This is so unlike me, but I have been driving myself crazy for a long time now and I really need help.
I have a great boyfriend- he is the best communicator I have met, we have a great friendship, love and respect for one another. We have fun and he is reliable, honest, committed, a hard worker, a gentleman... We have great chemistry on top of it all... And, he is very good with my daughter (he has 2 older children and I get along great with them too). So yeah, so many great things. On the other hand, he is more of a realistic/practical/logic minded man, who isn't very supportive or enthusiastic or positive minded. I struggle a great deal with all of that because I am pretty much the opposite in those ways... I often times feel like I'm being weighed down instead of being lifted up and inspired to be a better person. He teases a lot and I can't help but feel it is a way to "soften" his criticisms. A passive aggressive sort of thing. But... There are those other wonderful qualities he has! Ugh! Whenever I bring things up to him he listens, and he really makes some changes and is willing to do the work. Yet, I know I can't change his personality and so I have my work to do in accepting him for who he is (which I do, most of the time...).
Very important to mention here is that this is the first real relationship I've had since a recent divorce (we started dating while I was in the process... It was a longggg process...). I am and have been struggling tremendously with trying to find my own ground/stability, new career (I had been a stay home mom), etc. and it is so difficult to do this while in the midst of trying to make a relationship work. I do feel I have "lost" myself and am working so hard to recover what I have lost. I am also a single mother and am trying to get my health back on track so I also feel frustrated that I don't have enough time to myself - yet, I am not so sure the answer is not having anyone in my life either. How is one suppose to balance all of these things- how is one suppose to "find themselves" with so much going on in their life?
I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place! I don't know if this relationship is really not right for me (our personality differences...), or if it is just me, and/or my circumstances causing my anxiety and apprehension- that maybe this is something that could be worked through- maybe it will just take time. I don't want to let go of a really good thing, but yet I am not sure if maybe this is really wrong for me and I am blaming it on my current situation...? Is that confusing? Lol. On the other hand, is this possibly just a case of bad timing and there isn't any way around it? Do you think I really need more time on my own to figure out my own sh$t first?
Many times I feel I really need to break it off so I can concentrate on myself (and my daughter), but then there are other times I am so grateful he is in my life. Relationships take time and a lot of work- I give a lot because that's who I am, but maybe I shouldn't be doing that right now. I just don't know what to do... He, by the way, is happy and content... I've tried to just stay on the moment and enjoy- it works for a while... But my thoughts of uncertainty keep creeping back up over and over. I've always been the type to believe that when you know, you just know, but this has been something I've never experienced before, and well, I really don't know one way or the other! (And I also have no desire to get married again anytime soon).
Any helpful insight/advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance...