Should i bother about my guy's career and personal life to marry him?

[niru02]

I am a 22yr old and committed with a guy, 23yr old for about 6 years now. Like every love, we have had the sweetest times together.Now that i am an upcoming fashion designer, having my own brand, I am very much confused because my guy is still waiting to finish his UG arrears. He had a lot of family problems,distractions during his school exams, and hence failed to fair well, went to a bad college, and still striving hard to finish his degree. I feel, he is very much depressed and tensed about himself and our life together. He was ambitious to get into acting, but 6yrs ago, he met with a major accident, and lost his self confidence and courage, and feels that his facial features have gone bad with stitches, and from then started drinking. He seems like his interest with life is over.He doesn't have economic support from his family too. Then and there, he will get into a job and will quit the job for some reason.I love him every bit, and can't imagine a life without him.I need him back.... The first year of our love, when i was in my 12th, nd him in his 1st year, everything was fine.He was cheerful, happy, caring and affectionate.Now everything changed.Should i bother about my guy's career and personal life to marry him?I am confident that i will earn well for our living...but,However my plans was to inform my parents about our love, when he settles. Nothing so happened... I have not discussed about this to any one. I dont want any one to under estimate my guy.. I am still waiting for him, to figure out his part . Pls advise... totally confused...I need to get my guy back

[specialmom]

I am very practical when it comes to choosing someone to marry.  Choosing a life partner with the same financial goals, same attitude about life and ambition, etc. were very important to me.  I wouldn't have married someone that I doubted their ability to be a financial contributor to my expectations.  Was that most important?  No.  But it was on the list and I didn't ignore anything on my list.  

So, until he is stabilized, I wouldn't consider moving this relationship any farther along the spectrum.  And it does sometimes happen that two people with different sets of work ethic, etc. have to call it quits because they don't meet each other's long term plans.  

I needed a man in a strong career and who had lots of ambition.  I wouldn't have settled for less.  I found I never had to settle because with so many people in the world, it is worth waiting for someone that can meet the needs on your list.  

good luck

[TTinKKerBBell]

You say in Your last line that You are waiting for Him to figure out His part.  Continue to do that!!   Until He has figured out His part You should not marry.....  Until You "get Your guy back", You should not marry!!.  

With all due respect, "For Better or Worse" doesn't always 'cut it' when You are 'in it'.

I cannot verbalize this better than did AnnieBrooke.  I ditto what She said.

Good Luck

[AnnieBrooke]

It takes a guy with strong self-esteem to be married to a woman who is a success when he is not.  Men believe they should be the leader in the family, and built into their belief system from childhood is that they should be the provider.  If your guy is strong, he will not want to be your sponge, or ride on your glory.  I think if you are going on to a promising career it is going to be depressing for him by contrast, and he will feel more like a failure than he might feel even with his history, if he didn't have your bright success as a contrast to his lack of it.

That said, one suggestion I have is that there are wonderful and interesting character roles to play as an actor, as the villain or the sidekick.  If he is not entirely focused on playing the hero to the extent that he does not want to try, he should begin to broaden his scope to take on villain roles.  It would be very interesting to see a handsome but scarred person with a great deal of depth, playing a villain onscreen.  There are a lot of actors working full time who are totally not matinee-idol handsome.  They may not be the first name on the marquee, but they are the ones who get one job after another and never have to wonder where the next role is coming from.

Anyway, if his drinking is fueled by his depression, and his depression comes from blows life has sent his way, unless he can find a way to pull himself out of it, being with you is not going to make things better.  He should seek a counselor or therapist, and should make some step-by-step plans to get back on track.  If he cannot or won't, I am afraid your love will not be enough.  You cannot help being who you are, and should not have to hide your light under a basket to make him artificially pumped up.  This is his path and his choice, and you need to tell him he has to decide if he wants to try to save it.

[BluCrystal]

Is this love strong enough to withstand depression in your guy?  The fact that he likes to drink?  The possibility that his carreer may spin down the drain?  His low self-esteem due to facial features?  You have to ask yourself honestly these things and more, and be honest with yourself.  A marriage is not two people who happen to live together.  It is complicated and deep, and requires work to keep things going right.  Are you ready to stand by him when literally all else fails, for the rest of your LIFE?  THINK.  And go from there.  Blessings - Blu

[Life360_Dave]

Hi and welcome. Marriage is about love and commitment "for better for worse, for richer for poorer till death do us part". If you love him and he loves you then my advise is to marry.