HELP!!

[nala10]

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of almost a year. It was an unhealthy relationship, partly due to his addiction to pain medicine. He got to where he was taking over 10 pills at a time, and I had never been around this stuff before so I never knew what to do about it. I told him he needed to talk to someone to get help, but he said if anyone found out--particularly his parents--he would kill himself. This put me in an unthinkable situtation. Either way I have a fear something is going to happen to me. What should I do?!?

[specialmom]

Hi.  Well, my first priority here is protecting YOU.  You need to tell your parents everything including his threat of killing himself, his ability to become violent and that there is a chance (even if it is slight) that he could come after you, and his heavy drug abuse.  Lay it out for them.  Get their support for you and help.  

Second, I'd call the police.  Okay, don't flip when I say that.  It is a drastic step.  But-----  if someone has threatened suicide and is in possession of massive amounts of pills, this is big stuff.  How does he get his pills?  Probably illegally.  Let me just say that being arrested would be a good thing for him.  It would force the issue to look into his mental health issues and addiction.  You can do all of this with a phone call and tell them that you are scared for him and scared for you.  Just get advice.  Police in my city get these calls and can be very helpful.  Even if they do not pick him up or try to intervene in any way, you may get some very good advice.  You can even take the route of not giving them the info as to exactly who he is until after talking to them.  But I do think you need some professional advice here.  

Does he see a psychiatrist?  A psychiatrist can not give you any information due to Hippa unless you are listed as someone they may talk to----------- but you can call that office and give them the heads up that they have a suicidal patient with a serious drug problem.  Let me just tell you, where I was employed, the doctors act on such information.  I've been in a building that was locked down due to suicidal people trying to leave.  If a doctor feels someone is a danger to themselves or others, they must act.

I'd call a suicide prevention hot line as well and ask for advice on this situation.  

His parents are tricky.  What I am reading between the lines is that you think they'll just say you are wrong, go to him and then your worst nightmare of what will happen will happen.  I get that.   It is unfortunate that their attitude will not help their son.  I'm sure they don't want him dead.  

I would tell you to just walk away.  Try to extricate yourself from the situation as best you can.  But I know you are fearful of doing so because of what he might do.  That is terrible for you and I am so sorry.  I think that you can make some of these calls and do your best for help.  After that, find a way to exit the situation.  This is dangerous for you, I'm afraid.  

And if the fear and danger increases, you just go on vacation for a bit.  Okay?  You come first and you must be safe.  I'm not trying to be dramatic here.  But he is taking massive amounts of pills at at time and threatening violence.  This is not to be taken lightly for your safety.  Okay, peace and hope for you and let us know what happens.  

[cheshchesh819]

The way i see it is that you have broken up with him,which was the only thing you could have done,and whilst i know you really want to help him,unfortunately unless he wants help there is not alot you can do about it,if his parents cant see that he aint the perfect angle that they think he is then hopefully they will one day,but until then i would steer clear of the whole situation,if he has a temper with you i would inform the police everytime he tries with his threats,but i would just keep as much distance between you him and his family,i know you are worried and scared but like i said until he is willing to admit his problem and ask for help i feel there is nothing more you can do,he is his parents problem now,i wish you luck and hope you can move on from this.

[nala10]

I'm sorry, when I typed "me," I meant to type "him." But either way, I'm scared something will happen to him, but also me bc he can get very violent with his anger. I want to tell his parents, but they are the type that think he does no wrong and whenever there is a problem, it is always everybody's else fault. It is also very hard for them to control him. It is very serious, and I feel like I should have done something before now but I was clueless, and now so much has built up. My own parents know to an extent everything that has gone on. I am just in a bind on what to do because either way, I know his reaction will be very bad.

[specialmom]

Well, this is a very bad situation.  First, you did the right thing in breaking up with him as he is pretty heavy into his addiction and that is no way to live being tied to that.  It is painful to watch someone killing themselves slowly.  Secondly, I suspect that your boyfriend suffers clinical depression.  If you feel that he is indeed suicidal and that he'd carry through on his threat to kill himself if his parent's knew about his drug problem, then you actually have to tell them.  I'd tell them as well about his suicide threat.  He sounds like he needs some inpatient psychiatric care, to be honest.  This is serious stuff.  I'd meet privately with his parents and tell them what is going on.  When you say something is going to happen to you, are you afraid he may harm you as well?  That is a whole other story.  You must take care of yourself and if he is volatile to that extent, you must tell the police to protect yourself.  Heck, I'd move out of town temporarily.  Is that an option?

So, I think the relationship is right to end.  But I agree what to do now that it has ended is difficult.  I'd meet with his parents and tell them about the suicide threat, the drugs and if you are afraid for yourself.  And if you are afraid for yourself, you get a plan together to protect yourself.  Move, move in with parents, get a restraining order, don't go out alone or at night, etc.   That all stinks, but if he is psychotic and on drugs, you must be very careful.

You need to start telling people about this in your life. Do your own parents know?