Should I Be Worried??

[Asha88]

Should i be worried that my husband doesnt have the desire to have sex with me, i ask him if we can have sex and he always says no he is tired..

i have needs that are not being fulfilled, and im wondering what should i do.. is it possible he is cheating on me?? if so, what other signs should i be looking out for??

[Asha88]

he has been all the things u have listed, but i really dont want to put it down to cheating, so can u think of anything else it might be?

if he is cheating how would i go about asking him?? or how can i find out if he is doing it without asking it?? sorry if this seems a bit rude or intrusive but i really want to know if he is faithful or not. i hope u can understand.

[Asha88]

i have asked him if there is some problem down there that he wants to talk about, but he says nothing is wrong.. i asked him if he wants to see a doc, and still the answer is no. i dont want to put it down to cheating, bcuz thats something i dont think i can deal with. it would hurt me in so many ways that he will never know.

so i want to thank u for ur advice and i will ask again bcuz i need to find out whats going on

[bottlewater]

I hate to say this but he must have been with someone else and if he was it was unprotected and he is worried that he could pass something to you. I am sorry but this what I did when I was unfaithful to my wife. I was distant, sad, mad, cold. I was very disappointed in myself over it. I like to rule everything out first before heading in that direction. Try to have a good heart to heart with him. Boy I wish I didn't want to put this out there but I figured it had to be said.

[mami1323]

Perhaps he has an erectile dysfunction. It sounds to me like this is the case whether its physical or psychological well you will have to get that answer from him. How old is he? I would talk about it again in a gentle fashion. Tell him you miss the closeness and bond you get from intimacy and you would really like to understand why this has become a problem in your marriage. Tell him that if there is something physical going on you will understand but you need answers. Ask for him to go to a doctor with you. If he gets upset then figure out if this is something you can live with. My guess is it isn't and if he can't acknowledge that there is indeed an issue than there is nothing more you can do.

[Asha88]

we have been married for 2 years, our sex life was great we use to have it 4 or 5 days a week, now he doesnt want it for weeks and weeks, sometimes it goes as long as a month..

i tryed all the things u have suggested, even told him we can have sex in the shower.. but he simple says no or he is tired...

i have asked him whats up and he gets really mad and defensive saying things like nothings wrong and he is just tired, and i just give up n stop asking...

i have even gone so far to ask him once if i can buy a sex toy to satisfy me when he wont, but he says no..

i know the sex toy thing might have made he a bit upset, but long ago he suggested buying one.. but now theres no chance..

[bottlewater]

How long have you to been married? You have not said if your se life is slowing down or was going great and it just stopped. If just slowed down I would suggest jumping his bone or better yet provide some stroke or oral sex if he says he to tired or he needs a shower then that is a red flag. There might be something bothering him, just ask him what up is it something I've done are you angry at me? Tell him you want some real honesty here and you are feeling unloved.

[Asha88]

i can go days without sex, because i work night shift and it takes alot out of me, but after a month goes by and no contact from him, kills me..

i mean i understand he might have some stress from work, but i never heard of a man going without sex for that long, usally u hear its the women who doesnt want sex, but in my case its opposite..

anyway i will take ur advice.

thanks!!

[penswriter]

Maybe he really is just tired. i don't have a "job" but I do raise 2 toddlers and there are sometimes dh and I will go days without touching each other aside from a quick kiss simply b/c we're just too exhausted.

If you are really worried he's cheating suggest marriage counseling. If he refuses to go, start going on your own. Even if he doesn't go that doesn't mean you can't learn how to deal with things and know when you're looking to into something.

[Asha88]

he doesnt take any medication, only panadol for a head ache...

he is not depressed or stressed from work, he is always making jokes and at work he acts like a boss but he is not, no one askes him to do any extra work because he pretty much tells them to f*** off...

i have asked him to his face when i found a strange *blurred* picture on his phone, but because its unclear he claims it to be his fingers but i strongly disagree...

when i asked whats wrong or if he is cheating he gets really angry and defensive...

i just dont know what to do or think... :(

[teko]

I would rule out other possibilities before reaching that conclusion. Is he on any medication for any medical conditions? Is he depressed, stressed, or have you had problems in the marriage that would make him standoffish? Does he work alot?  If none of these apply, I would flat out ask him what the problem is, if he refuses to talk or communicate with you, then I would start wondering about the other.