Aa
Need space!!!
Hi everyone, im posting because i need a bit of advice about my mother in law, we live round the corner and she comes to my house 4 times a week, she has two gran kids which are my two children and they are 9 months and 5yr, she has my eldest for 3 1/2 hours on a saturday and then she'll come up again tues, thurs, frid and saturday, im fed up of not getting 5 minutes to myself because when she does come up shes here for over an hour and then she doesnt talk, ive tried talking to my other half but he just takes her side because hes a mummys boy, i know it sounds cruel but he is,they'r as bad as each other, its the carnival tomorrow and he'll expect to bring his mum and i just want a normal family with me my boyf and our kids im fed up of his mother expecting to come everywhere with us, she always tells me im better off without my boyf this is her son shes talking about if my mother said that about me id be round there telling her keep her nose out but he wont hes always on her side, its that bad i wanna move away from her now
she doesnt play with the kids even when my eledst goes down she just puts him in the dining room with a computer they didnt bother with their own kids didnt take them anywhere or play with them except for my boyf he was spoilt rotten by mummy, she still buys him biscuits and water hes 28, she has to get the best toy for our kids for xmas everythings a competition i mean what she gets has to be the best the kids have its like shes trying buy them, i cant buy my kids anything shes got to get it i have my own money for my kids she knows i dont need or want help, at the end of the day i'll never like her because shes two faced with us and after everything thats happened
im just mad about how she is, she thinks because shes a nan she can turn up whenever but when her daughter rings she runs straight to her, me and my partner are happy but after she admitted she wants him back at home and is being two faced she can get lost it, seems like shes trying to split us up, she'll tell me im better off without him, then she'll tell my boyf shes rang and ive ignored the phone when she hasnt, i know she wants him back at home because in an arguement once my boyf turned round n said maybe i should move bk home then everyones happy, i know they've got a problem with me because they never visit unless im out, they drive past me and dont wave i dont know if they're jealous or what but i cant be bothered with them anymore i wish i never spoke to them after what went on with my son
COMMUNITY LEADER
Again, I think the attitude is a little bit of the problem. You just sound unhappy overall. Wish you luck but I think she is what you are blaming for your true unhappiness.
Move------------ I think you need to. But try to keep the peace. Strife in a family isn't good for anyone.
Move------------ I think you need to. But try to keep the peace. Strife in a family isn't good for anyone.
thank you for agreeing with me, the option to move is easy as we live in a council house and we can exchange with anyone we live in the uk in the midlands and we can exchange with someone at the other end of the country if we wanted thats 300 miles away, id have no problem going, when all the stuff was going on with his cousin i had no option but to involve the police i tried talking first but they didnt listen the damm police took his side not my sons so i never let him near the lad again, his family tell him im weird and can do better the two faced lot, they're weird they've got no friends and no one visits them,
id be happy if i never saw her again to be honest shes caused so much trouble and tries to break us up by saying things, i think they're jealous because his mums unhappy with her hubby and his sis is on her own with two kids and has so many health problems all down to herself,
my partner thinks we are to living to close to his family and were hoping to get a house a few mile away.
we've had an arguement over this last night and he said nothing, she comes round at the wrong time when im doing my kids tea, then i do our tea then its bath clean up then bed, shes with her daughter everyday and i just think they're too close
one day i will just blow up and tell her i think i need to but she'll come out with ive got rights she thinks shes entitled to see the kids everyday shes got no chance
id be happy if i never saw her again to be honest shes caused so much trouble and tries to break us up by saying things, i think they're jealous because his mums unhappy with her hubby and his sis is on her own with two kids and has so many health problems all down to herself,
my partner thinks we are to living to close to his family and were hoping to get a house a few mile away.
we've had an arguement over this last night and he said nothing, she comes round at the wrong time when im doing my kids tea, then i do our tea then its bath clean up then bed, shes with her daughter everyday and i just think they're too close
one day i will just blow up and tell her i think i need to but she'll come out with ive got rights she thinks shes entitled to see the kids everyday shes got no chance
What age group are you and your b/f?
Is your boyfriend's mother a widow? If yes then for how long?
If yes then she is probably very lonely and wants her son back at her home so that she can be functional as a mother again and have a purpose in life.
Mother's are very loving towards their children and always know best (even when they don't). They will always mother their children even when their children are grown up and have a family of their own. I am 51 years old and my mother is always giving me advice, I ignore it but agree with her to keep her happy. Even my own mother gets on my nerves from time to time but she's my mother.
I must admit that 4 times a week is a bit too often,
Once a week and every other Saturday would be more bearable for you and a good compromise but how would you tell her without upsetting her and her resenting you?
Though one and something I am unable to advise on.
If you moved 20 miles away then she would still visit regularly even if it meant catching a bus (coach) or getting a taxi.
Good luck
Is your boyfriend's mother a widow? If yes then for how long?
If yes then she is probably very lonely and wants her son back at her home so that she can be functional as a mother again and have a purpose in life.
Mother's are very loving towards their children and always know best (even when they don't). They will always mother their children even when their children are grown up and have a family of their own. I am 51 years old and my mother is always giving me advice, I ignore it but agree with her to keep her happy. Even my own mother gets on my nerves from time to time but she's my mother.
I must admit that 4 times a week is a bit too often,
Once a week and every other Saturday would be more bearable for you and a good compromise but how would you tell her without upsetting her and her resenting you?
Though one and something I am unable to advise on.
If you moved 20 miles away then she would still visit regularly even if it meant catching a bus (coach) or getting a taxi.
Good luck
This sounds like a very dysfunctional environment and family; maybe you would be better off without all of them? Particularly if your son's cousin is attempting to molest your child and his father and grandmother will not defend him.
I understand that you want to have your own family life with your boyfriend and kids, but you also can't change a person. Your bf is a momma's boy and has been from the beginning, and your mother-in-law is manipulative and controlling and seems to have no respect for her own son or his relationship with you. Your bf is unlikely to ever stand up to her for your sake or your children's because in a worst case scenario of molestation, he didn't. That, to me, is a pretty hopeless sign for continuing the relationship or that things will change with him anytime soon.
What options do you have to move away? Or do you really want to do that?
I'm not saying to cut them out of your life or your kids' lives, but simply to get out of the relationship and move on with your life and release yourself from this dysfunction.
I understand that you want to have your own family life with your boyfriend and kids, but you also can't change a person. Your bf is a momma's boy and has been from the beginning, and your mother-in-law is manipulative and controlling and seems to have no respect for her own son or his relationship with you. Your bf is unlikely to ever stand up to her for your sake or your children's because in a worst case scenario of molestation, he didn't. That, to me, is a pretty hopeless sign for continuing the relationship or that things will change with him anytime soon.
What options do you have to move away? Or do you really want to do that?
I'm not saying to cut them out of your life or your kids' lives, but simply to get out of the relationship and move on with your life and release yourself from this dysfunction.
the thing is i lived with her for two years because my selfish boyf wouldnt let me sleep at my house with ,my parents, my mother in law is two faced at the edn of the day she tells me im better off without him then we he gets home she nice as pie to him, and thats her own son shes talking about, she doesnt bother with her daughters kids anymore becuase they dont want know theyre 15 and 13, they want to go out with their mates, i need to get away for a break ive really had enough
our son came home saying his cousin was putting his private part by his face so i got the police involved and my partner took his mothers side instead of his own sons that sick, he put her before our son, shes had her time with her kids its our time with our kids now she cant stand the fact theyve grown up
our son came home saying his cousin was putting his private part by his face so i got the police involved and my partner took his mothers side instead of his own sons that sick, he put her before our son, shes had her time with her kids its our time with our kids now she cant stand the fact theyve grown up
COMMUNITY LEADER
Whew---------- I'm not the one to give advice here as I think it sounds wonderful. My boys have no grandmother and so at this point, I'd do all I could to foster such a relationship. When she is there for an hour, does she play with and hold and talk to the kids? Well, I think that is a wonderful thing.
You could try to set some boundaries ( not during this time of day) or possibly you could take the kids to her house and tell her you need to run an errand and leave for an hour?
Mother in laws can be hard to deal with but it is much easier if we look at them as someone trying to be our friend. I am guessing you have relationship issues that make her extra annoying to you. But anyway, I'd talk to your boyfriend about some "just family" time but also talk about what you CAN do with her so it isn't like you are trying to cut her out.
But . . . things like this are best to keep perspective on. Attitude about it can change the way it feels to us. I know this as my mother in law was on my nerves for a few years. Then she passed away----------- I miss her now. Foster that relationship with your kids. It is important. good luck
You could try to set some boundaries ( not during this time of day) or possibly you could take the kids to her house and tell her you need to run an errand and leave for an hour?
Mother in laws can be hard to deal with but it is much easier if we look at them as someone trying to be our friend. I am guessing you have relationship issues that make her extra annoying to you. But anyway, I'd talk to your boyfriend about some "just family" time but also talk about what you CAN do with her so it isn't like you are trying to cut her out.
But . . . things like this are best to keep perspective on. Attitude about it can change the way it feels to us. I know this as my mother in law was on my nerves for a few years. Then she passed away----------- I miss her now. Foster that relationship with your kids. It is important. good luck
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Relationships Community
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
