Well, hmm. You sound like you have so much anxiety it has nowhere to settle and so you do things like go through your husband's phone and accuse him of cheating on zero evidence. (You should see the stupid crap my husband's friends send him on his email (though it is more on the political side); this is the way guys "share." He sometimes has me read one that he thinks is funny, it's usually something really basic like a picture of a missile with Osama bin Laden's name painted on it, har har har, good one. About the level an 8th-grader would think is funny. Sounds like the stuff your husband is getting is about the 8th-grade level too.)
I agree with your therapist when she says feeling better about yourself and keeping busy would prevent this kind of thinking, but you are stuck with the childcare (important but not that exciting and challenging) and you don't have any ability to impact the family finances -- in other words, you have a lot of responsibility but no control over your fate and that of your kids, and just have to hope things will turn out OK with the new business. That is enough to drive anyone slightly nuts; at least if it was your own business, you would feel like you could impact its success and therefore your family's financial safety. You're living with your folks and worried about survival, again enough to make you really anxious. So your therapist's advice to keep busy and feel better about yourself is pretty useless unless she feels like finding you a job and a busy schedule so you can feel better about yourself. What you might try (talk to the psychiatrist about this) is a short course of anti-anxiety meds, along with exercise. Both things can help break the pattern of obsessive thoughts. I also think you should cast around for a part-time job. You've got to get out of your parents' house and feel like the master of your fate again. It is really hard to be the wife of an entrepreneur, you will always wonder if it all could disappear tomorrow unless you are a super optimist. You are going to need coping tricks for a long time, and it helps a ton to have a job of your own.
One thing I should also mention is that your refusal to believe your husband is insulting to him. Either the marriage is strong and solid or it is not. If he is intending to stay, he will stay, don't make it so hard on him to want to.
Hi there. Well, sweetie, it does sound to me like your depression and anxiety are clouding your thinking. Here is a man that is working really hard to make something and you are focusing on how busy he is and what that might mean. I do totally agree that guys talk like pigs and it is typically meaningless. You've found nothing to suspect he's cheating. Let it go before you damage your relationship for good.
I think staying home is very noble. I'm glad you are doing that. Not everyone can and it is a gift if you are able. I stayed home with my kids when they were young and I was the mom that everyone knew at school because I volunteered, I planned fun things for my kids and their play mates, I made good friends with other moms at the schools my kids attended. You can find all sorts of fulfilment as a mama, I promise. So, think about how you can connect and fill up your worry time with other things. Do you have a public library near you? I found this to be a fantastic place for myself and my kids. In my city, all the library branches have lots of offerings for the public from music and movement classes for little kids, illustrating classes for older kids, read aloud times for kids, arts and crafts for kids, book clubs for adults, learning about certain subjects with speakers, etc. Pick up a schedule at your closest library and look for these FREE things to do! We hit the library 2 or 3 times a week during my kids toddler/preschool years!
The YMCA is a great family center too. They have different ways they do memberships with a goal that cost will not inhibit people from joining. They have sliding fees often as well as scholarships (mentioning these money saving things because your husband is working hard to get things going and money may be tight for you. It was for me as a stay at home mom). They offer everything under the sun for families. First, you can do the treadmill or take a class while your little ones hang out in the daycare. Second, they have (typically) all sorts of programs for young kids-- we always took a mommy and me fitness class, for example. They offer tumbling, karate, even day care (that you have to pay for but much cheaper than your typical preschool).
Have you ever heard of MOPS? I joined this when my kids were 2 and 3. It's Mother of Preschoolers and typically is run through a church but is not necessary to belong to the church or even go to church to go to it. That's just who hosts it but it is a national organization. Anyway, there are monthly meetings with child care and we would go and there would be a speaker that talked about things mom might care about (topics like organizing the house, juggling kids and house cleaning, how to have more sex with your husband (no joke, they had a sex therapist talk to us about spicing up the bedroom!, ha ha), there was always yummy food that women took turns providing, there was a craft where we made something that wasn't hokey but usually really cute, and then general chit chat time. I made one of my best friends at MOPS. AND, besides the monthly meetings, they usually have 'play groups' where you'll get an email blast that anyone who is available and would like to , meet up at such and such a place (park, zoo, someone's house, etc.). We even did things like a lunch on a Saturday just with the moms while dads met at the park with kids. So, look that up for connection, activities and other moms.
In fact, look up play groups in your area in general.
I didn't want to work when my kids were little because I was already tired and really did want to be with them. So, if you don't want to find a job, think of other ways to be busy. And stay focused on that therapy, taking medicine if you need to, exercise which will release natural 'happy' chemicals, etc. And don't cause trouble in your marriage because of simple anxiety. You've checked up and checked up again on your husband. He's good but he WILL get to a point of being fed up if you keep doing that. Good luck!