Aa
It's true what they say ..
It really is true when people say it's harder to leave a relationship once u have kids I feel if I was weak before to do so now I'm even weaker ... I just can't get over the past I should of left long time ago when I knew I was never going to get over it even tho I tell him I'm leaving I'm lying I'm not going nowhere
I agree that you need to talk to a therapist about this, and that if you don't you may forever regret not doing so. Plus your daughter will one day ask you why you didn't seek a therapist before breaking apart the family. It just makes sense that you do this for you (and the family). Best wishes and Happy Holidays.
You can not force what is not there. Once u lose trust for someone its over. I am unsure how u should handle ur relationship but I know that u have your own self seeking to do. If ur unhappy than why stick around. If u made up ur mind than why stick around. Staying in an unhappy relationship makes people bitter and angry. I would seek help before splitting up your family. In regards to the marriage part you have already accept this relationship without the marriage so its no need to go back and forward about that. You have a child with him so either ur gonna stay and plan your future of with this person (meaning get married) or your gonna leave. Its ur choice.
Yeah that's what he tells me that he's with me and not them and that me and our daughter are everything to him but I just feel like no matter what he tells me I feel like he's still talking to girls or does something shady behind my back like my gut feeling just feels like that I hope it's me just being crazy
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there. Ahh, I'm really sorry you are feeling like this. I do agree that children make it harder to leave, and they should. :>) We need to do our very best at making our relationship work once we have kids with someone.
The jealousy sounds like it hurts you deep. Remember that this is about your feelings often, it sounds like, verses what he is doing. I'm sure he would have left you if he wanted to but hasn't. He's WITH you. You have to let your insecurities go. His looking at women or having pretty women around, etc. should not rattle you. You have to believe in the fact that he chose you. And you chose him. Try to let that go. And same for him.
Do things that build on the relationship, plan dates, say nice things to him, leave little notes, etc. I swear, this adds to the relationship and he will probably return it and things will move forward.
But don't threaten to leave. That eats away at a relationship. Don't ever threaten something you won't do.
Therapy IS always good whether on your own or with him. All the best hon. We're here to help if we can.
The jealousy sounds like it hurts you deep. Remember that this is about your feelings often, it sounds like, verses what he is doing. I'm sure he would have left you if he wanted to but hasn't. He's WITH you. You have to let your insecurities go. His looking at women or having pretty women around, etc. should not rattle you. You have to believe in the fact that he chose you. And you chose him. Try to let that go. And same for him.
Do things that build on the relationship, plan dates, say nice things to him, leave little notes, etc. I swear, this adds to the relationship and he will probably return it and things will move forward.
But don't threaten to leave. That eats away at a relationship. Don't ever threaten something you won't do.
Therapy IS always good whether on your own or with him. All the best hon. We're here to help if we can.
Kind of because I don't trust him n from all the girls he was talking to one of them was considered like a sister to him n she has kids n a husband so I be telling him I can't even trust him around married women with kids bc obviously that doesn't bother him & I use to trust him with my eyes close & we've been together 4 years n idk when he's planning on marrying me either n I know I was wrong for what I said it just came out than I thought about it n also what makes it worst is how jealous n insecure he is too so that makes me feel more like he doing something for accusing me of things I don't do
Patricia, you're thinking about leaving because your boyfriend texted other girls years ago? And now his brother brought some girlfriend to the house and you called her a b*tch just because she was in your house?
I really think you need individual therapy, not couples counseling, and I think you shouldn't leave and be alone with this baby to raise all by yourself.
Here's how you stop doing this behavior - you stop doing it. It's that simple. Just stop saying awful things like that. Plan ahead. When I feel like saying something so awful, instead I'll think about what I should fix for dinner. I'll think about something fun I might want to do today. PLAN what you will think about, when you are tempted to say something awful.
And it will become routine.
But I also think you need to talk to your OB, or a counselor, about possible post partum depression and get yourself back on the right track. Leaving him after you had a baby for texts he wrote years ago doesn't make sense. You're self-destructing.
I really think you need individual therapy, not couples counseling, and I think you shouldn't leave and be alone with this baby to raise all by yourself.
Here's how you stop doing this behavior - you stop doing it. It's that simple. Just stop saying awful things like that. Plan ahead. When I feel like saying something so awful, instead I'll think about what I should fix for dinner. I'll think about something fun I might want to do today. PLAN what you will think about, when you are tempted to say something awful.
And it will become routine.
But I also think you need to talk to your OB, or a counselor, about possible post partum depression and get yourself back on the right track. Leaving him after you had a baby for texts he wrote years ago doesn't make sense. You're self-destructing.
You have been with him for quite some time and have children with him but if he is still your boyfriend and not your husband then theres no real commitment anyway. When people are in love they get married.
You will run him away acting like that. I understand that he messed up we all do but we have to grown and heal from our mistakes. I believe that if you find within yourself that your beautiful mother, strong and amazing you will be able to handle other women. There will always be some other woman that doesn't have what u have and vice versa. Confidence is what men love. You never know the insecurities of a beautiful woman until you have deal with them personally. Try with everything in your being to not compare yourself to another woman. You were beautifully made to be you. Embrace who you are and what you don't like change it by diet and exercise but only change it for yourself and no one else.
It seems like he has grown and made changes, and now it seems like it is your turn. I highly recommend looking into counseling. From what I've read, the problem isn't with him (any more) but rather with your emotions and inability to let go of the past. To really know if this relationship is going to work, you need to be at a mindset of peace. You're a mother, what you do sets the standards for your children and you want to be sure when they ask why that you can answer honestly. I'm not criticising, but really focus on your self healing before making a final decision. Good luck to you and I hope it all ends well for you and your family.
I've never considered it but I know I need it maybe I'll look into that & no he hasn't messed up again but I guess I'm just not over it bc I read the actual messages n it still hurts me what I saw ever since then its somethings that I always have in the back of my head so I be rude to him when I randomly remember n now I feel insecure bc some of the girls were very pretty I was surprised bc he's just an average looking guy I didn't know what kind of girls he could get until than I know I'm not ugly but my body has changed a lot since the baby I'm not fat but my body is just different now and my insecurities got worst when I see a pretty girl walk by a check and see if he's looking and I use to never do that and the other day his brother showed up with a girl at our house and i loudly said tell your brother to not be bringing bitchesss to my house they were gone like 5 min later she was pretty so I got jealous that my bf was going to hang with them ugh I use to never be like that !!! Idk how to stop it
Try before you leave, have u ever decided to go to counseling. Jealousy can follow you to another relationship if u don't get that spirit out of you. If your boyfriend messed up and has since changed from that I think u need healing to forgive him. Other than that incident is there anything else that causes u to want to leave. I don't believe in staying in a dead end relationship either but I do believe in giving it my all before I leave in regret wondering if more could have been done. Good luck to you
Everyone thinks my relationship so perfect everyone says they wish for my relationship with my bf my friends stay saying stuff like my relationship are goals and no one knows what goes on in my home I don't tell no one our business they only know what I let them see and I hate to admit to anyone that at the end of the day I'm not happy I always smile and pretend everything is perfect I'm getting tired of it
Never leave your home for another woman, be patient and try to make your relationship work by forgetting the past.it is very important for your kids to grow up in a family with both parents. No man is perfect, who ever u choose to date incase u leave most have his own problems if not worst than than the previous one. So please think seriously before making any decision.
If you're unhappy then leave! There is nothing worse than staying in a dead end relationship. You will eventually leave, especially if it's been on your mind for awhile. Sometimes we have to mentally leave a relationship before we are physically able to. It's almost like a process or something. Take your time, end it when you know you can make a clean break romantically but still objectively co-parent. Best of luck!!!
And the thing is it's over something that happened years ago I caught him texting girls I know we were younger n didn't have kids at the time n now we are more mature and have a family and I feel dumb breaking my family up over that but bc of that now I'm a jealous gf n I show it and I speak up on how i feel when I'm jealous n I hate feeling that
Leave because you have kids because those kids will learn how to love by how you are loved and how you love in return. Leave because your kids should be in a healthy environment, and the one you are in is not.
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