Is my girlfriend cheating?

[JustWorried1]

I'm up for the 4th straight night because I'm so worried the what I thought "love of my life" might be cheating on me or at least talking to another guy. I've been with my girlfriend for about 10 months now and she is by far the most compatible person I've ever been with and we have been so in love. My family has never approved of her because she has a child...that has been a bit of a problem with us. We used to have sex at least 3-4 times a week. It's down to maybe once to max 2 times a week over the past month. She is very depressed lately because she is upset about her life and is upset about my family not approving of her. She just got a new job at a gym where there are of course a lot of guys...we're past the "new" part of a relationship so I'm wondering if she's getting bored or what. I don't get it though...because she is always telling people how much she loves being with me...but the other day she started crying to me saying that she wasn't sure about what would happen with us because my family doesn't approve of her. She calls me less...what she failed to realize is that her cell number is on my account so I see everything. She called a guy the other night at about 10:30...I know it's a guy because I called the number...this is the first time she has called this guy at the call lasted over an hour! She also text messaged the guy. While she was sleeping the other night I grabbed her phone and noticed that she erased only those messages to him. I didn't tell her I checked her phone but told her that I'm very concerned and that I love her so much. I asked her 3 different times if she is seeing someone else or if she is considering it or at least talking to another guy. She said no at first but when I kept probing she seemed a little more adomate about not seeing another guy...I haven't called her out about this phone call to this guy and the text messages because I don't want her to think I'm going through her phone and I don't know how to tell her. Her phone records show she last talked to him on Tuesday and her records don't show that she has talked to him since. I know she is mentally unstable right now because she is depressed and I don't want here to do anything that will hurt. I have battled my family for her because I'm convinced she is the love of my life and I want to live the rest of my life with her. She told me the same thing but I really don't know what to believe anymore. She told me today she wants no other guy, she's not talking to any other guys and that she wants to spend the rest of her life with me...and that I'm not at all the source of her depression and that it's her messed up life right now. I don't know what to believe anymore...I just want her to be the same loving girlfriend who used to pour her heart out to me. I'm so confused. I don't know if this is because I cheated on my ex girlfriend and I'm assuming it should happen to me or if this is real.

So, is she cheating on me? Is she using the excuse of my family to make up for something she is doing? Do I call her out on it? Should I tell her that I know about the call and the text messages?

I'm sick of staying up crying about this and I'm hurt...whether or not she's actually cheating...I don't know...but I think it hurts more knowing that she is looking elsewhere for support or whatever it is she is looking for. It hurts that I've gone to bat against my own family for her and that she is doing this to me.

I'm hoping someone can help.

Thanks - alone

[JustWorried1]

Well,

Talk about your basic momentum killer. I was convinced that she didn't do anything and that this truly is just a friend because she and her family really do have a lot of family friends like this...in fact, she thinks I even met him at one point and asked me if I wanted to meet him again...but now you've got me thinkin she did/is doing something again...she said it herself laughing "when would I have the time to cheat on you" - and she even went as far to say that if she were which she never in her life would cheat on me...she wouldn't make calls using a phone on my account...i don't know what to believe now. I'm sorry you cheated/were cheated on but it doesn't necessarily mean that is what's going on here. I think you need to be a little more considerate with your words/opinions before jumping to conclusions...kind of like I did.

[map81]

I still think she cheated and/or is cheating on you.  In my last relationship, I acted the same way (distant, had new guy "friend" at work that I would hang out with) and when my boyfriend confronted me, I lied because I was afraid of losing him.  We were hugely co-dependent on each other!  I've also been cheated on and I can tell you that most of the time, when you suspect something is wrong or "off," something definitely is.  There is no reasonable explanation for why she would have to erase text messages to a guy unless she was hiding something.  And to all of a sudden have this new family "friend" that you've never heard of before?  Come on.  "Family friends" don't call you at all hours of the night.  She's probably afraid of losing you because she has a kid and so she's lining up this other guy to take your place.  Once she's sure he'll be there for her, then she'll drop the bombshell.

Sorry to be so blunt, but I'm pretty sure that's how the script goes...  Good luck!

[slow_healer]

I'm not sure if you want my opinion, but I still think your paranoia played a *huge* role in this "crisis". You've gone from crying about how she MUST be cheating on you, to laughing about really how random the phone call was. You jumped to a very serious conclusion based on very little information. You never once talked about how it could have very realistically be a friend or relative - you assumed straight away that it was her other lover. I'm not saying you're a terrible guy, but please recognize how much you blew this one phone call out of proportion. One day a terrible assumption like the one you made in this case could backfire and mark the end of your relationship. It's happens in relationships, it's tragic, and it's best described as self-sabatoging. Best of luck... and hope that your relationship never has to go through a real test.

[JustWorried1]

I'm an idiot...I don't know why the hell I wrote Eric...I was multitasking at the time...Here is exactly what she said. I told her I was upset because I saw the call on her bill and she said - "yeah I was talking to my friend Mike. (laughing) He is a dorky family friend of ours and I haven't talked to him forever. I just found out he might be losing his job because my dad told me he talked to him about it a few months ago. He didn't get off until late because he works at a supermarket and he called me when he got off. We talked about him and what happened and his kids and what's been going on with me and we even talked about you! Do you want to meet him? I can introduce you to him...he's really just a friend" - she said there was no way she'd ever do anything with him...she said it would be so weird and she would never do anything to hurt me. She also asked why I didn't just say anything right away and that she felt sad and upset for me. I think I goofed on this one. She hasn't even talked to him since and she looked at me straight in the eyes and didn't even skip a beat about what she was doing. She said the reason she wasn't around me as much while she was depressed was because she knew she'd take it out on me and be pissed off around me...and she didn't want to tell me she wanted to be alone because then I would think that she didn't want to be around me and that it was me. So, yeah l think I goofed here...I honestly don't think she did anything or has plans to do anything. She's back to being so happy with me. I told her that we need to communicate better and if anything is ever wrong we go to each other first no matter what. She laughed about it again and gave me her sad look and smiled saying "I love you so much babe, you're so cute" - What do you all think???

[Glo_worm]

i'm sorry i really don't mean to come across as a b**** really i don't and if like girliegirl said you feel comforable and at ease with her response then i also wish you the best of luck.

[girliegrl1723]

i agree with glo_worm...something still doesn't sound right. but, if you talked to her and you feel reassured than i wish you luck. just keep your eyes open, usually your first instinct is the one to follow.