Is my boyfriend a loser?

[WaterLolita]

To start out, I will say I'm 18 years old...turning 19 pretty soon. My boyfriend is 25. He flunked out of college, was evicted from his apartment, and moved in with his grandmother about two years ago. He was hired at pizza hut and is now an assistant general manager. He's still working his way up within the company and trying to save money to get back on his feet and avoid repeating the past. When he was a teenager, he moved in with a very wealthy family (he came from a troubled past) and had every opportunity in the world. His "brothers" (from the family) have gone on to get master's degrees, and he works at pizza hut and lives with his Grandmother. I don't know. I don't need to hear that I am a judgmental ***, I'm just curious about everyone else's opinion on the matter. I sometimes feel like he's with me because the wealthy girls his age that he associates with would not give him the time of day, being that he is employed at pizza hut and lives with his grandmother.  

[thatquietgirl]

Coming from the viewpoint of someone who is 25.  Sometimes things just don't go as planned.  In today's day and age, people are living at home longer and longer because it is getting harder and harder to find a job that will take you without experience--meaning even that college degree isn't much of a help.  Even retail is pickier than ever before.

I myself am still in college and pushing forward toward a nursing career.  I'm hoping to get into a program soon now that after some health-related set-backs, I've been able to complete my pre-reqs and transfer requirements.  Just because I'm living at home and still need my parents' assistance because I live in the highest unemployment area in CA and can't find a job despite having an EMT license and applying to several types of jobs even outside of that does not mean I'm a loser.  So, I would tend to think the same of your boyfriend.  He's trying despite setbacks.

I'd say your boyfriend's position perhaps is not ideal, but this economy has not gotten all that much better as the media would like us all to believe.  The fact he has a job and is keeping it and working up in the company is a MAJOR thing these days.  As Chima pointed out, sometimes people aren't cut out for college or corporate jobs.  It could also be a set-back.  He might be discouraged and need some time to figure out what he wants to do in life and may go back to college.

However, as far as forging ahead in a relationship with him?  That's going to be your decision.  I don't know your boyfriend, so I don't know if he has any ambition outside of working his way up through the Pizza Hut chain of command.  If he has none, I would probably consider moving on as that's going to be tough to make it on.  If he does have ambition and recognizes this as a temporary thing to figure out what he wants to do with his life, I'd consider staying but set a timeline for myself (without telling him) that I would leave after not seeing any progress from him toward doing something with his life or forming serious plans.  It's hard to make it on two incomes these days, let alone one, if you plan to have a family.

Weigh out what you're looking for in a relationship and what you're willing to put up with but also consider the economy where you live with and his ambitions as you've known them to be throughout the relationship.  If it seems like these ambitions were lip service and perhaps he went to college to make others happy, flunked out, then just gave up for good, then perhaps that's a deal breaker.  Perhaps it's not.  It is completely up to you.  But no, I would not call him a loser just because he flunked out of college and is working for a food chain.

[specialmom]

Yep, he sounds like he isn't doing much with his life to me.  I like an ambitious man who bends over backwards to get ahead.  He blew it in college.  People do that, of course.  But if he had potential to get a degree and start a strong career, it is sad when that happens.

I'm glad he is at least working.  No, he will never be a rich man working as a manager at Pizza Hut.  Will he ever be able to live comfortably, I don't know.  He currently lives with his grandmother which means he isn't independent.  By the time I was 25, I'd bought my first house all on my own.  At the very least, I expect someone to have their own apartment and be financially independent by 25.  

When looking for someone for the future, the above poster is correct.  You have to think about what you want in life.  I wanted someone ambitious that was career oriented.  I didn't date anyone that wasn't. I couldn't picture myself with someone that just got by, needed other family members to live (as in house us), etc.  I had my bar of what I'd accept.

You have to figure out what your bar is.  It is not judgmental to say that someone doesn't match your idea of financial lifestyle, ambition, career path.  It's reality of why you would or wouldn't be a good long term match with someone.  

good luck

[Chima7]

The fact that he is working and still has the drive to move up at his job means that he is not a loser. If he was 25 living in his grandmas basement playing video games all day and not working at all then yes that is a loser. But he IS working and he seems to be doing a pretty good job.

Not everyone is cut out for higher education and high paying corporate jobs. Not everyone aspires to that for their life. It's a high stress demanding job with a lot of responsibility. The higher up you go in a corporate environment the more you're scrutinized and made to feel like you're a failure if you're not working 12 hour days. Maybe your bf doesn't want that kind of life. Not everyone finds that kind of career to be worth it.

I think that if you're not happy with what he has chosen to do with his life then perhaps you're not compatible and you shouldn't be together. You have your preferences and it doesn't sound like he fits the profile of what you're looking for so it may not be worth it to you to stay. He most likely will never be a take charge go getter on the fast track to big money. And that's ok because he is fine with it. If you're not ok with that then you should probably look for someone who has a masters degree and is making a lot of $$$.