOU - It's about THEM - THEY should come first - THEY should have YOUR priority. You've expressed no complaint or issue about their Daddy - only that You want to satifsfy Your fantasy about high school diary "dreams" - It comes across that satisfying YOUR fantasy supercedes the happiness of innocent children AND the happiness of a Husband and Daddy who don't deserve to be losing one another. This sounds foolish and immature to most of us and we are suggesting You reconsider what You are proposing to do.
In spite of our advice You remain free to make Your own decision.
My prayers and hopes are with/for Your Children - and I'm pretty sure they wouldn't want their Mommy to leave their Daddy
In spite of our advice You remain free to make Your own decision.
My prayers and hopes are with/for Your Children - and I'm pretty sure they wouldn't want their Mommy to leave their Daddy
Yes, the right thing to do would be to stay for the sake of the children, as long as there isn't abuse going on in the house.
If your husband is a good dad and a good man, that's the right thing to do.
When everyone disagrees with you, maybe you should rethink what you're considering.
If your husband is a good dad and a good man, that's the right thing to do.
When everyone disagrees with you, maybe you should rethink what you're considering.
I never broke up with his in the past we were never ever a thing.
I love my children, please dont assume I don't.
I have not told my husband yet about my feelings, but plan on it. Weither that leads to broken hearts and a broken marriage it is fair for him to know what I am feeling.
I said I was seriously considering leaving, never said I was. I have not slept since I posted here, as you all are pretty harsh, which is what I came here to find.
So say I decided not to tell my husband and stay, how is that fair???? I am obviously not happy because if i were I would have in no way aceepted the request from the guy when I knew what can of worms were going to be opened.
Tell me this......If I was unhappy and wanted a divorce because it wasn't working, would the right thing be to stay for the sake of the children? Im not justifying my action to make you all say go for it, im just trying to see why it's ok to stay when my heart is truly with someone else and because of this you all think I am a horrible selfish person who is not looking out for her children.
Im struggling.......
I love my children, please dont assume I don't.
I have not told my husband yet about my feelings, but plan on it. Weither that leads to broken hearts and a broken marriage it is fair for him to know what I am feeling.
I said I was seriously considering leaving, never said I was. I have not slept since I posted here, as you all are pretty harsh, which is what I came here to find.
So say I decided not to tell my husband and stay, how is that fair???? I am obviously not happy because if i were I would have in no way aceepted the request from the guy when I knew what can of worms were going to be opened.
Tell me this......If I was unhappy and wanted a divorce because it wasn't working, would the right thing be to stay for the sake of the children? Im not justifying my action to make you all say go for it, im just trying to see why it's ok to stay when my heart is truly with someone else and because of this you all think I am a horrible selfish person who is not looking out for her children.
Im struggling.......
Ashelen, no, my guess is she didn't read anything anyone said. There were women in the Jewish concentration camps who gave their food to their children, and starved to death themselves on the hope that their children might make it out.
And then there are women who say hey, if I can't have sex with the guy I want, I'm going to make everyone miserable by my unhappiness so it's really best that I have what I want in the first place, so I don't make myself and by extension everyone around me miserable.
Some moms think of the kids first, some moms never think of the kids.
*shrug*
And then there are women who say hey, if I can't have sex with the guy I want, I'm going to make everyone miserable by my unhappiness so it's really best that I have what I want in the first place, so I don't make myself and by extension everyone around me miserable.
Some moms think of the kids first, some moms never think of the kids.
*shrug*
High School girl, I've kept out of this thread until now.
I hope you haven't told your husband. That will break his heart, unnecessarily, and leave you with no choice at all except to leave. No man, as you say, wants to be with a woman who's in love with someone else. Bad, bad idea to tell him that right now.
You broke up with this guy before for a reason, don't know what it is. My guess is, if you leave your husband your children's hearts will be broken and soon you'll be tired of this guy again.
I hope you haven't told your husband. That will break his heart, unnecessarily, and leave you with no choice at all except to leave. No man, as you say, wants to be with a woman who's in love with someone else. Bad, bad idea to tell him that right now.
You broke up with this guy before for a reason, don't know what it is. My guess is, if you leave your husband your children's hearts will be broken and soon you'll be tired of this guy again.
Curious - did you really read anything we said? I mean, my story...doesn't ring any bells sounding like your own?
Well....whatever you choose...good luck. Think of your children before you think of yourself, though...that's the last bit of advice I can give and I sure hope you take it. Honesty is always the best policy, but be prepared to break a heart for selfish reasons...that's my take on it, at least.
Again...good luck.
Well....whatever you choose...good luck. Think of your children before you think of yourself, though...that's the last bit of advice I can give and I sure hope you take it. Honesty is always the best policy, but be prepared to break a heart for selfish reasons...that's my take on it, at least.
Again...good luck.
I first want to thank all of your for your comments. I apologize if there are any spelling errors as I am sendig this via my blackberry.
I honestly do not believe if I choose "the guy" that it will not last because our relationship started out wrong.
I am and have been my whole life a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.
I have confided in my mother who has said that keeping my family intact is the best thing to do but if I choose to leave will support me 100%.
I have decided that I am going to come clean to my husband and let him know how I am feeling, because I am really considering leaving.
I honestly do not believe if I choose "the guy" that it will not last because our relationship started out wrong.
I am and have been my whole life a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.
I have confided in my mother who has said that keeping my family intact is the best thing to do but if I choose to leave will support me 100%.
I have decided that I am going to come clean to my husband and let him know how I am feeling, because I am really considering leaving.
COMMUNITY LEADER
This is why I LOATHE facebook. I wish that would just go away for the problems it causes families.
I'll speak straight to you. Fantasy is always better than reality and you are living in fantasy.
Look at your children's faces. Then watch them with their FATHER. How could you do this to them? Once you become a parent, you owe it to your kids to be responsible to the family.
I don't speak in flowery terms when someone is doing the wrong thing. Cheating is wrong---------- and any relationship that starts while you are married to someone else will end 99% of the time. Why? Because cheating is cheating no matter what sing songy story goes along with it.
Turn off your computer and spend time with your husband and children. This is my best advice to you. good luck
I'll speak straight to you. Fantasy is always better than reality and you are living in fantasy.
Look at your children's faces. Then watch them with their FATHER. How could you do this to them? Once you become a parent, you owe it to your kids to be responsible to the family.
I don't speak in flowery terms when someone is doing the wrong thing. Cheating is wrong---------- and any relationship that starts while you are married to someone else will end 99% of the time. Why? Because cheating is cheating no matter what sing songy story goes along with it.
Turn off your computer and spend time with your husband and children. This is my best advice to you. good luck
Remember Eve and the forbidden fruit?
We all want what we can't have. Something that is off boundaries is what we want the most. Doesn't mean that that is what is best for us!
We all want what we can't have. Something that is off boundaries is what we want the most. Doesn't mean that that is what is best for us!
I get what you're saying. Look, I'm going to admit something to you in the hopes that you can avert disaster by taking my experience into account. I, too, was hit by a long-lost love several years into my marriage. We had first fallen for each other years ago and we really were the perfect match - but he was married and I was involved. We went our separate ways. One summer I got an email from him saying "my wife and I divorced last year, and I can't get you out of my mind. You are the best thing that's ever happened to my life and I can't imagine every day of my future without you". Problem being...I was married and pregnant with my first child. When I saw that email, it killed me. I spent weeks...WEEKS...thinking of how to reply. Because, i won't lie, when I saw his name in my email list my heart skipped a few beats, I got some flutters, all the old feelings came back, and it was like I was head-over-heels again. But....I was feeling REAL flutters in my belly, from my little one, and it grounded me. After several weeks of mulling, I finally replied with a polite "I've missed you in my life too, but I'm married now and expecting my first child...I really need to focus on that. I'm willing to have you in my life as a friend, but only after you've taken some time to digest everything. I'm so sorry things didn't happen between us the way we always dreamed, but this is the card life has dealt us...we have to play it."
He wrote back, heartbroken, several times, but I ignored them. It wasn't until about 6 months later that we friended each other on Facebook and I helped him (with my husband's knowledge of our past) ask out a girl he was interested in, and now they're together and happy as a clam. do I ever wonder what might've been? of COURSE>..this man boiled my blood. he really did all those things you say your lover does....and he was SO handsome and SO wealthy and SO thoughtful and it was just all too good to be true....and the REAL thing, the truth of my life, was that I had married and chosen to start a life with another man while this other man and I were apart...and now, although I'm sure we could've left our significant others and created a life together full of romance and daisies, we know that we made the right choice not to hurt the people in our life who really matter. now we are back to being friends (which is how we started) and we don't talk frequently because of our past and not wanting to stir up feelings (which is how you should've handled your high school crush in the first place and not put yourself in that position as a married woman, no MATTER the emotion involved!) and when we do talk it's always public - on Facebook walls, messages, posts...so that we're never tempted to discuss things we shouldn't. truthfully we're walking a fine line doing even that, but we were the best of friends for a good long while and I trust that my love for my husband and my children is going to always convince me to make the right choice. even if the right choice is hard sometimes, when we don't have money, or the kids are being bad, or my husband is p*ssing me off.....I'm doin the right thing, and I choose to be happy doing it. yes my husband isn't prince charming, but he's the man I chose to build a life with and if there are times when I wonder about this other life I could've had and think about another man who could've made me happy, instead of strayin I work harder to make the life I already HAVE better, stronger, and it always makes me happy. always.
I hope you can take away from my story a lesson....yes it sounds romantic to go for the person of your dreams, but it's not the right thing to do. not with children involved. you should've never put yourself in the position you're in, knowing these feelings would emerge, and now it's time to pay the piper and do the hard thing by living up to your responsibilities. you are perfectly capable of loving your husband and hving a great life with him and your kids....but you have to stop feeling victimized. "i'm stuck with this GUY while the one I want is somewhere else".....nope. not gonna cut it. you're a grown woman who made grown-up choices...now you have to live with them. once your children are grown and moved out of the house, if you really can't get this guy out of your head, you can maybe consider a separation and see where things go...but that's assuming your guy hasn't moved on by then. my thought on the whole thing is....yes, there are times when divorce is appropriate. this is not one of them.
i'm sorry if that seems harsh but i know exactly what is going on in your head, trust me I do....and I made the right choice. i know you can too...if you think about what REALLY matters and not only your happiness. best of luck
He wrote back, heartbroken, several times, but I ignored them. It wasn't until about 6 months later that we friended each other on Facebook and I helped him (with my husband's knowledge of our past) ask out a girl he was interested in, and now they're together and happy as a clam. do I ever wonder what might've been? of COURSE>..this man boiled my blood. he really did all those things you say your lover does....and he was SO handsome and SO wealthy and SO thoughtful and it was just all too good to be true....and the REAL thing, the truth of my life, was that I had married and chosen to start a life with another man while this other man and I were apart...and now, although I'm sure we could've left our significant others and created a life together full of romance and daisies, we know that we made the right choice not to hurt the people in our life who really matter. now we are back to being friends (which is how we started) and we don't talk frequently because of our past and not wanting to stir up feelings (which is how you should've handled your high school crush in the first place and not put yourself in that position as a married woman, no MATTER the emotion involved!) and when we do talk it's always public - on Facebook walls, messages, posts...so that we're never tempted to discuss things we shouldn't. truthfully we're walking a fine line doing even that, but we were the best of friends for a good long while and I trust that my love for my husband and my children is going to always convince me to make the right choice. even if the right choice is hard sometimes, when we don't have money, or the kids are being bad, or my husband is p*ssing me off.....I'm doin the right thing, and I choose to be happy doing it. yes my husband isn't prince charming, but he's the man I chose to build a life with and if there are times when I wonder about this other life I could've had and think about another man who could've made me happy, instead of strayin I work harder to make the life I already HAVE better, stronger, and it always makes me happy. always.
I hope you can take away from my story a lesson....yes it sounds romantic to go for the person of your dreams, but it's not the right thing to do. not with children involved. you should've never put yourself in the position you're in, knowing these feelings would emerge, and now it's time to pay the piper and do the hard thing by living up to your responsibilities. you are perfectly capable of loving your husband and hving a great life with him and your kids....but you have to stop feeling victimized. "i'm stuck with this GUY while the one I want is somewhere else".....nope. not gonna cut it. you're a grown woman who made grown-up choices...now you have to live with them. once your children are grown and moved out of the house, if you really can't get this guy out of your head, you can maybe consider a separation and see where things go...but that's assuming your guy hasn't moved on by then. my thought on the whole thing is....yes, there are times when divorce is appropriate. this is not one of them.
i'm sorry if that seems harsh but i know exactly what is going on in your head, trust me I do....and I made the right choice. i know you can too...if you think about what REALLY matters and not only your happiness. best of luck
In response to the last line of your second post:
If you walk away and it makes your KIDS crazy or depressed?? How will that affect YOU?
- and him? Will this new relationship be able to handle what that entails? This is a VERY important question.
You would be hurting 5 people for a fantasy based on a teenage girls' diary entries??!!
AND you would be bringing baggage into this relationship. Both of you would know that both of you didn't Honor the First Wedding Vows AND there will be 3 unhappy children who want their own Daddy AND most likely those things will wreak havoc on this relationship.
non-judgemental - just my thoughts
If you walk away and it makes your KIDS crazy or depressed?? How will that affect YOU?
- and him? Will this new relationship be able to handle what that entails? This is a VERY important question.
You would be hurting 5 people for a fantasy based on a teenage girls' diary entries??!!
AND you would be bringing baggage into this relationship. Both of you would know that both of you didn't Honor the First Wedding Vows AND there will be 3 unhappy children who want their own Daddy AND most likely those things will wreak havoc on this relationship.
non-judgemental - just my thoughts
I understand what you're saying, but I stand by my original advice and that is to stay with your husband and kids.
The fact of the matter is that your high school crush is, in my opinion, not an option anymore. You both had a chance to begin a relationship in the past, and for various reasons, you didn't. Both of you moved on with your life, although still continued to dwell on the past about each other--but you both moved on and made lives and families with other people. Everything you could've had together is gone; it's in the past and there's no point in trying to get that back. You can't bring back the past.
I really, really think you and your husband should do marriage counseling. You are worried that if you stay with him, you won't be the mother and wife you should be because you'll make yourself crazy and depressed dwelling on all the "what ifs" and grieving over something you never had. Now would be a good time to get the help you need, before this goes any further, for yourself, for your marriage, and for your family.
Sorry, I just can't see a happy ending if you choose to leave your husband to be with the high school crush. Too many people who should matter most to you are going to get hurt. I think you should not only look into marriage counseling, but also maybe grief counseling for yourself, so you can learn to let go of the idea of this guy.
Best wishes to you, and I hope that however your situation turns out that you find peace and happiness and have the life you want.
The fact of the matter is that your high school crush is, in my opinion, not an option anymore. You both had a chance to begin a relationship in the past, and for various reasons, you didn't. Both of you moved on with your life, although still continued to dwell on the past about each other--but you both moved on and made lives and families with other people. Everything you could've had together is gone; it's in the past and there's no point in trying to get that back. You can't bring back the past.
I really, really think you and your husband should do marriage counseling. You are worried that if you stay with him, you won't be the mother and wife you should be because you'll make yourself crazy and depressed dwelling on all the "what ifs" and grieving over something you never had. Now would be a good time to get the help you need, before this goes any further, for yourself, for your marriage, and for your family.
Sorry, I just can't see a happy ending if you choose to leave your husband to be with the high school crush. Too many people who should matter most to you are going to get hurt. I think you should not only look into marriage counseling, but also maybe grief counseling for yourself, so you can learn to let go of the idea of this guy.
Best wishes to you, and I hope that however your situation turns out that you find peace and happiness and have the life you want.
Thank you all for your comments, I do get what you are all saying but I would like to clarify that this "guy" isnt just some random guy, he is the guys that I have a million diary entries about...the guy I longed for to like me for 4 years, they guy I spent every moment of my free time in highschool with..
A little about my husband and I.......We met one night at a party and slept together that night without even knowing eachothers name. I ended up pregnant and instead of being a single mom on assistance I told him and well we did it. We were together for 10 years when my oldest son said daddy why is mommies last name different, he said we're getting married, so we did it. My husband is a wonderful man without a doubt, I just wonder how fair it is for him to have a wife who is " IN " love with someone else.
The "guy" in question is all I ever wanted in my whole life..I remember getting pregnant and staying with the father and before my second son was born 2.5 years later he was all I thought about......once I found out I was pregnant for the second time I just swept the thought of him and I under the rug. Over the years I would bump into people from highschool and the first question would always be ...have you seen _____ how is he?? what is he doing?? He has always been in my mind.
Just like when he requested me as a friend on facebook it was a day or so before I replied to his request because I knew this was going to happen, the flood of every emotion I ever had for him came back a million times stronger. We have talked hours upon hours over the course of the last 6 months, and when I was visiting we met up with one of his close friends who said your back, You know he loves you right, I said yes I know ...he said your all he ever talked about the past 15 years.
You all have said that these feeling are just from being swept up in the moment, and so it might be, and I dont doubt for one second that the excitment and lust will not fade, but I also don't doubt for a second the way this man feels about me or the way I feel about him. He will leave his wife I know this...he has already started the process.......... He is just waiting for me to make a decision, so with or without me he is leaving his wife.
When I was visiting I remember him telling me that by us choosing eachother doesn't mean we are choosing the person we love more or less it about choosing the person you can't live without. He said I was in love with you 17 years ago, I am still in love with you 17 years later, and I still want to love you in 17 years to come.
Sorry for my rambling but I want you all to understand that in my heart I don't believe this is something I can let slip away again.
I am not saying YES im going or NO im not, I just want all of your opnions as you don't know me and can give non-judgemental advice. it will not happen over night or in a few months, I just nee to figure out what's best for my children, and I know you all said the best place for them is with both parents, and in a perfect world where everything and everybody is on the same page that works. If I stay and walk away, and it makes me crazy or depressed?? How will that affect my children?
Thanks for listening.
A little about my husband and I.......We met one night at a party and slept together that night without even knowing eachothers name. I ended up pregnant and instead of being a single mom on assistance I told him and well we did it. We were together for 10 years when my oldest son said daddy why is mommies last name different, he said we're getting married, so we did it. My husband is a wonderful man without a doubt, I just wonder how fair it is for him to have a wife who is " IN " love with someone else.
The "guy" in question is all I ever wanted in my whole life..I remember getting pregnant and staying with the father and before my second son was born 2.5 years later he was all I thought about......once I found out I was pregnant for the second time I just swept the thought of him and I under the rug. Over the years I would bump into people from highschool and the first question would always be ...have you seen _____ how is he?? what is he doing?? He has always been in my mind.
Just like when he requested me as a friend on facebook it was a day or so before I replied to his request because I knew this was going to happen, the flood of every emotion I ever had for him came back a million times stronger. We have talked hours upon hours over the course of the last 6 months, and when I was visiting we met up with one of his close friends who said your back, You know he loves you right, I said yes I know ...he said your all he ever talked about the past 15 years.
You all have said that these feeling are just from being swept up in the moment, and so it might be, and I dont doubt for one second that the excitment and lust will not fade, but I also don't doubt for a second the way this man feels about me or the way I feel about him. He will leave his wife I know this...he has already started the process.......... He is just waiting for me to make a decision, so with or without me he is leaving his wife.
When I was visiting I remember him telling me that by us choosing eachother doesn't mean we are choosing the person we love more or less it about choosing the person you can't live without. He said I was in love with you 17 years ago, I am still in love with you 17 years later, and I still want to love you in 17 years to come.
Sorry for my rambling but I want you all to understand that in my heart I don't believe this is something I can let slip away again.
I am not saying YES im going or NO im not, I just want all of your opnions as you don't know me and can give non-judgemental advice. it will not happen over night or in a few months, I just nee to figure out what's best for my children, and I know you all said the best place for them is with both parents, and in a perfect world where everything and everybody is on the same page that works. If I stay and walk away, and it makes me crazy or depressed?? How will that affect my children?
Thanks for listening.
Remember....everything that is exciting about this "new" (old) guy is going to fade in time and leave you with all the mundane things that make your husband seem less appealing. It's a fact. passion comes and goes but enduring love comes from being determined to work through the tough parts of life....and not being blinded by what's shiny and exciting. It's time to buckle down and work through the committment you made when getting married and having kids. And like I said...remember, eventually the shiny dulls and you'll be listening to him burp and fart and scratch himself just like your husband does and all the things that made him seem so perfect and appealing will be pulled back and you'll be faced with just another guy - and one who didn't create a family and a life with you, and several beautiful children to boot....
good luck. time to get tough on yourself.
good luck. time to get tough on yourself.
Well i think the same as everyone, is just emotions playing with you.... you stared to feel the excitement that maybe you havent fealt before, but be aware that doesnt mean its LOVE just rush and excitement... i come from divorced parents and my mom fealt like you, that my stepdad was the one for her an not my dad... it Broke my heart that my parents got divorced, i had now to except this MAN as a stepfather??? HElll no!!!! i hated him and hated my mom... my mom didnt think of me not even one minute she was just focused on HEER and what she fealt and wanted... and she wanted HIM.... i went throw depression, anxiety and my mom didnt think it was a big deal me feeling like that.. now he is in Jail... and my mom is destroyd... just telling you dont htink just is CANDy is all sweet. becareful... think think... best wishes to you and if you belive in GOD pray to him to take those ideas and feeling away from you...
You ask how you can walk away from your husband, who has been there for you for years and is the father of your three children, even though your marriage isn't perfect. The answer to that question is, you don't.
You can't live your life wondering about all the "what ifs." Your life is what it is now, and there are four people involved in the decision you will make who are YOUR FAMILY--your husband and your three children. I agree 100% with TinkerBell's statement that whether or not your highschool crush wants to be their stepdad is NOT a priority, because I can tell you with certainty that unless your husband is a father who is absent, neglectful, abusive and/or a deadbeat father on any level, your children would prefer to keep their own daddy and not have to have the pressure of accepting someone else as a secondary father figure.
So my advice is to pull yourself together and quit dwelling on all the "what ifs" about this other guy. You made a life without him for the last 17 years, and from what you describe of your life with your husband and kids, it doesn't sound like it's a life full of regrets and missed opportunities. It sounds like you've got a pretty good life for yourself, really. You're just getting swept up in emotions over "what ifs."
If your marriage isn't perfect and it needs some work, then do something about it that will benefit everyone, such as seek marital counseling so you can better communicate with your husband. You won't solve any problems by leaving him and getting together with a man who may never leave his wife.
You need to focus on REALITY, not fantasies. Your kids need both their mom and their dad, and they'll be most secure if you are both together, working together to make your marriage the best it can be, both for you two and for them.
You can't live your life wondering about all the "what ifs." Your life is what it is now, and there are four people involved in the decision you will make who are YOUR FAMILY--your husband and your three children. I agree 100% with TinkerBell's statement that whether or not your highschool crush wants to be their stepdad is NOT a priority, because I can tell you with certainty that unless your husband is a father who is absent, neglectful, abusive and/or a deadbeat father on any level, your children would prefer to keep their own daddy and not have to have the pressure of accepting someone else as a secondary father figure.
So my advice is to pull yourself together and quit dwelling on all the "what ifs" about this other guy. You made a life without him for the last 17 years, and from what you describe of your life with your husband and kids, it doesn't sound like it's a life full of regrets and missed opportunities. It sounds like you've got a pretty good life for yourself, really. You're just getting swept up in emotions over "what ifs."
If your marriage isn't perfect and it needs some work, then do something about it that will benefit everyone, such as seek marital counseling so you can better communicate with your husband. You won't solve any problems by leaving him and getting together with a man who may never leave his wife.
You need to focus on REALITY, not fantasies. Your kids need both their mom and their dad, and they'll be most secure if you are both together, working together to make your marriage the best it can be, both for you two and for them.
I know it must be so difficult for you, but reality is that there are children involved, and your decisions is no longer based on what makes you happy, but what is best for your children.
I honestly know how sad you must be, but also remember...things happen for a reason. There might be a pretty good reason the two of you never got involved in school. Lets say you both divorce your partners. A few months goes by and it doesn't work out? Are you ready for that possibility? Remember...the grass is always greener on the other side, and especially when you have been married for years. We as women tend to get flushed every time we get the attention we don't get from our long term partners, from someone else and this can be extremely dangerous and misleading.
What ever you decide..just be carefull.
Good Luck
I honestly know how sad you must be, but also remember...things happen for a reason. There might be a pretty good reason the two of you never got involved in school. Lets say you both divorce your partners. A few months goes by and it doesn't work out? Are you ready for that possibility? Remember...the grass is always greener on the other side, and especially when you have been married for years. We as women tend to get flushed every time we get the attention we don't get from our long term partners, from someone else and this can be extremely dangerous and misleading.
What ever you decide..just be carefull.
Good Luck
Love is not breathlessness, it's not excitement, it's not promises of eternal passion. That's being "in love", which any of us can convince ourselves we are "in love". Love itself is what's left over when being "in love" has burned away.
A marriage needs love, trust, honor, respect and BOTH partners need to embody those words: be loveABLE, trustWORTHY, honorABLE, respectABLE.
Your relationship would be based on deceit - You would not be able to Trust, Honor and Respect one another because You are uUNtrustworthy, DIShonorable and DISrespectful to the vows You have now.
(whether he wants to be a stepdad is the LEAST priority here - the FIRST priority is the children and I'm betting they would like to keep their own Daddy!!)
A marriage needs love, trust, honor, respect and BOTH partners need to embody those words: be loveABLE, trustWORTHY, honorABLE, respectABLE.
Your relationship would be based on deceit - You would not be able to Trust, Honor and Respect one another because You are uUNtrustworthy, DIShonorable and DISrespectful to the vows You have now.
(whether he wants to be a stepdad is the LEAST priority here - the FIRST priority is the children and I'm betting they would like to keep their own Daddy!!)
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