i didnt know it would upset him........

[lovinlyfe06]

Okay so tell me what you think... Yesterday I was on my hubbys side of the computer and found pics of porn... which kinda bothered me, so i deleted them.. and he found out what I did today... He calls me up and asked why I deleted them, and I told him it bothered me and that i didnt like it bcz i dont like him looking at others and i didnt know that it was there (he had a dvd, which didnt both me he hardly watched it and one day it turned up missing, I did nothing with it... well he thinks i did) well he said that he gets hard every so often when im not home and likes something to look at to get off... just to keep him from going out and "sleeping" with someone else??!?!?!?!?!---------

Im pregnant, just found out, so the hormones are high and im feeling emotional and a little hurt... I dont want him to cheat, I shouldnt have throwin his stuff out, but why this when he has me and he is all over me when im home (since ive become pregnant we have sex all the time more than normal, and i feel sick most of the time due to morning sickness, but i still please him) should i have done what i did????

[lovinlyfe06]

I understand i have trust issues and know that he does too... it also doesnt help to throw into the mix that he goes to his friends house after i have fallen asleep (and this is a girl) that i told him it upsets me that he does this and he goes in to an agruement saying he doesnt like being compared to me since i was the one who broke his trust and he hasnt done anything since we have been in a relationship to break my trust and  its been over a year or two... I mean seriously how am i not suppose to feel hurt about this...

[ciqala]

You have a right to have your views and morals, thus if you feel that him watching porn is wrong to you, then you do have a right to discuss and lay down boundaries for the relationship to work out. Just deleting it without discussion of course, would agitate any relationship.

But did he really say he watched porn to not go out and cheat on you, or was that your own interpretation? If he really said that, i think he needs to work on his sexual habits. He may be very faithful to you, but his sexual habits are kind of off.
But it seems to me you are so worried about him cheating, because you did it yourself in the past so you know it can be done, but the past is the past, and it wasn't him, and that's not the way he thinks. He probably only mentioned the freebie, because he was so hurt, and people say things they don't mean when they have been hurt. You are worried about your own mistake coming back to haunt you. Most people still need a form of masturbation in their lives, even when they are having sex all the time, because masturbation is healthy, and it's Me time, and i know for myself, and many, the figures on the screen only serve as ways to physically get off, and have no deeper emotional meaning tied in.
I also think you are looking at things kind of unhealthily, that you "must" please him in order to stop him from leaving you. You should work on your trust issues, and please, work on, not feeling like you own him anything.
I suggest that you are probably over sensitive to things with the pregnancy, and that he is faithful to you, it is your own doubts you need to work on.  

[lovinlyfe06]

I completley agree!!!! thank you, all... for helping me this this issue more clearly..

[teko]

The key here is, this happened BEFORE you said I do and made your vows to him for life. He does NOT get to use this to beat you up. He married you willingly didnt he? So that is in the past and not to be dredged up to make brownie points or to make you bow or cower to him. And just to let you know, you cannot control what he will and will not do. That is his choice. What you can do is trust that your relationship is such that he would not do something like this and destroy it. You need to sit down and tell him how porn makes you feel and ask him to please avoid it out of respect for your feelings. Whether he puts your feelings above the porn or not is very telling in itself. imo But for now, you need to put you and this baby first and realize that as much as it bothers you, it is pretty common these days and maybe put that one on hold to deal with at a time when your hormones and emotions are not controlling your thoughts. For now, today, you are married, and going to have a baby and this is where you attention needs to be.

[lovinlyfe06]

This is our 2nd child, I know he wouldnt cheat on me, but the thing is before we got married i slipped up and cheated on him. we were on the verge of breaking up and he was in jail... (this happened before marriage) He is still really hurt by what i did, and thinks he should get a freebie, which really pi$$e$ me off. thats what im kinda worried about bcz suppose i say yes (very fat chance in that) then i'd be worried he'd leave me an start cheating more... marriage is more than that to me... he is a great husband, we have been friends for 8 years before marriage, he only gets mad when he thinks about what i did and is hurt (which is understandable)..

[specialmom]

Yes, I think a discussion would have been of greater benefit here.  I agree with Teko that throwing away someone else's things or deleting them is an invasion of their "space".  

And Okay, I'm a bit different than the above.  I think what he was trying to say was hey, I'm not cheating, I'm looking at porn. And if you make a big deal out of it---------- would you rather I go out and cheat.  

Now, no wife likes this kind of statement but I don't think he is saying he'd cheat on you.  I think he is saying he's found a way to satisfy myself when you aren't available that he sees as innocent and would prefer you acknowledge he isn't cheating and it is just a few pictures.

You're pregnant and do you need this to be a huge issue right now?  Is he a pretty good husband overall? Do you get along and is he nice to you?  Are you excited to start a family with him?  Focus on that right now and try not to blow this out of proportion.  Apologize for deleting them and tell him you don't like that he has it and maybe you can talk about that but you are sorry for snooping and deleting.  good luck and happy child birth

[teko]

Well throwing anything out that belongs to another is more of a control issue and usually makes someone mad for that reason alone. I mean, that is a basic respect issue. The fact that it is porn is another issue and is something that should have been addressed between the two of you before now.  I think it also shows his maturity level to say that porn is what stands between him and cheating. That little statement would send me thru the roof. I would be communicating alright. I would be making myself loud and clear. If that is all that keeps you from cheating, have hat it honcho~

[brice1967]

First off, I am a happily married man so I dont know if you'll find my opinion worth while, but I'll throw it out there for the sake of things.  For some people, porn is no big deal and for others its the deal breaker.  I dont know if I would have just thrown out his porn without having a discussion first.

You could easily say that it makes you uncomfortable, him viewing porn and just have a discussion about it.  

The one thing I'd be a tad suspicous with is his take on porn.  If he is looking at porn so he doesnt go out and sleep with someone else, seems as if there is a problem.  I've seen porn and it hasnt made me want to go sleep with anyone...but thats just me.  Sit down and have a talk with him.  Be truthful about your feelings and aske him to do the same.  Maybe there is a compromise...I dont know.  I will tell you though, communication is the key to a healthy relationship.

Is this your first pregnancy?  I felt weird about sex with our first pregnancy.  I didnt want to do anything to jeopardize the baby.... (as if I could).  My wifes hormones were off the charts and she was always ready where I was a tad reluctant, but eveyone is different.  Back to communication, just talk it out with him.