How can I get BF to sleep in the bed with me again?

[kelleena]

Well we've been in a rocky state, but we've been working on it. Well I have IDK if  he is cause it doesn't seem so. We have a 2 year old who's crib is in our room. We just broke a 3 year no sex no nothing period a few weeks ago. Since then we've had sex 1x and I've given him oral 1x. I always initiate. I haven't changed anything but he recently 1 month today just stopped sleeping in bed room. Always says i'm comfortable here, or I"m good when I ask him to come to bed. Doesn't really give me a reason. This then makes me take our 2 year old in the bed room and get her to sleep. I used to get her to wind down in the living room and then just lay her in her bed. It's stressing doing that every night being stuck in a room with just a TV.  He works early in the morning but that's never bothered me. He's more private now. He hides his phone takes it everywhere. We've already been through the cheating conversation. He's told me we can try to get some alone time to do well you know this weekend. But he said "maybe this weekend". I just want to get him back in bed with me I left him a note saying it makes me feel horrible and alone and cold and he came back to bed for like 4 nights then randomly got a phone call in the middle of the night and since that night has not slept in the bed. How can I get him to come to bed instead of sleeping on the couch.

[AnnieBrooke]

Overall, you're saying you have no options, and he is withdrawn in a way that seems like he has given up.  In short, you've both apparently reached what seem like different stuck points.  When at a stuck point, anything that can be done to shake things up (except fighting) is better than staying at the stuck point.  He won't talk to you about any options to your life as it is right now?

[Life360_Dave]

You answered the question as you feel has have no fear of loosing you but if you put that fear in him he will change 180. Hes bacily used to being with you in a routine situation and needs a wake up call.

[kelleena]

But when I can't just dissapear  how do i do that?

[AnnieBrooke]

Ask your family for bus tickets and go see your mom for a while.

[kelleena]

I can't afford to miss work lol or buy the ticket and no way in hell I am taking a bus to Alabama from California lol. But that's the problem I can't afford to miss work or I can't pay my bills since I live in the most expensive county/state in the US.

[Life360_Dave]

I was the same as your husband and my wife said enough is enough and booked a ticket to visit her family in south america for 2 months. Being alone that long bothered me so i changed out of fear of loosing her.
I would suggest backing away and make him miss you. Hes just being comfortable with his life style and taking you for granted. If you have a famitly in a nother state, maybe book a ticket your self.

[kelleena]

Wish I could afford to just do that lol. I don't know if sending him back to his mom's would be the answer either. But it'd be a good thing because all the nightlife wouldn't be at his fingertips (we live downtown bars clubs etc) But his mom would do everything I do cook etc. I also feel like he has no fear. No fear of loosing me, maybe cause he knows how invested I am in him.

[kelleena]

And BF not husband. I should have done that way instead of the way we did it. We wouldn't even be having this converstaion.

[AnnieBrooke]

Honey, if you are saying you wouldn't put up with this if you didn't have a child together, please think again.  A child, important as he or she is, will not hold a couple together.  You might just have to call it over.

[kelleena]

I am saying if I  was married we wouldn't even be having this conversation.

[AnnieBrooke]

In other words, if you were married, he could behave exactly this way and it would all be all right?

[kelleena]

I am saying if we got MARRIED first then had a kid things would not be this way. Please don't read so into it that is a very small part of any of this.

[AnnieBrooke]

He either sounds depressed or like he has simply given up.  I don't know why.  Maybe he feels like this (living with you, having a child) is not really what he wanted after all.  Have you asked him this?  Or is the entire conversation simply about whether he will come back to bed?  That (not being in bed with you) is a signal, not the problem.  I don't get that he is cheating, I get that he is emotionally not there.

[kelleena]

I agree that's how I feel honestly. He is very closed doesn't like/want to ever talk. Communication is our issue. I am always one bringing things up. He's very stonewalled when I talk to him. He'll never answer those questions just stares into space.