Aa
what would u do ?
if u saw a text from another woman on ur bf facebook page saying " i still love u my friend " ?
Let me ask, are these messages a frequent occurrence? How many different women are messaging him things of this nature? Is is all through FB?
I have to say, if there's a lot of women messaging him frequently, I would wonder why/how. It just would seem odd (and unlikely) that coincidentally all of these women are messaging him using pet names all around the same time. Is his replying to the messages? Have you seen sent messages FROM him to them? Are you sure he isn't perhaps encouraging the behavior with his own messages (even if there are no ill intentions on his behalf)?
I can certainly understand the frustration, more than anything because he's so dismissive of your feelings. If this was a one or two time thing, and you were still fussing, then I could see his point, but if it's ongoing, and with multiple women, it would be hard to ignore that.
I hope things get better for you!
I have to say, if there's a lot of women messaging him frequently, I would wonder why/how. It just would seem odd (and unlikely) that coincidentally all of these women are messaging him using pet names all around the same time. Is his replying to the messages? Have you seen sent messages FROM him to them? Are you sure he isn't perhaps encouraging the behavior with his own messages (even if there are no ill intentions on his behalf)?
I can certainly understand the frustration, more than anything because he's so dismissive of your feelings. If this was a one or two time thing, and you were still fussing, then I could see his point, but if it's ongoing, and with multiple women, it would be hard to ignore that.
I hope things get better for you!
we argued today and i asked if he wasent gonna do anything about this ( thats is his coworker) hr said NO , he is not the one calling her that and he cant go on life telling everyone who calls him a name something , he was like u dont know how to be a woman about it so just sit there and cry like a lil girl .. he also said this is life its gonna happen , i cant make u tell people that calls u names something all the time , but im like no body calls me that i dont even have guys friends cuz its not righ at my opnion and he was like i dont care whatever stop making me miserable about it and just get over it !! thats by far what i remenber .. i love him to death but i just cant live like this , you know he is my baby my love i should be the one calling him this not them !
That was good Nighthhawk..Very Sweet too!!
I send you my Prayers. It is up to you..You are to good of a person to have to be walking on egg-shells about the trust issue mostly.
Bless
I send you my Prayers. It is up to you..You are to good of a person to have to be walking on egg-shells about the trust issue mostly.
Bless
The guy sounds like a player, if his female friends are calling him baby, sweety etc. it does sound sexual by nature. I took "i love you still, my friend" as a loving nod from a friend who he maybe had not seen in years....
I was answering in response to a good man who had friends that loved him, but what you're describing is not that. What you're describing is a player, who has his own set of rules for himself, and the opposite set of rules for you. By him telling you that he didn't want you to talk to men, that suggests that his relates a connection between the opposite sexes to be driven by sexuality. Nowhere in no play book is it acceptable to have other women calling him pet names that you use in the bedroom. More than likely this is a game between him and the women. Not only are they irreverant, they maybe also get a kick out of yanking your chain.
One of my husbands had stripper friends coming out the ying yang, and i went through what you're going through, and it never changed until the day he died, and I was free from the confusion. He may not be sleeping with any of these women, but he has set up a tidy little life for himself that allows him to never be without sexually charged banter with women. It may be that it's just habit, and habits are hard to break. It may be that he lacks confidence and this massages his ego. It may be that he's been providing finanicial favors or drinks at the club , for this baby talk to continue. It could be he has to have an ace in the hole , in case doesn't work out with you. But, whatever the case ,he does not present as a family man, given what you've said about him, and I'm so sorry because you are now tied to him with a child, and that could be very hard to deal with.
My new husband would never do any of the things that i put up with in my second marriage. He's true blue through and through. You'll know it when you come up against a true blue type. My suggestion, is that you keep good friends, and don't be alone during this time. You need to be heard, if not by him, then by someone else. You're heard here Viv.
Maybe something will happen and he will listen to your concerns and change, but it has not been my experience, when i was with a player, for him to change dramatically enough to be considered a good and proper mate. I'm here for you Vv. Liz
I was answering in response to a good man who had friends that loved him, but what you're describing is not that. What you're describing is a player, who has his own set of rules for himself, and the opposite set of rules for you. By him telling you that he didn't want you to talk to men, that suggests that his relates a connection between the opposite sexes to be driven by sexuality. Nowhere in no play book is it acceptable to have other women calling him pet names that you use in the bedroom. More than likely this is a game between him and the women. Not only are they irreverant, they maybe also get a kick out of yanking your chain.
One of my husbands had stripper friends coming out the ying yang, and i went through what you're going through, and it never changed until the day he died, and I was free from the confusion. He may not be sleeping with any of these women, but he has set up a tidy little life for himself that allows him to never be without sexually charged banter with women. It may be that it's just habit, and habits are hard to break. It may be that he lacks confidence and this massages his ego. It may be that he's been providing finanicial favors or drinks at the club , for this baby talk to continue. It could be he has to have an ace in the hole , in case doesn't work out with you. But, whatever the case ,he does not present as a family man, given what you've said about him, and I'm so sorry because you are now tied to him with a child, and that could be very hard to deal with.
My new husband would never do any of the things that i put up with in my second marriage. He's true blue through and through. You'll know it when you come up against a true blue type. My suggestion, is that you keep good friends, and don't be alone during this time. You need to be heard, if not by him, then by someone else. You're heard here Viv.
Maybe something will happen and he will listen to your concerns and change, but it has not been my experience, when i was with a player, for him to change dramatically enough to be considered a good and proper mate. I'm here for you Vv. Liz
i already did all i can think of , ive been nice , mad , i packed my bags , i left , i came back and nothing .... i just cant look at him the same way no matter what im always gonna be thinking ..
You need to tell him (in a nice, respectful manner) your genuine feelings. Tell him how bad it hurts you when he hangs out with other females.. Tell him also that his "friends" shouldn't be using terms of endearment such as baby, sweetie, honey, etc...if he loves and respects you he will make some changes in his life in order to keep the peace and make you happy! You know what they say HAPPY WIFE, HAPPY LIFE! However, and here's the hard part: if he blows you off, disregards your feelings & changes nothing about the situation....well, at that point you'll have to make some tough decisions...... I hope he comes around...
he doent care , it hurts me everytime they call him babe or i miss u or i love you and so on ! dunno what to do cuz it really hurts me !
What has been going on..Give us a update.
Bless
Bless
Ok.... It sounds like you have some SERIOUS trust issues going on here and NO relationship can survive that. It also sounds like you are insecure ( please don't take that the wrong way.) I DO think that he should set boundaries with his friends..clear and concise ones at that but I don't think it's ok to try and make him give up his friendships simply because he's now in a relationship.... Also, as a mother, I KNOW that giving birth can really play with your hormones so a lot of the way your reacting to things could be because of that also... You can't keep him locked up or in a bubble so you have to decide whether your going to trust him or not! Has he ever given you a reason not to?? If you decide you can't trust him and are unwilling to give him your trust at any point and still stay with him you are truly setting yourself up for a life of misery........ I am here if you need to talk
ohh and its not just friends , exes too like WTF !
okay but they dont respect the fact he has a woman .. they call him baby , love , sweetie , i love u !!! ughhhh im so annoyed and he tells them nothinh i mean NOTHING at all , like please fucki n RESPECT ME ! i packed my bags today just dunno where to go i have nobody at all .. im shatered
I think going out with them alone is where I'd draw the line, and if he starts getting touchy about you asking questions rather than being open, then I'd say there's another issue. But just straight up not allowing him to talk with his female friends is a bit much.
Think about it this way: he had a baby with you, not with this other girl or any other girl. He wants to stay with you, not with that girl or any other girl. I'd say making him have to hide his contact with other girls is setting yourself up for trouble rather than a healthy relationship. If he has to talk to them behind your back, then he can't talk to you about how so and so is doing or what they talked about because you'll be mad. Instead of feeling he can openly communicate with you, he will have to be guarded.
Think about it this way: he had a baby with you, not with this other girl or any other girl. He wants to stay with you, not with that girl or any other girl. I'd say making him have to hide his contact with other girls is setting yourself up for trouble rather than a healthy relationship. If he has to talk to them behind your back, then he can't talk to you about how so and so is doing or what they talked about because you'll be mad. Instead of feeling he can openly communicate with you, he will have to be guarded.
anothet thing u should know is he tells me he wouldnt like me talking to other guys in the phone either and going out and making new guy friends and giving them my number its not appropiate and he would not like that also ! its kinda confusing to me
so i have to be okay with him talking to other woman and texting them and going out with them and so on and on ? how much of this is healthy and how much is not ? cuz now im lost
u do have some really good points there and i agree with u somehow , i guess the flirting part agonizes me to an extend .. i belive the same way my guys friends should respect him his females friends should respect me buy not making those kinds of comments ! i wanna know how many other females agree to what uve had said or its just me who is paranoid lol ! do you believe in provacy during a relationship what i meant by that is .. never checking a persons phone or their email or facebook and so on ? would u feel if the person has nothing to hide it would not be a problem ? and if i do wanna try and do just what u said , how can i aproach him and tell him that " hey u know what maybe i was paranoid about it but i trust u and im confident enough that u love me too" type of thing ? but something i definetly dont agree is going out with his females friends alone and pls tell me u do agree to this ?!? anyway let me know what u think
u do have some really good points there and i agree with u somehow , i guess the flirting part agonizes me to an extend .. i belive the same way my guys friends should respect him his females friends should respect me buy not making those kinds of comments ! i wanna know how many other females agree to what uve had said or its just me who is paranoid lol ! do you believe in provacy during a relationship what i meant by that is .. never checking a persons phone or their email or facebook and so on ? would u feel if the person has nothing to hide it would not be a problem ? and if i do wanna try and do just what u said , how can i aproach him and tell him that " hey u know what maybe i was paranoid about it but i trust u and im confident enough that u love me too" type of thing ? but something i definetly dont agree is going out with his females friends alone and pls tell me u do agree to this ?!? anyway let me know what u think
If i saw a message on facebook , that said, "I still love you my friend," I would assume that it was not meant in a sexual way, but in a healthy way. We do love our friends , don't we? Young people leave home and the healthy ones make extended family for themselves, with many brothers and sisters among them that they "love". Females are more likely to say things like "I still love you my friend" to let people know that their friendship matters to them still. The fact that your husband has many friends, to me, shows that he's a mentally healthy person. I think your expectation of your husband not talk to women behind your back, in outrageous, and will end up alienating an otherwise smitten suitor. He cares and loves you, but why should your insecurities block him from having a healthy fulfilled life with freinds of both sexes? It just so happens that half of us are females. Please consider that you are insecure for your own reasons. I know that if my son was told by a new lover that he'd better not talk to his university friends "behind" his lover's back, would be the biggest red flag going. I don't know if something happened to you with other male(s) that would make you so scared of losing a man that you would think it would be okay to limit their conversations to same sex conversations only? Don't you think that's regressing women's and men's roles? A healthy women would not ever consider it an option to stop a man from his friendships. If the guys an oaf and would cheat, let him go. Otherwise, just enjoy what you have. Live and let live. Frankly, it sounds like you're verging on abuse, telling him that he's not allowed to talk to women without you bieng there? What about women at work? that he likes as a friend? and maybe would like for you and him and her and her husband to go out golfing? What about his friends that are girls, wanting to get to know you, instead of being told that "I'm not allowed to talk to you without my girlfriend present?" Is that the type of relationship that you want? reallly?
Think about this my dear child. I think you've been hurt, with family or with men, but healthy individuals , especially if they've met and gone through university together, or had hobbies etc. together DO have a relationship with your husband (if he's healthy).; My advice to you is to embrace his freinds, and become one of them. Be freinds with his friends. Don't be that girl , who is so insecure so and so can't function in the group anymore. How sad that would be. This is an opportunity for you to embrace his circle of friends. I think you should ask yourself why you don't want to ~ the more the merrier. If you're a good healthy, women, and a good mother, why would you need to isolate, him or your self?
Think about this my dear child. I think you've been hurt, with family or with men, but healthy individuals , especially if they've met and gone through university together, or had hobbies etc. together DO have a relationship with your husband (if he's healthy).; My advice to you is to embrace his freinds, and become one of them. Be freinds with his friends. Don't be that girl , who is so insecure so and so can't function in the group anymore. How sad that would be. This is an opportunity for you to embrace his circle of friends. I think you should ask yourself why you don't want to ~ the more the merrier. If you're a good healthy, women, and a good mother, why would you need to isolate, him or your self?
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, it's a start. At least he says he's got a girlfriend and that she has no chance because maybe you two will meet one day. It is better than nothing!
well he did send her a msg saying .. hey my girlfriend dont think its cool to send those types of msg .. hope u can meet her one day ! that was about it .. i was kinda upset cuz i wished he would have said something else
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there. Well, if she is sending messages like "I still love you", that shouldn't be confusing to him. That's not being friends with someone.
No, I wouldn't send her a message. That ups the drama. I'd ask him to cease contact with her and perhaps even blocking her after sending a message that says that I love my girlfriend. We're happy and you need to leave us alone. Let him let you see him send it.
Since you just had a baby, I'm glad that he is going to stick by you on this. I'd expect that. I'm glad you made up and are able to talk.
But I'd have him cease all communication with this woman. good luck
No, I wouldn't send her a message. That ups the drama. I'd ask him to cease contact with her and perhaps even blocking her after sending a message that says that I love my girlfriend. We're happy and you need to leave us alone. Let him let you see him send it.
Since you just had a baby, I'm glad that he is going to stick by you on this. I'd expect that. I'm glad you made up and are able to talk.
But I'd have him cease all communication with this woman. good luck
should i go ahead and send her a message saying what she did was not okay cuz she knows we r together and just had a baby .. or just leave it alone ?
yes it was a private message and yes i did go into his facebook .. lets say i do have some trust issues ! i did talked to him about it and he told me its nothing like that , he knows her since 2000 and nothing ever happen between them ! but anyways i went ahead and brokeup with him do to so many lil things plus that .. so last nigh after he came home i found him crying in our patio .. so i went there and asked if everything was ok and why was ge crying , so he told me he doesnt wanna loose me and that he wants ti be with me forever and that he was scared of loosing me over foolishness ! so we did talk for a while and made up after i told him that talking to woman behind my back is unacceptable and that i would not tolerate that , but he made a comment saying he feels like in a bubble where he cant even talk with his females friends ... so i dont know when too much is to much or when its my jealousy playing a part of this ! i dont wanna be without him , as woman we do know they can be quite bitche s if they wanna split someone up . how to react when his females friends do contact him ? ughh its so frustating to me ..
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there and welcome. it totally could be innocent so don't jump to conclusions just yet. Better to open up a dialogue about it. The thing about facebook is that it is public. surely this woman would know that. Was this a private message of on his page?
You need to get to the bottom of this and fast
Well it appears your a bit suspious by checking his F/B and now i can see why.
I agree with Tink. It would be important to get more info. The way she said it could be interpreted many different ways.
Are there trust issues in the relationship? Were you looking through his FB or did she post that publically on his wall?
Are there trust issues in the relationship? Were you looking through his FB or did she post that publically on his wall?
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