Is she pregnanat? or not?

[Dstone1]

Hello all...i'm really really worried here.
Just yesterday I got this text from a girl who is saying she is two months late. understandably i am freaking out. I am NOT ready for a kid and neither is she. We had sex twice now and i've used a condom every time (some nights we did it twice but always protected with a new condom each and every time). I thought i was safe. It appeared that none of them broke I only ejaculated once in her and when I threw the condom out it did not appear to be broken and appeared to be containing sperm.

The weird thing is is that shes saying its totally not my problem and is "2 months late" but hasn't even bothered to get the test done yet.also, when she suggested that the condom may have broken i acknowledged that might be true, and also told her that it looked like it didn't break, but she immediately came back with some "micro hole" story or suggested the whole Pre *** story and how a "tiny amout of semen might have been in there" (even though I have never penetrated her without a condom on).  I just find it highly unlikely that shes pregnant. And I dont really know what to believe.

Another weird thing is that she had sex with me after her first missed period (our sex was far enough apart so its doubtful she hadnt noticed her lateness before our second time...we first had sex on feb.20th) ...who does that? she also told me shes had 8 partners before but now tells me "im the only guy in 6 months and the last one in two"

This girl used to be very caught up with me...she would text me every day all day and had slowed down recently, until last night when she out of the blue told me she was 2 months late. is she doing this to get my attention/affection?

-whats your take on this? Is she late due to some weird reason and overreacting?

-is she really pregnant? she is saying that if she is pregnant that "it will be taken care of" (i assume she will not have it)  

-why did she not get tested when she first missed? why did she have sex again when she knew she was late? (assuming her story is true)

-what do i do? I definitely need to tell her im not ready for this baby. I cant be a father right now. i'm monetarily unable and not emotionally ready. I feel like an ******* second guessing her like this. but this all seems a lil fishy to me...especially when she lives an hour away and i have not seen her since.

[Judy246]

Calm down! The only way she will know if she is pregnant is by purchasing a pregnancy test or going to a gynecologist to be tested. If she states she is pregnant then unprotected sex happened and when unprotected sex happens the possiblity of pregnancy is great!  If she is pregnant and decides to have this innocent baby, the best way to determine if you have fathered this child is to have a DNA test taken of both you and the baby immediately after birth.

It is irresponsible to practice unsafe sex with the possibility of pregnancy then an innocent baby has to pay the consequences of parents who are neither ready or financially stable to care for the responsibility, so let this be a lesson to both of how easily a your life can change in a moment of carelessness. All you can do is wait and then you both can discuss calmly the next step. Good luck.

[Dstone1]

thanks. I did practice safe sex though. Ive worn a condom every time. Im still hoping for the best though

[penswriter]

it is possible for a small hole or if you continued after ejaculating semen spilling from the top. condoms are NOT 100% effective. I believe they're only 85-95% effective.

like judy said the ONLY way she's going to know for sure if she's pregnant is to test or get a blood test. there are other reasons a period can be late...such as medical reason which if it's that...she needs to see an ob.

good luck.

[specialmom]

Well, I think her story sounds fishy.   With a condom, it is possible to become pregnant but not a huge chance. So the odds are in your favor.  You sound like you tried to be responsible.  

A home pregnancy test is inexpensive and very reliable.  I'd show up at her place with one and ask her to take it right then.  Something does not sound right with her story.  Good luck

[PJ466]

I agree with specialmom buy a test and go to her. Good luck

[mamabalas]

I agree with specialmom. Very good idea.  It does sound like you are trying to be responsible, and no you are not a jerk for second guessing her.  You aren't ready, and this is very scary.  Go see her with a test in hand.  

[Dstone1]

Ok ill try to find a way down there...(this is one of those times i wish i had brought my car to college) Right now shes down in Indiana camping for her spring break (she seems really worried about this...right!). but when she comes back she says shes going to get the test done and i asked her to tell me the results. If i can find a way to get there i will.

I know this one is the oldest trick in the book so i don't wanna be a sucker. but i also want to do the right thing if shes pregnant. and assuming shes not having the baby by her saying "it will be taken care of" i know it will be scary so somebody will need to be there and i hope i find a way that it can be me.

[teko]

She is feeding you a line. With so many previous partners, even if she is, how would you know whos it is? Time for a test. Sounds like your being played. I hope not! And let this be a lesson to you, you cannot rely on any form of birth control 100%. You might want to abstain from taking the risk if you are not in love and especially if your not ready to be a father. If you choose not to listen to that advice, get a piggy bank and start cramming every available dollar into it.

[Dstone1]

Point taken. she told me she "didnt have sex for 6 months before me" and im "the only guy for 2 months" but I don't know what to believe....either she exaggerated her number or is telling me i'm the only guy recently for some other motive  

but I know for sure I'm done having sex with a girl until it gets really serious. and i know that shes on the BC

[penswriter]

hun, i hate to tell you this but b/c fails. my brother (who just turned 21) learned the hard way when he got his 17 yr old g/f (he was 20 at the time she got pregnant) pregnant and she was on b/c. in fact HE is a b/c baby.

you're just going to have to wait for the test. if it's positive (which if i were you i'd ask to be there with her when she takes it or with her when she goes for the blood test) demand a paternity test.  no matter what she says...ask for that paternity test! DO NOT take her word for it.

[Judy246]

There is no reason (unless finanially) for her not to take a pregnancy test immediately. I don't understand why you have to wait until she come back? Also, she seemed to have a permiscious past, so another concern should be STD's and HIV.  As I said in my first message, if she is pregnant and decides to keep the innocent child then a DNA is to be taken to confirm paternity. Also, the reality of a late menstral period is also possible. Don't get yourself work up over this girl and as teko said, "how would you know"...you can't until the DNA is taken, but worry about that hurtle when it gets here. One day at a time. Judy

[Dstone1]

I know that's whats getting me. why hasn't she gotten tested? she went camping in the woods for spring break for a whole week rather than getting herself tested...Im really hoping shes just late. I don't see why she waited a whole month to tell me she was late. Shes been writing on her friends facebook wall how great it will be to go out and party this weekend too...she needs to get her priorities in order and not leave me hanging!  this is her being possibly pregnant for heavens sake...and here i sit freaking out while shes out having fun and not caring.

[Judy246]

Next time you speak with her, ask her straight out, "what did the pregnancy test confirm", if she doesn't answer then I would be weary of her claim or ask her if she has the money to purchase one. Don't doubt that she could just be late. There is no such thing as getting a period on the same day of the month, because the date in months change, changing the next date for a period. Also, if she seems to be having fun and not worring of a potential pregnancy, that's another red flag that she might not be. Tell her pregnancy test NOW or life will go on as usual. I think you are going to be just fine!

[nellee]

i  think she is totally faking or she would be way more concerned call he out put her on the spot and make sure that you are there when she takes the test or she will just lie to you again maybe shes playing a cruel april fools joke but if she is pregnant is more than likely in my opinion not yours good luck

[mamabalas]

I would get as far away as possible from this woman once you prove she is not pregnant, which I am convinced she isn't.  Take a test, make her take it.  When it comes out negative tell her to lose your number, you don't have time for children...especially dating one.  Then do the same.  You need someone who isn't so irresponsible, immature and seemingly manipulative.  Good luck to you.

[Dstone1]

thanks all I will throw it in the pot that she says shes not just one period late but "two months late". she told me that she's "freaked out but not worried"

Maybe shes just trying to play business as usual so nobody finds out but shes telling her friend: "im going to be back friday and we have to hang out"

and her friend said:
"sounds like a plan!!"

and her reply was: "Yay!! (: ok. And then courts bday party sunday at hotel...then continue til monday(: what an eventful weekend. Lol."

I mean AHHH!. if you think you're preggo you need to do something about it and stop partying till its taken care of. I've been a nervous wreck all this time and the only thing you want to do is party with you're two friends. Its just that even if she is pregnant shes not acting responsibly.

[Dstone1]

I mean I just ant see why she would lie to me about this though...it seems so out there that she would do that...how common is this for a woman to lie about such a thing?

I guess I'll act like shes pregnant till proven not to be. and go from there.

[penswriter]

some women are crazy. if you start to doubt the pregnancy....don't be surprised if she "has a miscarriage". i have a male friend who's psychotic ex g/f did that to him. he dumped and she miraculously ends up pregnant. when he said prove it. test in front of me or go get a blood test she "had a miscarriage". (yet she couldn't show him ANY paperwork from the hospital.)

until you get that proof stay far away from her. and if it turns out she is pregnant get that paternity test!

[Dstone1]

I guess I should talk to her soon and shes whats going on...she hasnt contacted me in a few days

[Dstone1]

Now i'm really freaking out. I talked to her and she still hasn't taken the test but by the sound of it she's seriously considering keeping it if she is pregnant!!! im turning 19 next month and she's 18 this is basically the worst possible thing that could happen to me right now. I cant take care of this kid and neither can she but she seems to have some crazy idea that she can. I told her how i felt and said that I think having a kid this young in our lives would be a bad idea. and now shes telling me that it's none of my decision!!! somebody help me!

[penswriter]

are you suggesting an abortion to her? or adoption? try to stress how putting the child up for adoption would be best. let her know that being so young and not financially stable or in a stable relationship isn't good for a baby and that there are tons of couples who would love to adopt that can provide the loving and stable environment the child needs.

[specialmom]

You don't even know if she is pregnant yet.  Don't get ahead of yourself.  I doubt she is!

[Dstone1]

well I was suggesting an abortion yes. I mean adoption is a good middle ground. but it does involve her carrying it to term. but you're right we may be jumping the gun here.  

[specialmom]

Yes.  A woman that thinks she is pregnant is not usually out planning her next party adventure.  Even if she is an immature 18 year old.  I suspect she is messing with you and not pregnant at all.  At your first opportunity, go buy a home test at the local drug or grocery store and go see her.  Make her take it right then and there.  I'm guessing you are worrying for nothing.  (and I hope so!)