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I live with my boyfriend and we are both in love. Besides I have a far friend who I've had a crush on him since years ago. He sometimes likes or puts comment on my posts.

I'm sure it's a mutual crush. We have been like play hard to get before. I don't want to lose him as a simple friend. He is a valuable person for me. I wanted to finish the crush by meeting him. But I feel from the way he answered me that he is avoiding me, because I am in a relationship. He answers very briefly and doesn't come close. I think I've hurt his pride and he doesn't want to come into a relationship.

How can I make friends with him? and stop the crush? I want to have him as a friend, and I also feel difficult to write to him again, or call him because he answers me the way i feel he is hiddenly avoiding me.

Please advise.
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Good luck.  I know it is hard to let someone go but when emotions are stirred with someone that is suppose to just be a friend, it is asking for trouble and drama.  You don't need that.  Look for other interesting friends where you live as a better bet to keep your current relationship strong.  best wishes.  
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Avatar universal
Thank you a lot.
(Although it's sad for me anyways that I better leave this guy and not have him in closer contact as a friend. I really want to be with my boyfriend because we can live together happily)
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
One other thing.  One way to help yourself remain faithful and give your relationship a chance to go the distance in terms of seriousness and length of time is to not put yourself in situations in which you must fight temptation.  
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, the problem is the crush in general.  When someone has a crush on another, it is almost impossible to be "simple friends".  Maybe if he were completely in love with someone, it would work better.  But I think he is being safe here and I think it is probably the right thing to do.  Have you told your boyfriend that you've had a crush on this guy up until two weeks ago (and he liked you back) and that you are pursuing a friendship with him?  What does he say about it?  Usually, significant others aren't keen on that.

And when one person  has romantic feelings for the other---------- even if it is just friendship and those feelings are deep inside-------- it usually doesn't end well.  Someone gets hurt.  

I'd give this a break and maybe down the road you can take another look at it.  And I don't think he is wanting to participate at this point from the sounds of it.  If he wrote me things from his side, I'd tell him that was a good idea to be honest.  I'd tell him to pursue someone he can actually date and if you cross paths naturally (as in you are both coincidentally at the same place at the same time) then maybe friendship will develop.  But to contrive it at this point may be setting himself up for being hurt.  Not worth it.  good luck

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Avatar universal
Just to mention: We actually don't flirt. We have a far friendship and we have the same ideas about the subjects occur. And both of us are quit serious and not flirtious at all. This is why I liked to convert this crush into a simple friendship so that I don't lose such brillant person, and I can move on from the crush I've had.

Because I have other male friends and my bf also has other female friends which all are simple friends.
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, you can't have a relationship with one man and then a friendship with another that you have had a long time crush on and he on  you.  That really doesn't make sense.  I'm proud of the other guy drawing the line and not being interested in pursuing someone in a relationship.  I think you are confused about what you want.  You say simple friendship but say he has a crush on you and you him.  I know that if I really liked someone and they were in a relationship with someone else, I'd protect my feelings.  I'd also be respectful of the other person they were in a relationship with that they might not find our "friendship" with flirting to be favorable.  That is game playing.  So I think you either break up with your bf now and try to go out with this crush of 8 years, or you cut off contact and focus on your relationship and try to make that meaningful enough that you don't have to flirt with other men and have crushes behind his back.  good luck
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