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Avatar universal

My fiancée's family

I just became engaged to the love of my life and the man of my dreams.  We have been dating for a year and 2 months and have been wonderful, close friends for over 4 years.  I was hospitalized and very sick for over 4 months about 8 months ago and it was then that I really realized that life wont go on without him.  Anyways i'm having a really hard time being around his family.  His parents speak spanish at home to him and his three brothers and only speak english to me.  I understand that his parents want to speak it at home because it's their background but I hate it because I have no idea what they are ever talking about and I know my fiancée would tell me if it was anything about me or whatever but I hate it.  I have only eatten dinner with them once and don't want again now because I sat there and ate while they all talked but I had no idea what was said and then all of a sudden when they wanted to talk to me they would switch to english then go back to spanish.  We are going to Mexico for Christmas this year and I am not looking forward to it at all because I will be excluded like always.  I am only doing it and sacraficing my holiday for my fiancée because I love him and we wont be able to go back for a while because we will be starting a family soon and he hasn't been in several years.  I just dont know what to do about this, do I tell my fiancée how I feel eventhough he gets upset or what?
75 Responses
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212795 tn?1194952574
If we stop commenting to her post, she'll realize it's over.  She sounds to me extremely immature and ignorant.  This is not something we can help her change.  She needs to go out in public and voice her opinions and let people react.  She will learn - judging from her reactions, she will say the wrong thing to the wrong person, and believe me she will learn!  By the way, I don't believe she is engaged to a Mexican man because why would someone with such a bias towards different ethnicities, someone who considers themselves white, who does not understand terms such as caucasian, marry a man who is hispanic?  Sounds like a 13 year old with too much time on her hands living in some small town where her biases are accepted.  She said she has been to the rich part of states where she is stupid enough to believe are non hispanic areas.  I am not wasting my time talking to this girl anymore.  To everyone else, however, there isn't much we can do to get her to understand.  She just needs to get out in the real world and stop living in her KKK utopia.
Helpful - 0
154765 tn?1237247944
bip
GET OFF THE FORUM GO GO SOMEWHERE ELSE.  WE DON'T NEED YOUR BS...
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177641 tn?1189755837
4EVERDK, It sounds like you have a "gross and very dirty" mexican fetish considering you want to marry someone from there. What would we call that - a closet mexicanophile? Latinophile?

"I grew up in a family where... you live in America, you speak English"
That's your family, and that attitude extends as far as your front doorstep. Mom and dad's opinions are not the world's.

"I'm not asking my children to be tought about my background, I don't see why his background is a big deal either..."
Don't forget to teach them that english is the ONLY language spoken in the US while you're busy "not teaching them about your background". See if you can whitewash the rest of society too.

RockRose, you're right - this must be a troll. It's getting a rise out of me too. I've never known anyone to call a culture dirty and disgusting, and then wonder why no one supports their opinion. 4EVERDK, you may have been terribly ill at some point, but you haven't learned much from it. Take this racist propaganda belongs elsewhere. Leave it out of health forums.
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Avatar universal
Believe me or don't... I wasn't really being racist either, all I have said is English should be spoken in the U.S. and that Mexico is gross and very dirty place...  Hell there are places in every state that are discusting, I just find it more discusting...
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13167 tn?1327194124
You don't even know how to spell Cabo.  I don't believe you at all,  and I'm surprised anyone else believes anything you say.

You're a troll,  who is trying to start up a big racist flame war.  

Go somewhere else.  There must be innumerable sites where people are willing to denigrate other cultures.  

I don't believe,  for one single minute,  that you are engaged to a Mexican man.  Not one minute.

Shoooo,  troll.


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Avatar universal
I was in Cobo in Mexico and it was gross... I would hate to see what the more poor towns are like.  If my fiance wants me to go, I'll go... I'm not asking my children to be tought about my background, I don't see why his background is a big deal either...
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154765 tn?1237247944
bip
I think you need major help I don't know why you posted this your just  BS  everyone and you want everyones attention....  Everybody knows how you are and they don't even know you.......You are not FOOLING US.......Go some some HELP you are going to need it.....


mami2karina-  You are so right.......SMART GIRL
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175665 tn?1306459024
You are a liar if you say you've been to Florida and California and never heard Spanish there.  That's BS.  And that you saying we favor Mexicans isn't so.  We are telling you how it is but you are too pinche ignorant to listen to anything anyone has to tell you.  And may I ask you where you went to in Mexico?  You say it is so dirty and disgusting.  That is not true.  Mexico may be poor but it is rich in culture.  And if so terrible why the heck are with a Mexican????  One day he'll decide he wants to go back home and what are you gonna do?  Sit here on your little white b*itch @$$?  Think about it, this relationship has NO future what so ever and I pray to God that your poor fiance sees you for what you truly are and leaves you soon.
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177641 tn?1189755837
Your problem seems to be that they speak Spanish, and you've backed that up with how you think EVERYONE should speak English in your presence (regardless of whether they're in the US or in their own home) based on the fact that it is the official language in YOUR country. It's very difficult to agree with a xenophobic attitude like that.
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154765 tn?1237247944
bip
Don't blame other posters......
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Avatar universal
This was about my fiance family speaking spanish!  I have been to the richer parts of both states, must be why I didn't hear any spanish!  I wasn't the one who started this post in this direction, read original post and you will see.
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154765 tn?1237247944
bip
I think you are BS everyone.....Are you for real? If you are you need help....
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177641 tn?1189755837
So is that what your post about? That the US favours Mexicans more than anybody? I've never had the impression that the US is particularly favourable to Mexicans (given how they are portrayed in popular media). Try pursuing an international studies degree and find out why your country is the way it is... rather than target some ethnic group as being the sole cause of your country's problems. If you want to vent about illegal immigrant, find a different forum - this is for relationship and sexuality advice. Political issues are too sensitive for a forum like this.

Also, try telling your fiance that you think the place he came from is disgusting and dirty. Good grief, this post is a waste of time.
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174515 tn?1191707269
what the heck part of Florida did you not hear Spanish in? i live in Florida and now i KNOW you are a LIAR. we favor mexicans? i missed that. i assume you've never been to the black areas of any city, the asian areas...the fact is this country has so many cultures that have brought us a taste of what they are, that it is apparent in every place you go, every food you eat and even the words we use. that's what makes America amazing. so have you been to Mexico? or are you just making a big assumption that it is disgusting and dirty? listen sweetie, every time you open your mouth you sound more and more ignorant. if you don't want opinions, don't ask questions. if you learned to keep your mouth shut and observe a bit you would probably find that you are one of a dying breed of bigot.

oh, and i guess if you consider 28- 90...sure. like i said genius.

i'm done with you and this silly post. the attention seekers are at play lately.
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172023 tn?1334672284
You've been to Florida and Caifornia and didn't hear any Spanish?  hahahahaha!   Good one
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Avatar universal
I have been to Mexico, Florida, and California... I didn't hear any spanish in Florida or California and now for Mexico... it is discusting and so dirty.  So a whole two of you are not 90 my bad... it doesn't make spanish anymore appealing!  The big issue I have is we favor Mexicans more than any other race and it is so wrong!  You people just dont get it... whatever its your issue not mine.
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154765 tn?1237247944
bip
You put it right on the button..... This girl is nuts......
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Avatar universal
I think this is so horrible, my husband is from Mexico as well and yeah I am also young and I got married at 19.  I absoultly love the fact that my hubby is of a different haritage because I am German, Polish, and Dutch(yet still "white") and I think it will be so amazing having our children know about all of that.  If you want to marry this man he needs to know what you are all about, afterwards he may not be so interested!
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175665 tn?1306459024
LMAO at you girls!  I think we scared her off!  And your right 2boys1princess!  If she had any clue about their culture and heritage she'd wanna be Mexican too!  Sometimes I wish I had the opportunity to have grown up there.  It's a wonderful country and I enjoyed my time there very much.  I'm hoping to go back soon.  One day I'd love to live there.  And peek that's hilarious!
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172023 tn?1334672284
I think she now believes that she's the only white girl on Medhelp!  
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202705 tn?1202924547
your previous post was written beautifully!!   :-)   more power to you!
that's right! nothing wrong to be mexican... soy muy orgullosa de ser Mexicana!!! es mas, si supiera el valor que tenemos, hasta ella quiesiera ser Mexicana (in fact, if she only knew the what a mexican is worth, you'll want to be Mexican, too.)

hmmm... i wonder why she hasn't responded... could it be that her b/f is not legal after all?? did she send him off to Mexico??   LOL!

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175665 tn?1306459024
Thank you, thank you.  And I'm just a "white girl".  So that goes to prove that learning Spanish can be done.  I have NO Mexican roots what so ever and it amazes people when they hear me speak!  And be proud of your race!  There is nothing wrong with being Mexican.  This is an arguement I have frequently with my family.  I do not want my dd or my ds on the way to be ashamed of the fact that they are Mexican, it's something to be proud of!
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198504 tn?1195158059
That was awesome!!, Unfortunately I doubt that she will even take the time or initiative to try and figure it out. ** Me da gusto que mucha gente respondio a este post de esta nina, por que eso quire decir que mucha gente en este pais no son de mente cerrada.** I take pride in the fact that I was born in the United States and have the opportunity to take advantage of all that  this wonderful country has to offer! But I also take pride in the fact that I am mexican and even though I disagree with little miss know it all, that does not mean that I do not like this country and that every now and then when I run into ignorant people like her it will certainly not be enough to make me want to"back to Mexico" as she clearly advised we should do. Ladies thank you for being such wonderful, open minded human beings. I know that we judged this young lady (4everdk) on her ignorant remarks and statements, but she will eventually learn the hard way. This will be my last post regarding this issue . Till then ladies talk to you on another post.  
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175665 tn?1306459024
Thanks hun!  I'm a youngin'.  I married my ex-dh when I was 17.  But anyways.  4everdk you are a very closeminded person.  First of all if he truly is the "love of your life" as you keep stating what does his legal status have to do with it?  Are you going to love him any less if you find out he is illegal?  That's just stupid.  I'm probably gonna get **** for that, but seriously if you love him it shouldn't matter one way or the other.  Now for a Spanish lesson and a life lesson all wrapped into one.  Eres MUY ignorante.  Tu novio merece una mujer MUCHO mejor que tu.  Que mereces, pues no se que mereces.  Pero el hombre que tienes debe de buscar otra mujer, y PRONTO.  Vienes a preguntar por ayudar pero no quieres escuchar lo te dicen.  Eso quiere dicir que tienes la mente cerrada y no eres madura.  Supuestamente eres un adulto que puede hacer lo que quiere.  Pero no te importa en la felicidad de tu novio.  Tu quieres lo que tu quieres cuando tu quieres y no importas si estas haciendo dano a tu novio y su familia.  Y otra cosa, si le haces tomar una decision-tu o su familia, vas a perder pendeja!  La familia SIEMPRE viene antes de la mujer.  Si sabias algo de su cultura ni preguntaras eso.  Okay, I'm done for now.  You seriously if you wanna know what it says, ask your fiancee or a member of his family, you might be pleasantly surprised as to their reaction!  Un reaccion de felicidad porque van a saber exactamente lo que eres!
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