Need help

[mridiot]

I need to talk to someone. I am married almost three years. No kids yet. My wife and I are both doctors. I grew up with a group of guys that were like having a dozen brothers. There was alot of good to that and in our case alot of bad. We thought we were "the guys". We all had our girlfriends or pick-ups but when alone we were the macho jerks. We'd get drunk, pick up, drop some money at clubs and go to strip joint / parlors. Even when we found the girls we knew we loved and would marry we were still the 12 or so fools. That carried through bachelor parties, trips to see out of town games, our annual gathering, and just nights out here and there to relieve life's sh*t as we liked to put it. But more and more I started realizing we were jacka**e* and wondering why I was leaving a real woman that I loved at home while going out with the boys. I found I was not enjoying it - it was empty. I started backing down a bit and being less of a player for lack of a better word. I then stopped and told the guys that is just not for me anymore - I don't want it. Of course they think I am a wimp, think my wife controls me and in a way they do not trust me. Its like they are afraid that I have become so whipped (as they put it) that I may tell my wife about them. I'd never do that as I do not want to be the reason of breaking up homes especially with kids. But I do want to tell my wife about me and just start over. I read that when you cheat and confess the marriage that you knew ceases but a new and better one can begin. But is that fair to her? Does she need to know? I do not want to tell her to make myself feel better. I want to tell her to close the chapter on lies and let her know that I stupidly learned what my vows mean to me after I said them. One guy is getting married ina  few months and I backed out of the celebration and advised him to do the same - to learn from my mistake. Honestly I think the friendship is over the way he looked at me. What I am asking as I am going in a circle is - what is better for my wife - to know and decide whether to go on with me but to have to feel pain or for me to learn from my mistakes and be the husband I should have been. I was actually going to go ask a priest but who would know better than other women?

[laura1977]

Your too funny.
Heck ya no one would put up with my husband the way I do.  He is a 30 year old child.  hehe
I think it is funny say he is 30.  He just turned 30 this past Friday.  I won't be (that age) until December 6th so I am 29 right now.  (noticed how I didn't put the age)

[girliegrl1723]

"quite the catch" haha. that cracks me up. sounds just like me. i always  tell my husband that im the best thing that ever happened to him and no one else would ever be crazy enough to put up with his ****.

[laura1977]

I would because if my husband were to have such utter disrespect for me and our children then how would I know if it weren't to happen again?  It usually does happen again if a wife turns the other cheek the first time.  Don't get me wrong, if I were to cheat on my husband he has even said my stuff would be on the front lawn.  
My father has been married to my mother for better or worse for almost 40 years, and not once has he ever cheated on my mother nor has she.  
I as a person respect myself enough to not put up with that from the man I am married to.  
The way I look at it is I am quite the catch and if my husband doesn't want me, then I will find someone that will be faithful to one woman.  
I diserve that out of my marriage, and I think ladies should expect the same thing because we must have respect for ourselves if we expect someone else to.

[RockRose]

Laura - I wouldn't want to know,  if it were in the past and he deeply regretted it.  If he changed,  "saw the light",  and stopped the behavior,  I wouldn't want to know.

I feel completely differently about an ongoing relationship,  I would definitely want to know about that,  and act.  

[laura1977]

ok my point is most are saying the wife doesn't need to know.

ok so lets say each and everyones husbands cheated on all of us.  Would you want to know or not?
me I would want to know so I could leave.

[bip]

I know if my husband ever cheated on me. It will not be a quiestion about it. I would take his bags and throw him the hell out.  I dont think he would do that to me. I been with him for 13 yrs and he never once cheated on me. Why  would you anyone get married say your vows and go cheat on your spouse.  Im so against on cheating.This is how I feel...