Sorry that this woman did step back so quickly. Long distance relationships are difficult and hard to maintain. It takes both being willing to sacrifice to make it work. Long distance relationships can also be scary due to this. Still it sounds like you were ready to sacrifice for this woman and that you truly cared about her. So yes I feel she gave up on a good thing in her chaotic life a bit quickly. But you know with how it sounds every relationship she has was strained or broken. Maybe she is scared that she will sacrifice for you only to hurt her. It could also be that she just feels like it would be selfish to ask you to come into her madness. Either way I agree she let go before she knew where it could lead.
Now as for what you should do. Typically people tell me I am crazy, but I feel you should follow your heart. When you talk about this girl it sounds like you would have done anything for her and truly felt for her. If this is the case and you feel that she is the only one for you, then I would keep in touch. Maybe play it day by day by still. Talk to her and be there for her. If she did split up over the madness then you just being a good friend and supportive may open the doors to a relationship once more. Also, if she broke it off over being scared of being hurt or what would come of this relationship you may reassure her that it was a healthy relationship by being a supportinve role in her life. If you love her and truly would give up everything for her then don't give up so quickly things may come back together.
Now at the same time, you cant let her use you. This means while you should keep in touch and be hopeful that the doors could open back up. Don't place your own happiness on hold for to long. What I mean is that if she seems distant or doesn't seem open to being friends. Then you may have to step back yourself and take a look at if what your heart wants can ever be. That is the part I struggle with is when to give up. But at the same time not giving up gave me my husband back. So I do believe that following your heart while not letting it over run your mind is the way to go. I will be praying that god gives you guidance. Good luck.
I know it hurts but you must give her some space. I feel like if she has kids that need her ---- then this is especially true. Kids ALWAYS come first and I admire her for putting her son first even if she didn't tell you that was the specifically the reason-- to handle things.
You have no option but to let her be. I think if you do more, you are invading her life in a negative way. she's told you what she wants. You have to respect that.
I also know that this kind of rings a bell. I started dating someone and we were immediately 'in love' (which is a warning sign as love doesn't really work that fast usually) and he was VERY into me and I began to not feel the same. It was hard because he felt I was the love of his life and I didn't feel that anymore but I was in the process of figuring it out. Then when I was sure, I ended it. You give very flowering statements as to why but the bottom line is that inside of her, it didn't feel right and she doesn't want to do it anymore.
That's what she has told you. You have to accept it. It is up to you if you want to try to rekindle it. She sounds l like she has a lot on her plate and doesn't really need a dating distraction. That's just my opinion. She's a mom. That is her top priority.
When there is true love, nothing gets in the way. I would not sit around waiting and wondering.
Also if youve done this to a girl before (broken up with them) just reflect back on your true feelings for them as may shed some light on her true feeling for you.
See, I view love differently. It's an emotion and not a tangible thing. I've left someone I truly loved because things weren't right. Things DID get in the way for me and I loved this person dearly. But I'm practical and understand that not everything is meant to be. good luck
What she told him was that she still loved him and needed him in her life. That to me is a sign that she wasn't 100 percent sure. Also, in the end she said that the relationship just felt like it was to much to take on with school and all the other madness in her life. If this man loves her and can be the stable part of her life then he shouldn't just let go. I never said that he should throw himself at her, but he shouldn't give up until he feels she has truly changed her feelings for him. Love can triumph and should when at all possible. We need more true love stories in this crazy world. We need more man that come to the rescue and love unconditionally.
Well, I agree that if she said that he should pursue it but do know from experience that love doesn't always triumph. And I went on to love someone again and have a stable life with them. I also an advocate of kids first. Many women and men do get embroiled in relationships that take the focus off of their kids and I think that is unfortunate. I say that as a mom. If something broke my husband and I up, that is hard enough on them to then have issues with difficult love life problems would be very hard on them and me. I think I'd have to take a break from all dating to keep my focus where it should be in my opinion, on my kids.
That is not to say that those that go on to find love while they have kiddos is a bad thing. I just know that the ups and downs of it are felt by kids too and parents need to be really mindful of that.
So, when the poster began talking about issues with one of her children, I feel like that DOES need to be her top concern.
anyway, to me this is confusing. the woman is giving mixed messages. And I do think that we can be confused and not let go of our 'safety net' when knowing in our heart that we don't think the relationship is right so we 'sort of' break it off. That's what this sounds like. And then for the poster, are they spinning their wheels trying to make it work?
it could go either way and I guess unsure, your advice to follow your heart is good--- he just also needs to protect his heart in the process. good luck to the poster
I absolutely agree with SM. The idea that "love can conquer all"...."follow your heart", etc...is all nice, but it's USUALLY not reality. I think we ALL want that fairy tale, movie kind of love. The fact is, life isn't all just about emotions...and quite honestly, it sounds like this woman is smart enough to recognize that her relationship with the OP must take a back seat for now. I think she actually was very forthcoming with him.
Relationships of course have an emotional component, but also, they have a whole lot of other components...general compatibility, life circumstances (everything from jobs, housing, location, etc), and of course, a person's baggage.
Everyone comes with it...some people's are just heavier and more complex. The emotion side of people in love want to believe they can overcome it ALL in the name of love. NOT always true. When the heavy duty intense romantic and passionate feelings start to dwindle, it's the real life circumstances that all of a sudden become an issue.
Like sm said, her children must always come first, and I wouldn't recommend ANYONE dating or pursuing someone where that wasn't the case, it's good that she wants to put all of her time and energy towards her kids.
Bottom line, it's pretty simple to me...yes, there are strong feelings, but life is getting in the way of her pursuing and nurturing her relationship with the OP. Her plate is VERY full, so she's made a decision to put the other things in life first, while letting him know that she still does have feelings for him. Who knows, maybe after things settle down for her, they can both revisit the idea of trying again. I think giving her her space is the only option. Anything else is pushy, intrusive, selfish and disrespectful (IMO).
OP, I'm sorry you're going through this, I'm sure it's hard, but please respect this woman's request. Give her space...she already knows how you feel. Give it some time. I also would caution you (to echo what sm said) that whirlwind relationships where people are proclaiming their love and committing to "forever" in such a short period of time are concerning. They tend to either fizzle out, or, as the people TRULY get to KNOW one another (because you CAN NOT REALLY "know" someone in a few months)...they discover that maybe they weren't so compatible to begin with. Then the mundane, every day problems become too much....and the emotion side of it isn't enough to justify dealing with all of life's issues. This relationship had MANY obstacles from go....and it's taken its toll. Hopefully, with some time, you two will find your way back to one another. If not, as hard as it feels, you're going to just have to accept it for what it is, and move on.
Best of luck to you.
I wouldn't make any life changing plans in regards to this.
Let her take care of her business, however, I wouldn't recommend hanging around waiting for her to restart the relationship or want to restart the relationship.
Everyone keeps bringing up the kids and I agree they are top priority. Still if this man is willing to take on those two kids and once again give them a stable life, then why should the mother and him stop trying. In my first post I stated that he should try to just be friends with her at first. This is already a long distance relationship and the only way they could get another chance is to keep in touch and for him to communicate with her.
My advice is from my own experience. My husband has two kids from another woman and yes it was hard on his two kids, but I proved myself worthy of their respect and their dads love. It took time and being there for all of them. Letting the children know I wasn't trying to take there moms place, and allowing him to put them first. But to say that parents should not get a second chance at love because of the kids would be wrong. Many people say that I was a big part of helping my husband build his relationship with his kids. So while the children should come first, if this guy understands that then nothing is wrong with this relationship.
Telling him to follow his heart and remember to not let it over run his brain also comes from past experiences. My husband has left me in the past. There was post on here about the situation and many told me that I should move on. To let him go and give him space, but in my heart and when I prayed I knew that this would be a decision I would regret. I love my husband and I didn't give up on us. Now we are happy and moving on from the past. I just don't see giving up unless you truly feel there is nothing left in the relationship. That is why I continue to encourage this man to follow his heart and what his gut says, but don't let them lie to him.
I know if I would followed others advice and given up or just let go...my husband and me would never have been reconciled and both of our lives would be lonely right now. I couldn't imagine my life without my husband and would hate for someone to lose the chance at the same happiness just because he follows what others believe is right and not his heart and what he knows is right deep down. If he does feel like there is no chance then I would understand moving on. May God be with this poster.
One more thing I would like an update from the poster on what his decision was....
Unsure, everyone is giving the advice they feel is best. Yours is different from mine and that is okay. I do not think every relationship is meant to be. I think the poster has gotten a broad range of advice with none more valuable than any other or less valuable. it's all good stuff for the poster to ponder. In the end, he'll have to figure out what to do. I just encourage practicality beyond just emotions in decision making---- especially when there are kids. But the poster will have to do what is best for them. ALL have given good advice here. Thanks for your input.
Advice is just that...............advice. In the end it is ALWAYS the OP's decision about what is best for him/her.
It is always helpful to get different opinions and views and it isn't a must that everyone responding must concur.
No disagreement advice is advice...and when you get alot of opinions you can weigh the pros and cons of each. Wasn't meaning nothing I just know I wish back when I went through my struggle more would have told me that I wasn't crazy for sticking by my husband. Sometimes people need that reassurance that following their heart and true passion is right. Good luck to all in their relationships.
To the OP...............I hope you can figure out what you need to do and what is best for you.
All the best.