Aa
Left husband because of bathroom
I was married for 25 years. My husband makes a very good living but he is also very tight with the money. I have always been supportive of his saving for our retirement but I took a stand when he refused to build a second bathroom on our one bathroom house. We only have one small one now and often I'll be in the shower while one of my two sons are using the toilet. I have begged him for a second bath but he refuses. Am I wrong to leave because of this? I feel he does not respect me at all. It is so little to ask.
First of all this is absurd, I am not sure I understand the mindset of 25 years miserable, yet I am going to fix everything with an ultimatum. That almost never works, when put in to context maybe going for counseling first would heve been more helpful FIRST before throwing everything (except the money of course) away?
For once I would like to hear someone say that they made a decision like this BEFORE they almost finished there degree, inherited money, got there new job etc.
Maybe I am so very cynical. At least no one has said ...and I met this guy... @ (insert workplace or school etc.).
Seriously you spent 25 years enduring but not apparently at some time trying to get you and your husband to fix your relationship. Is it possible your going about this the wrong way?
And really before you take advise from anonymous people that are telling you what you want to hear read theiir posts and piece togeter how well what they are saying has worke for them. If you have the means go to a psychologist who counsels couples. For all you know the person you agree with most here could be a divorcee married 5 times with a crack habit who cleans toilets at night at walmart!
For once I would like to hear someone say that they made a decision like this BEFORE they almost finished there degree, inherited money, got there new job etc.
Maybe I am so very cynical. At least no one has said ...and I met this guy... @ (insert workplace or school etc.).
Seriously you spent 25 years enduring but not apparently at some time trying to get you and your husband to fix your relationship. Is it possible your going about this the wrong way?
And really before you take advise from anonymous people that are telling you what you want to hear read theiir posts and piece togeter how well what they are saying has worke for them. If you have the means go to a psychologist who counsels couples. For all you know the person you agree with most here could be a divorcee married 5 times with a crack habit who cleans toilets at night at walmart!
I would have left him too. That's ridiculous to be taking a shower and one of your sons is using the bathroom. Too close for comfort IMO.
I appreciate your comments. It is so good to get at the root of this. I was wondering what kind of control issues you may have had. I really want to be educated on this. Real people and real problems are always the best for me. I also wanted to know how your wife reacted to theses issues with. I do feel your comments have been very worthwhile and insightful for me at this point. I will see a therapist as advised. I had already thought down that road myself.
Yes, this is about control and your life dreams that didnt materialize, not about the things that you want and dont have. My wife and I just went thru this. Apparently I am (or was) too controlling.
Its too bad that counseling didnt work. Although if he was willing to accept the cost of that, perhaps he would agree to cover the cost of you seeing a psych. by yourself. Or you just do it for as long as you can without him knowing (although I think that is a bad idea - it would be worse to get a divorce). It is hard for me to imagine that you would just up and leave after 25 years over the want for a new bathroom.
Good luck.
Its too bad that counseling didnt work. Although if he was willing to accept the cost of that, perhaps he would agree to cover the cost of you seeing a psych. by yourself. Or you just do it for as long as you can without him knowing (although I think that is a bad idea - it would be worse to get a divorce). It is hard for me to imagine that you would just up and leave after 25 years over the want for a new bathroom.
Good luck.
If you have had access to the bank account you could have had the BR built, you need to try and be more assertive, and do not let someone push you around, an example you asked for the coffee, he said no. you should have said pull over and i will get it myself because i want it, do not let no one walk all over you, and if you love him you should have stayed and just wrote checks for what you wanted, and quit being so submiissive If you love him try again but tell him things are going to be a little different, he may like the new you, and just bossed you around, because he knew he could 25 year is a long time. luck jo
I don't blame you. If you said you are struggling to get by, that's one thing. There is more than enough money to make everyone more comfortable, and a second bathroom would greatly improve the resale value of the home. It's an investment AND a comfort, and one he can easily afford.
This is a total control issue on the part of your husband - and it leaks into all facets of the relationship.
This is a total control issue on the part of your husband - and it leaks into all facets of the relationship.
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