Aa
So unhappy anymore
I've been with my husband for 6 years (married for 3 of those). We have 2 children, a cat and a dog. I'm a stay at home mom and really I do love it most of the time.
But lately, for whatever reason I'm just not happy. I'm sad, moody and get irritated rather easily and for no reason inparticular. My husband is a wonderful man. He's very attentive to my needs, helps with the kids and loves me. And I love him more than I have ever loved anyone.
But I'm just sad. I'll be happy and then turn around and just start crying.
Any advice? Divorce isn't an option. Neither of us wants that. I do know it's hurting him to see me this way and I haven't always been like this. Before I got pregnant (And I'm not blaming the kids. We wanted them, we tried for them and they are our lives. They're my entire world.) I was always happy, laughing and fun to be around. Not anymore.
But lately, for whatever reason I'm just not happy. I'm sad, moody and get irritated rather easily and for no reason inparticular. My husband is a wonderful man. He's very attentive to my needs, helps with the kids and loves me. And I love him more than I have ever loved anyone.
But I'm just sad. I'll be happy and then turn around and just start crying.
Any advice? Divorce isn't an option. Neither of us wants that. I do know it's hurting him to see me this way and I haven't always been like this. Before I got pregnant (And I'm not blaming the kids. We wanted them, we tried for them and they are our lives. They're my entire world.) I was always happy, laughing and fun to be around. Not anymore.
I'm no doctor but I think it is possible that a chemical imbalance ca be around for 3 years or more. If it is undiagnosed and nothing has changed, where would it go. I've heard of thyroid disorders and numerous other things that cause what your feeling, but I honestly feel as if it lies within the realms of a depression disorder.
With my particular disorder, it was like a switch.... feeling fine, everything is good, then a bad mood walks in. There were no identifying triggers to the mood swings, and these bouts of depression could last hours to months. Just getting diagnosed with an issue was somewhat gratifying.... at least I knew something was wrong in my head. Being put on a different diet, changing my daily routines a bit and a pill a day made the world of change.
With my particular disorder, it was like a switch.... feeling fine, everything is good, then a bad mood walks in. There were no identifying triggers to the mood swings, and these bouts of depression could last hours to months. Just getting diagnosed with an issue was somewhat gratifying.... at least I knew something was wrong in my head. Being put on a different diet, changing my daily routines a bit and a pill a day made the world of change.
After talking with my husband again, I'm calling to make an appointment with my PCP this week.
I'm going to see what she has to say and what she would recommend. She's been my PCP for a long time and I do trust her more than other doctors. I'm hoping maybe it's just a hormone imbalance from having the kids and it's just making my body all wacky. But would it still be out of wack after 3 years?
I'm going to see what she has to say and what she would recommend. She's been my PCP for a long time and I do trust her more than other doctors. I'm hoping maybe it's just a hormone imbalance from having the kids and it's just making my body all wacky. But would it still be out of wack after 3 years?
For what it's worth, I think your primary care physician is a perfect place to start. You've already developed a working relationship with this person and knowing you the way he/she does, can probably diagnose what kind of depression you are suffering from and match you up with a great therapist.
My depression was diagnosed by my primary care physician. I came totally clean with him, he had me take a test (which proved me to be severely depressed) and suggested I get help. Being the typical hard headed guy I am, I didn't get any help until I jeopardized almost everything I've ever loved.
Speak with your PC physician. Simple tests and a general observation can be made, perhaps followed with more testing to find a potential chemical inbalance.... but your PC can handle all of that.
My depression was diagnosed by my primary care physician. I came totally clean with him, he had me take a test (which proved me to be severely depressed) and suggested I get help. Being the typical hard headed guy I am, I didn't get any help until I jeopardized almost everything I've ever loved.
Speak with your PC physician. Simple tests and a general observation can be made, perhaps followed with more testing to find a potential chemical inbalance.... but your PC can handle all of that.
A cousin of mine (her boys are close in age to my boys) is in a MOPS group. She talked to me briefly about it, but we both got busy with kids getting sick (Once it starts it makes it's way through everybody here...it was 2 months of somebody being sick in the house.) and we didn't get to finish the conversation (we don't get much phone time and usually chat via facebook and email) and we both completely forgot about it.
I'll have to ask her about her group and where it's at. (She doesn't live too far from me but far enough that we don't see each other often.)
I'll have to ask her about her group and where it's at. (She doesn't live too far from me but far enough that we don't see each other often.)
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi, I think some of these ladies really gave you excellent advice. You describe symptoms of depression and not a bad marriage. A good place to start is with your PC and they might make a referrel. I'd start with a therapist and eventually, they may suggest some medication to help. Antidepressents these days are so much better than they use to be and can help if indeed you have depression. Talk therapy and medication are the standard of care for depression these days.
I think too, from one stay at home mom to another, that it is essential to have those outside relationships the other ladies speak of. Look up MOPS in your area (MOTHERS OF PRESCHOOLERS) as it is a great organinations. It is often run through churches but you don't have to be a member of the church or even religious to join. It is basically a social group for mom's with babysitting provided. They meet officially once a month usually in the morning and have a speaker, food, talk time, sometimes a craft, etc. Then they set up play groups and other activities. I met one of my closest friends at mops in my area. My kids are not preschoolers anymore-------- but I'm still pals with those moms I met then. Kindermusik is another great way to meet people. They do mom and kids classes. I did both a family class as I have two boys that are 15 months apart in age and then when my older son went to preschool 2 mornings a week, I did a class just with me and my younger son. Met other families to do things with there as well. Libraries are also a great place to do kids activities and meet other families that live close to you.
I'd explore what things you like to do outside being mommie as well. Go to the gym and take an exercise class if you would like or get into your gardening or whatever. But do some grown up things without kids too on your own.
Hang in there. YOu sound quite bright and I'm hoping this gets sorted out for you. Peace.
I think too, from one stay at home mom to another, that it is essential to have those outside relationships the other ladies speak of. Look up MOPS in your area (MOTHERS OF PRESCHOOLERS) as it is a great organinations. It is often run through churches but you don't have to be a member of the church or even religious to join. It is basically a social group for mom's with babysitting provided. They meet officially once a month usually in the morning and have a speaker, food, talk time, sometimes a craft, etc. Then they set up play groups and other activities. I met one of my closest friends at mops in my area. My kids are not preschoolers anymore-------- but I'm still pals with those moms I met then. Kindermusik is another great way to meet people. They do mom and kids classes. I did both a family class as I have two boys that are 15 months apart in age and then when my older son went to preschool 2 mornings a week, I did a class just with me and my younger son. Met other families to do things with there as well. Libraries are also a great place to do kids activities and meet other families that live close to you.
I'd explore what things you like to do outside being mommie as well. Go to the gym and take an exercise class if you would like or get into your gardening or whatever. But do some grown up things without kids too on your own.
Hang in there. YOu sound quite bright and I'm hoping this gets sorted out for you. Peace.
Hi .. Agree alot with the other people ... I only have one child but when she was younger it helped to talk to other moms , but I think I'd talk to my dr about the mirena ... Hope things work out :)
What would a divorce do besides cause even more problems, that doesnt make sense. You speak highly of your husband and that advice is just stupid. Besides how are you supposed to raise those kids after you divorce when you are a stay at home mom. Divorce opens up a whole new can of worms.
Two things from the little tht you posted. You could be having a serious bout of depression, hormone fluctuations, or might just need to add something to your life for you only. Adult time, me time, a hobby of some sort, make a few friends and a good way to do that is to see if a moms group is active in your area and you can check that on the computer. That is a way for the kids and you to get to know other moms in your situation. And if these are friends telling you to divorce, lose em. They are not your friends.
Two things from the little tht you posted. You could be having a serious bout of depression, hormone fluctuations, or might just need to add something to your life for you only. Adult time, me time, a hobby of some sort, make a few friends and a good way to do that is to see if a moms group is active in your area and you can check that on the computer. That is a way for the kids and you to get to know other moms in your situation. And if these are friends telling you to divorce, lose em. They are not your friends.
Primary care (my regular doc)
I may have to search around for playgroups in my area and mom groups to join. I really hope that's my whole problem...I just don't have friends anymore. lol
I may have to search around for playgroups in my area and mom groups to join. I really hope that's my whole problem...I just don't have friends anymore. lol
Well, I don't know what your "PC" means, but if you don't know any other moms, that's the problem and where you need to start. Find other moms through playgroups, playgym, the park, children's museum playgroups, church playgroups, etc. It's easy to meet other moms of preschoolers, they're all reaching out for company. Go to the pool during kid swim. Library during story time for toddlers. It's the most easy time you'll have connecting with others who want to connect, since you were a freshman in college. Everyone is wanting to connect.
Actually no I don't know many other moms. Some of my friends are but the majority of them live in other states or work full time.
A lot of people have told me divorce. Which I thought was nuts, but they kept pointing out that I'd just make the both of us miserable. Both of us have talked and agreed neither of us wants a divorce. Despite my horrendous mood swings we are happy with one another.
I had the Mirena for almost 2 years (which is when we both noticed my moods changing) and I had it taken out. It got better for a while, and actually is a lot better than before (I was pretty much an unbearable b!tch when I had the Mirena in) but I'm still not me. I honestly hate feeling like this.
I've been thinking about therapy or something along those lines but I don't even know what kind of therapist to go to. I did an online search of therapists in my area and...holy geez there are a ton. lol. More than I thought there were and each one specializes in a million different things. I was thinking about talking to my PC about it.
A lot of people have told me divorce. Which I thought was nuts, but they kept pointing out that I'd just make the both of us miserable. Both of us have talked and agreed neither of us wants a divorce. Despite my horrendous mood swings we are happy with one another.
I had the Mirena for almost 2 years (which is when we both noticed my moods changing) and I had it taken out. It got better for a while, and actually is a lot better than before (I was pretty much an unbearable b!tch when I had the Mirena in) but I'm still not me. I honestly hate feeling like this.
I've been thinking about therapy or something along those lines but I don't even know what kind of therapist to go to. I did an online search of therapists in my area and...holy geez there are a ton. lol. More than I thought there were and each one specializes in a million different things. I was thinking about talking to my PC about it.
I don't know why divorce is even on your table, from your perspective (not his, I would get that) since he seems fine and you seem to have a mood disorder of some kind.
It sounds like you need to find a psychiatrist and check in to anti depressants.
Are you involved with lots of other moms with kids? If not, first step is to get out and find a network of mothers and children. This can be the best time of your life.
It sounds like you need to find a psychiatrist and check in to anti depressants.
Are you involved with lots of other moms with kids? If not, first step is to get out and find a network of mothers and children. This can be the best time of your life.
You might be suffering from some sort of depression. The best advice I can give is to try to get to the root of why you might be unhappy or what may be causing you to be unhappy. Only then can you fix it.
Do you socialize w/ other moms? I think the hardest thing and biggest complaint I hear from stay at home moms is the lack of adult socialization. So, if you aren't getting much of that, I'd look into some play groups where you can socialize w/ other SAHMs. Maybe look into some Mother's Day Out programs so you can have some time just for you.
Back to the depression thing....might even look in to maybe some type of counseling. Couldn't hurt.
I hope you feel better soon and I wish I could have been of more help.
Do you socialize w/ other moms? I think the hardest thing and biggest complaint I hear from stay at home moms is the lack of adult socialization. So, if you aren't getting much of that, I'd look into some play groups where you can socialize w/ other SAHMs. Maybe look into some Mother's Day Out programs so you can have some time just for you.
Back to the depression thing....might even look in to maybe some type of counseling. Couldn't hurt.
I hope you feel better soon and I wish I could have been of more help.
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