Many Questions to ask

[ashley911]

Hello every one ..so have a few questions to ask you. Ok so I've been with my bf for 4 years and we talked about marriage and children yesterday. And he said in about 8 years which would put him at 31 and me at 29 ...and I certainly do not want to wait that long. I want one by atleast 25 and married. How could we compromise. Secondly I have a problem with the word submission I CAN'T STAND that word I feel as if I have to do what ever he says with that word I dont like it at all can you give me some advice? Thirdly I'm in school n our 4th anniversary is coming up feb11 and I only have 900 and he wants me to come home plus my ticket is 376.90 n he said he'll pay half but that's still expensive ..what do u think I should do?

[specialmom]

There is no rush to start a family.  I'd get established in as many ways as possible before worrying about that.  I'd also work on solidifying the foundation of your relationship with this guy if you are considering marriage and children eventually so that anxiety and fear do not come between the two of you.  

Good luck

[ashley911]

No I just can't wait to have a family like I'm just excited but I have a fair of things not going right and sometimes I argue with him about silly things out of fair I don't no why I always hpye up n argue over nothing

[specialmom]

Oh boy, well----------  I think you started dating him as a teenager and marriage isn't really something to worry about this second.  I'd get through school, both of you, and focus on what type of job you are going to get first before worrying about marriage.  Then after both of you are more established as adults--------  his idea of marriage will change. I'd guess in a couple of years.  While you've been together a long time, well----------- you started dating when you were what, 16 or 17?  So marriage in your mid 20's would be pretty normal in my opinion.  And I'm a big fan of couples being married for a few years before children entering the picture.  Kids change the dynamics of a couple and also your capability to do lots of things---------  so a young married couple should have a few years under their belt to enjoy just each other.  Then kids come and you can enjoy being parents together.  

So, I'm a little different than the others in saying that if you love him and things are otherwise okay in your relationship, I wouldn't let one conversation make you throw down ultimatums or break up because he isn't moving fast enough for you----------  I'd focus on school, career and then see what happens.  

Submissive is a funny word in marriage.  Am I submissive to my husband?  Yes, but I wear the pants in our relationship.  I'm much more of "the boss" but I am submissive to his feelings and what he thinks is important.  But then he is submissive to me too.  A relationship that works is when both people put the other's needs and desires above their own. If both are doing that, both are usually happy.  So do not be afraid of the word---------  I think you could easily change it to "respect".  Don't think of submissive as you are "slave" to him.  (unless he is telling you that!)  I guess because I am a strong minded, spirited lady----------- I can say I'm submissive to ,my husband but know that just means that I try to put him first, respect him in every way, and work together for the sake of our family without it meaning I serve him.  See what I am saying?

Are you having second thoughts about this relationship?

[ANewLife4Me]

I would not wait either.  I did, I dated my ex for 10 years before we got married.  Noway would I ever do that again.  Do what You want to do.  I know you've been with him for 4 years already and have a lot of time invested in this relationship, but don't wait another 8 years.  Where is his compromise?  You should both compromise, not just you.  I don't like the word submissive either.  Your partnership with him should be equal, if that's the way you want it.  I'm not sure what to tell you about going home.  If you want to, go.  If you don't, don't.  Good luck :)

[ashley911]

Submission as to am I gonna be submissive to him if I marry him and he will be the man of the house ...I know he'll be the man of the house but I still don't like the word submissive

[RockRose]

I wouldn't wait 8 years to get married either - that's dating 12 years for you,  which is an indicator he doesn't want to get married.

I don't know why you have to have the word "submission" in your relationship.