Aa
Run down
Hello- I have been with my boyfriend for a year now and im starting to feel run down. I constantly go out of my way to show him how much i care, with little in return. I know how much he cares and loves me so its not a issue and never has been. We have both recently lost our jobs and have been without money. He is very into having money and being able to buy what ever he wants. We have both been searching for jobs but its getting harder and harder.
Money was never an issue in our relationship until now. He wants all these expensive items and i would normally help him but i dont have the money either. He return uses this against me. He is always saying that i dont want to see him improve his life and i dont want to see him do better. he is constantly saying that he doesnt want to sit in the house anymore but out doing something to get money. like taking people places and what not things. He keeps throwing it in my face and making me feel guilty that i dont have the money to help him. He even says things like i guess im going to just have to do it on my own since there is no one else that is out there to be by my side.
Im confused on what to do. I dont understand what im doing wrong or how to show him i can support him even if i dont have money to. Im lost for words and starting to feel run down. Im tired of doing things that i feel benefit him and they dont. Please help me understand what is going on and what i can do to improve our relationship.
Thank you
Money was never an issue in our relationship until now. He wants all these expensive items and i would normally help him but i dont have the money either. He return uses this against me. He is always saying that i dont want to see him improve his life and i dont want to see him do better. he is constantly saying that he doesnt want to sit in the house anymore but out doing something to get money. like taking people places and what not things. He keeps throwing it in my face and making me feel guilty that i dont have the money to help him. He even says things like i guess im going to just have to do it on my own since there is no one else that is out there to be by my side.
Im confused on what to do. I dont understand what im doing wrong or how to show him i can support him even if i dont have money to. Im lost for words and starting to feel run down. Im tired of doing things that i feel benefit him and they dont. Please help me understand what is going on and what i can do to improve our relationship.
Thank you
i totally understand where your coming from. Its kind of like do we do it for our selfs or for us while they do it for themselves kind deal. im so tired of the things that go on in my relationship but i dont know what i would do without him. Maybe you should move back out and stay in the relationship to see how it goes. if its ment to be it will be.
I met this guy 1 1/2 yrs ago. I ha dmy own place and all set up very well. I had intensions of buying a house. 6 months into our relationship he wanted me to move into his house as he had bought himself a house he wanted to enjoy instead of always being at my apt. I told him i was on a yrs lease. However Moms are always right on things...at least i believe. She told me not to move in with him to let it wait and for me to go to his place and see what its like first over there before moving in. I never listened...I moved out of apt and moved in with him. Needless to say hes very lazy in everything...I mean everything....since I hav elived here I do all the chores while he plays his games and plays his games on computer to his game on cell phone. When things don't go right for him he calls me names. We both have good paying jobs, however now laid off. Sometimes it stresses me out to no end with the way he talks to me, but then it blows over with him. I care for him and love him, but deep inside sometimes I feel like bailing out...I was doing just fine when I had my own place.
Thank you guys so much for your advice. This is a really tough time for me to and i would love to be able to say i have someone on my side through out it. I guess im just to afraid to admit what it is and just lay it on the table. I truly love and care for this man and would do anything for him i dont understand why he cant see it. You arent going to ind good women every where and when a man does find one he just treats her like shes just like the rest. I always thought that he valued money more than anything but i thought it was just something he would get over but i see it has gotten worse and i dont know how to control it anymore. I try to explain to him that im honestly in the same boat as him and when i get money its not spending money its for bills and expecially school and its like it goes in one ear and out of the other with him. I feel like Im running in circles trying to find out what im doing wrong but in fact just like you guys said he is the one in the wrong not me. I have to figure this one out and talk to him to see if there is any point in staying in a relationship. thank you guys again!
I don't think that you're doing anything wrong... You're doing the best that you can! Maybe, it's the pressure and insecurity about your current financial situation that has your boyfriend speaking this way. However, it's often during the stressful, difficult and trying times that people show their true character. This guilt-trip that he's laying on you suggests that he's immature, insensitive, selfish and self-pitying. With or without money... your boyfriend should be building up your confidence; not tearing down your spirit and sense of worth. Stand your ground and... don't allow him to bully you and make you feel that you've at fault for the money problems. Tell him to work on his lousy attitude while he's looking for a job... and, tell him that if he's going to be angry with anyone, he should be angry with himself and his own short-comings... and quit picking on you!
Sounds to me like he cares much more about money and material gains than he does you and your relationship together, especially if he's laying guilt on you for not buying him get what he wants. What a jerk.
What does he expect you to do for him, buy him what he wants like a spoiled child?
Seriously, him saying, "I guess im going to just have to do it on my own since there is no one else that is out there to be by my side."
My response would be, "You're darn right you're just gonna have to do it on your own! What do I look like, a slot machine that always hit the jackpot for you? Good grief, you spoiled momma's boy--cry a river why don't you?"
Can't you see that his definition of you "supporting" him is all centered around money, because he wants to do what he likes without having to make any sacrifices or conforming to the reality of the times being that we're in an economic crisis and many people have lost their jobs. Support to him that means being there for each other for encouragement and companionship is entirely foreign to him. It's all about money, especially if he can guilt you into spending what little you have for his desires when you have no income.
I'd dump him.
What does he expect you to do for him, buy him what he wants like a spoiled child?
Seriously, him saying, "I guess im going to just have to do it on my own since there is no one else that is out there to be by my side."
My response would be, "You're darn right you're just gonna have to do it on your own! What do I look like, a slot machine that always hit the jackpot for you? Good grief, you spoiled momma's boy--cry a river why don't you?"
Can't you see that his definition of you "supporting" him is all centered around money, because he wants to do what he likes without having to make any sacrifices or conforming to the reality of the times being that we're in an economic crisis and many people have lost their jobs. Support to him that means being there for each other for encouragement and companionship is entirely foreign to him. It's all about money, especially if he can guilt you into spending what little you have for his desires when you have no income.
I'd dump him.
Your relationship has only been for a year and already you are having these issues. That's not a good sign. The first year should actually be the honeymoon period and if this relationship has got you run down, it will not get any better. You are supposed to support each other in good times and bad, if he can't handle the bad times then he's not really focused on the relationship but on outside issues. I want to say stay and work it out if only there was a real reason to. But I have yet to read what the reason is.
that's awful he's making you feel guilty for not giving him your last nickle. tell him that you want to do things to but you've got bills to pay and food to buy. if he's so desperate to buy expensive things tell him to look harder for that new job.
How do i know im making the right choice? I really think we can make it work we have before, i dont want to give up on something that might be just because we are both stressed out. Do you know what i mean? I have been thinking about this alot and i dont want to lose something that isnt worth going through the pain to lose.
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