Aa
Just Not Feeling him
I have lived with my BF for 11 years and we have 2 kids together. But I have realized after truly being honest with myself and acknowledging my feelings that I am no longer in love with him. I love him but I am not in love with him I mean there is no desire or attraction there for me. I feel like we have disconnected. and though I feel bad about it I dont think I should continue to suppress my feelings and stay with him for the kids or just to avoid hurting his feelings. I feel like I just need time to myself at times I feel confused and unsure if this is the right decision. But I also feel like I have wasted so much time especially since we are not married, but then again maybe its good that we never got married since I am feeling this way. Every time we discuss it, he tells me that I am pushing him out of his kids life and that is the last thing I want to do, but its like if we are not together then he cant be in his kids life and that is so far from the truth. I really dont know what to do, because I am really miserable with my relationship. I dont know why I feel this way I just do and he is making me feel really guilty about it. He cant understand that this is hard for me as well because this is not what I intended it just kinda played out this way. I think the relationship has run its course and I would love for us to be friends (but I dont think its possibe on his behalf) since we do have kids together and he is a nice guy there is just no longer any attraction there romantically. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Am I wrong for allowing the relationship to go on for 11 years and 2 kids before I stepped back and analyzed my feelings? He makes it seems like I have been lying to him the entire 11 years and I am pretty sure I was in love with him at one time or maybe I was in love with the idea of being in love. Its possible never the less I feel like I want out or at least a break for me to take the time with myself and sort things out.
Funny because Ashelen said what I said but in a different way. No offense Ashelen because you give great advice just not sure what was different from what I said. Anyway, meekie, you jumped into a relationship that was with a guy who was nice to you and didn't cheat on you. Gee, I'm sorry, I thought that was every woman's dream. But I do understand that you weren't compatible, just a shame you realized that now after 11 years and 2 kids. Like I said before, if you don't feel it than leave.
I am sitting here speechless, I would give my life for my kids even now that they are grown, because that is what a real parent would do. To say you are not willing to sacrifice your happyness for a few years makes my blood boil, you are a selfish twit. I do hope you plan on getting your tubes tied so you don't ruin any more kids lives.
bottom line here is im not happy and I dont know if Im willing to sacrifice my happiness for my kids. I think that I made a mistake and got into this relationship and had kids without really thinking it through or looking at the big picture. I never took the time to think what I really wanted, I was just focused at the time in giving him what he wanted to keep him because I was just happy to have a man that was not abusive or cheating or me. I never took the time to think do u really like this guy what do u have in common what do you want in the future. None of those questions ever crossed my mind and I was in a different state of mind then. I had low self esteem and in love with someone else. But I thought I would give it a try because he was different and what we had most in common to be honest was smoking pot (I hate to admit). That still is the most we have in common to this day but I guess I have made my bed hard so I now have to lay in it hard as well.
no, I don't think so because being nice and loving is always a good thing to do and you may just find out you do still love him.
Ashelen, this has been the best advice yet. I have a question though , how can I get my head right when its constant arguing or drama? When and where do I take the time to get my head right?
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