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In laws
I've been with my boyfriend for two years now .. We have a 3 month old daughter. Ever since I got pregnant his mom disrespects me , curses me out , & calls me names when I have done nothing but help her when she needed it , be nice to her ? & used to genuinely care for her ... Right now we got into a argument because we have been on bad terms for almost a week now since the day I told her not to touch my daughters hands since she had pink eye.. She flipped out on me & has been harassing me since. So we argued today & now she wants my man to choose between me & my daughter or her ... What do I do ? I won't kiss her *** nor apologize for the things I said since I did not disrespect her & that's how I feel .. But I also don't want my man to be caught in the middle of this .. Help , I really need some good advice & google isn't helping .
Dats ur daughter not his mom its ur right to say who touches her i know u was looking out for her just try to make his mom understand dat she's wrong
Sounds like you got involved with ppl who have some serious drama going on.
That bf of yours needs to take care of this, not you, BUT I doubt he will since he is a "mama's boy."
This will not get any better for you UNLESS bf makes boundaries with his mother and you both get out of her house and get independent of her.....then you MIGHT have a chance.
BTW: She is NO in-law yet as you both aren't married....she is your bf's mother. Heaven help you if she does become your mother-in-law.
That bf of yours needs to take care of this, not you, BUT I doubt he will since he is a "mama's boy."
This will not get any better for you UNLESS bf makes boundaries with his mother and you both get out of her house and get independent of her.....then you MIGHT have a chance.
BTW: She is NO in-law yet as you both aren't married....she is your bf's mother. Heaven help you if she does become your mother-in-law.
Sounds like what you have there is culture clash. You don't say what country she wants to go back to, but it sounds to me like his family may be a culture where the sons are expected to stay with the parents in adulthood, and their wives are to submit to the matriarch of the family. And in their eyes, you have indeed ruined that dynamic they have raised him with.
Since I don't know you or your situation or your boyfriend, let me also add this and you can agree or disagree with it. Women who choose mama's boys and insist on trying to make a life with them are looking for a very submissive man they can boss around. They find one, sure enough, but that man already has someone trumping them and bossing the young man around more than the girlfriend can. It's frustrating for the girlfriend because here she's found this very submissive man she seeks and yet she's still unable to be the boss.
Food for thought.
Since I don't know you or your situation or your boyfriend, let me also add this and you can agree or disagree with it. Women who choose mama's boys and insist on trying to make a life with them are looking for a very submissive man they can boss around. They find one, sure enough, but that man already has someone trumping them and bossing the young man around more than the girlfriend can. It's frustrating for the girlfriend because here she's found this very submissive man she seeks and yet she's still unable to be the boss.
Food for thought.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there and welcome. Sorry this is the situation. My best advice is to talk to your boyfriend. When the mother of our partner is being difficult, it is best when our partner actually handles it. he can set a boundary--- please respect the mother of my child mom. We will be forced to move if this continues Mom.
and you stay friendly and try not to show any emotion about it.
She may not be thrilled with the situation. It, not be be rude at all but looking at it from a mother's point of view, is not a mom's dream for their child to get someone pregnant , not be able to live on their own as they aren't financially independent, etc. You don't mention his age. So, it is a hard adjustment to how someone may have pictured their child's life turning out and then what it really is.
Nursegirl makes an excellent point. Hopefully he and you are both doing things to become independent. College, job training, working really hard. It is time, right now, to have him throw himself into that. And you should be working on it as well. And hopefully in the very near future you can have your own place where you don't have anyone that has to 'help' out. That will definitely help things.
So, talk to your boyfriend about this and see what his thoughts are. good luck
and you stay friendly and try not to show any emotion about it.
She may not be thrilled with the situation. It, not be be rude at all but looking at it from a mother's point of view, is not a mom's dream for their child to get someone pregnant , not be able to live on their own as they aren't financially independent, etc. You don't mention his age. So, it is a hard adjustment to how someone may have pictured their child's life turning out and then what it really is.
Nursegirl makes an excellent point. Hopefully he and you are both doing things to become independent. College, job training, working really hard. It is time, right now, to have him throw himself into that. And you should be working on it as well. And hopefully in the very near future you can have your own place where you don't have anyone that has to 'help' out. That will definitely help things.
So, talk to your boyfriend about this and see what his thoughts are. good luck
I have already asked her & she said she had dreams for him & I ruined them
If that's how she feels, then this is something she needs to deal with, and really, your BF needs to speak up, explain that he is an adult, making his own decisions about how he wants to live his life.
Thing is, when you are are dependent on someone for a home, etc...it DOES give them ammo in a sense to be judgemental about your life. That needs to be priority one...getting out on your own...then you and your BF can confidently tell her to let you live your own lives and keep her opinions to herself.
If that's how she feels, then this is something she needs to deal with, and really, your BF needs to speak up, explain that he is an adult, making his own decisions about how he wants to live his life.
Thing is, when you are are dependent on someone for a home, etc...it DOES give them ammo in a sense to be judgemental about your life. That needs to be priority one...getting out on your own...then you and your BF can confidently tell her to let you live your own lives and keep her opinions to herself.
Sounds like she's acting very immature and petty. The advice not to touch your daughter's hands I assume was for HER benefit, so SHE then didn't get pink eye? That's strange that she would have gotten upset over that. The getting upset over you not saying "hi" is extremely ridiculous and childish.
I agree that there's some issue here that's deeper...she either has resentment toward you for some kind of perceived slight against her son (like the unplanned pregnancy messing up his life or something)...or resentment for her son's affections and attention.
Most always, these situations aren't totally one-sided. There may be things you are doing (or not doing) that is causing the way she feels, or in the least, adding to it. Are you helping around the house regularly? Are you and your BF contributing financially to the household?
If she's the kind of person where you can have an honest, CALM talk, that would be best. Tell her that you really don't like the tension between the two of you and would like to get to the bottom of it. Ask her to honestly tell you why she is so hard on you...tell her you want BOTH of you to work on making things better. That atmosphere is not healthy for anyone, most certainly not the young child. Don't be accusatory and finger point, just tell her you really want to sit down and talk.
In the meantime, you and your BF need to be working toward getting your own place and becoming independent and self sufficient. That needs to happen anyway..but it also may help to reduce the tension as you won't be in the same house anymore.
If she isn't willing to work on this with you...and be reasonable in discussing the issues, then you're just going to have to keep your distance. What does your husband say? Does he get involved?
I agree that there's some issue here that's deeper...she either has resentment toward you for some kind of perceived slight against her son (like the unplanned pregnancy messing up his life or something)...or resentment for her son's affections and attention.
Most always, these situations aren't totally one-sided. There may be things you are doing (or not doing) that is causing the way she feels, or in the least, adding to it. Are you helping around the house regularly? Are you and your BF contributing financially to the household?
If she's the kind of person where you can have an honest, CALM talk, that would be best. Tell her that you really don't like the tension between the two of you and would like to get to the bottom of it. Ask her to honestly tell you why she is so hard on you...tell her you want BOTH of you to work on making things better. That atmosphere is not healthy for anyone, most certainly not the young child. Don't be accusatory and finger point, just tell her you really want to sit down and talk.
In the meantime, you and your BF need to be working toward getting your own place and becoming independent and self sufficient. That needs to happen anyway..but it also may help to reduce the tension as you won't be in the same house anymore.
If she isn't willing to work on this with you...and be reasonable in discussing the issues, then you're just going to have to keep your distance. What does your husband say? Does he get involved?
She's attached to her son she doesn't get much attention from her husband so her companion always was my man & he's always been a mommas boy. I have already asked her & she said she had dreams for him & I ruined them & that she wanted to go back to her country with him when he finishes college ( she wants him to support her so she can divorce her husband ) but now that won't be happening since I'm in the picture
Have you asked her why she is treating you this way? There's something about you getting pregnant that sparked this, whether it be that she has strong feelings against having kids out of wedlock or feels you are trapping her son or whatever other possibilities there might be. I'd ask her the next time she starts yelling at you. Then, explain to her that you and her son made this choice, and you are both adults. Explain you value your relationship with her but cannot continue to put up with her disrespecting you and that it is very immature to put her son in a position where he has to choose.
I live with her tho .. I have been trying to avoid her like when she's in one room I won't go in there till she leaves or if she comes by me I won't make eye contact .. But she keeps arguing about the little **** like for example she cursed me out because I came in the house & she was in the kitchen & she was upset I didn't go to the kitchen to say hi to her ( mind you we aren't on speaking terms & even when we are I don't go find her to say hi ) I can't take this
You may just need to keep your distance from her since she's treating you this way and let your boyfriend do as he pleases with his relationship with his mother. That way he's not placed in this position again.
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