Yes, that is a woeful tale for sure! Sorry it is so hard. First, I'm not sure we can really apply the term relationship to what you two have going. You might be together but your paragraph about not caring what the other says/does, etc. really tells that being together is about all there is. The name calling, bad mix of you two helps no one.
I try to understand the financial issues that seem to be the ONLY glue. That has to be undone. Seriously, this should be very motivating for getting a good plan together for yourself. Forget his plan and what he needs. Really, now it is about you. You two never should have ended up together and now you have to save yourself. You aren't working. Okay. I'm sure there is a reason but you have to make that a temporary set back. I'd personally rather live with my parents, a sibling, a grandparent, a best friend or go on Craigs list and find a cheap room than be locked in an abusive circle with someone I'm dependent on in a very unhealthy way. You will not be able to overcome this, have solid self esteem, or get your life on track until you take the step to NOT live with him. Trapped wives feel terrible. Feel like they have no options. Until the day they open the lock to their new life away from the relationship they want out of. Nothing is impossible and you maybe can't leave today, but like, get the plan together to get out as soon as you can. Give a deadline. (2 months max).
Forget loving someone new. Your priority needs to be to understand HOW you got stuck in this situation. Work on YOU. Get a career going. Get your friendship (no friends with benefits) strong. Be YOUR best self. A relationship down the road may happen but when you are in your position, it's always going to have three legs ready to fall over at any time.
You are clearly very smart, articulate and a good thinker. I can tell. I believe in you.
Honey, feeling lonely with a partner is not good. If you are alone and carving out a new life, you will feel less lonely than in a loveless relationship.
Down the road, you can try match websites which hey, just met a couple that met there and dated a year and are now getting married, have neighbors three doors down that met on a site like that, have plenty of acquaintances that have met that way. But you are far from ready for that. Hopping from one situation to the next puts you back where you started most of the time.
I know I threw a lot out at you. I hope not too much and I hope you take it the way I intend it. You do sound very sad and I'm so sorry!!! Let me know what you think of what I've written. I'm just a stranger with an opinion, so keep that in mind. :>) hugs
There really are lots of programs that help. Medical care through assistance is probably better than mine. lol Mental health care can mean lots of things. Not sure what you've tried but the latest trend is adjunctive treatment, meaning one drug with add ons to get additional affect. Medication can take 6 to 8 weeks to work. When you have panic and anxiety, sometimes it is hard to get through that initial start up phase and true trials of medications don't happen. Not sure if that is you but that really is common. But other things that DO help with anxiety/panic are breathing exercises, regular exercise, meditation, CBT therapy, and more. Getting your license to drive would be of great help to you or get yourself planted on a bus line or close by. You have to have transportation. That's pretty necessary these days. Driving school does cost money but if you save for this and force yourself to do it, this would benefit you very much. I understand that then this means studying or the exam, making yourself take it and then saving for a car, gas and insurance. If your family would help you out, that would be so fantastic. But don't know your situation. And honey, think about doing it all in STEPS. It probably seems overwhelming. But if you just take steps, no matter how small, on a regular basis toward the goal---- you will get there eventually.
You have disability to check on and you have regular assistance you can check on. If you don't work, have no income are below the poverty line--- this could help you get on your feet. I don't mention this lightly as I'd never want that to be your long term situation. But if it helps you get the plan going, it's a great option for you.
I'd make a list of any kind of job you would consider taking. Medical transcription can be done at home, for example. Training costs money and you have to research and ONLY take the required coursework from a reputable place that has records of people getting employment upon completion of their program. But there are lots of different fields. Clearly you ARE smart. I can tell. you speak very well, write very well.
Maybe think about what a plan could be for these things only? But working toward getting out of this living situation, that's essential. Hey, also, walk. Go walk around where you live and practice talking to others. It will make you feel less isolated. And if you can find a church (whether religious or not) and start going-- they often have lots of help they offer their community. Non denominational churches are often big and welcoming.
Anyway, remember, SMALL steps. You will get there sweetie. hugs
Hi there, thanks for posting. I'd love to stay in touch with you A AND YES CONNECT WITH YOU WHILE YOU GET THROUGH THIS UNACCEPTABLE SITUATION . Sounds like it's time to CRAW A LINE IN THE SAND AND START SOMETHING NEW.
1) IT'S GOING TO TAKE HARD WORK. REGARDLESS OF THIS GUY - I think you need to get it into your head that this guy does not owe you the opposite of loneliness. Fact is your relationship currently is the blind leading the blind. IF you should not choose a man that you have to change, how he affects you - is your fault. You chose the wrong guy. Stop yourself from thinking about him at ll. For instance, you've stated that you both got into the wrong relationship in so many words. In your head, make all his choices, his problem (i.e. how he treats women). It is YOUR choices and the way that you choose to handle getting out of this funk, your problem, YOUR choices MATTER MOST AND YOU CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT THEM IN BABY STEPS.
WHAT THE VENERABLE COMMUNITY LEADER SPECIALMOM SAYS IS TRUE : EVEN GENERAL WELFARE WILL GET YOU BETTER HEALTH CARE - here in Canada, the path of going to a shelter; , and finding out what sources of resources are available to women in your position are the best way to extricate underemployed persons. Here you get enough $$ for a room, you may find another women to share an apt from a shelter experience, you would get a bus pass, a gym pass, help with finding employment, experience working through the employment programs (to get work experience), volunteer opportunities (to meet people, learn to socialize, and get valued work experience for employers)., food banks with free clothing opportunities , in other words support from the community at large. I agree that joining clubs ,churches. Yes, it may appear that it's easier to rely upon men that rely upon your performing in bed for their devotion and protection, but your making a mistake. You and your partner need to be "fixed" before they can be part of a relationship. It IS YOUR TIME TO FIX YOU so that you can relax in a relationship and not always be waiting for the other shoe to drop and your world turned upside down every time an unwell individual projects, deflects their bad moods. FROM WHAT YOU'VE SAID IT'S UNLIKELY THAT YOU HAVE ENOUGH OF A "RELATIONSHIP" TO WORK WITH TO GO AND GET MARRIAGE COUNSELING AND MAYBE HAVE YOU BOTH ON THE SAME PAGE WORKING ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP. this may also be an option, but only you know what you have to work with as a starting point of REPAIRING YOUR CURRENT RELATIONSHIP. if YOU WANT to ask if he's amicable to receiving therapy, you can do that to, but be prepared for any attitude of answer he gives you - and run with it. "WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW" NEEDS TO END.
The people who have no one in their lives have God watching over them more and more. Don't feel sorry for yourself or the situation you are in. Complaining wouldn't help too. You could always have friends especially here who would love to help you guide you or simply talk to you> But do not consider yourself as a liability or some load. Why would you think that people would not love to talk to you or converse with you. You are God's magnificent creation. But you will have to stand up for yourself and make initiatives to be independent in your daily tasks . You should not also stay home all day long. Just take a bicycle or something like a walk or anything but don't imprison yourself. Go out buy a book or something or just visit a park. If you could
add early morning walk to your routine, it would help a lot, clearing your mind and making you feel good at the same time. Take care of yourself!