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UNsure About Marriage.... Scared of the Unknown...
Im 23 F engaged to the most caring, polite, respectful, loving, sweet, cute guy... we been together for 6yrs we r highschool sweet hearts... i havent dated anyone but him... and his my best friend i tell him anything, and i feel secure and i feel loved by him 100%... i really care for him, and i love him... But im those kind of people that before i make a decision i always make sure i wount make a mistake... Right now in very scared and nervous... i been thinking if i should marry him... or thinking maybe im missing out on something... i haven been single... and i guess now im thinking if we should go our part ways... LIke they say the grass look greener on the other side.... but if i do I WILL LOOSE him and Regret!!!! my parents got divorced and i Dont want to get a divorced but i dont know the future... I guess im asking what made you KNOW this one is THe ONE... An my friends have told me i have something all girls are looking for when single... (irony) what Are yout thoughts.... Please any ideas... thanks.
Best Answer
Reading the posts, I have to ask... are you trying to talk yourself in or out of this relationship? Are you looking for a way out? Another way to look at it- it is normal to doubt anything that is lifechanging.. simply because it is lifechanging. If the doubt isn't really doubt but rather you trying a "polite" way to move on, it is a different situation. What I would do is reflect without help or opinion of others why you've been with him for 6 years and what would you change if he isn't what you want. If you are looking for another him with the exitement of a new relationship added in, then you should get past this "doubt/feeling" that you have. If he isn't what you want in a lifetime committed husband because of personality, difference in raising a family, or difference in how you two would live your lives, then you should let him go. My parents were divorced too, at first I was worried about it happening to my kids then I realized I cannot speak for my wife, only me. I made a committment to God first then the woman I love, finally my kids.. I will not leave and have to trust her for the same. Whatever you do, don't make a bad choice just so you can "live a little" then regret that the rest of your life. I really hope the best for you!
Yea ive talk to him about it and well it didnt go well... he was upset and VERY SAD... saying that im the love of his life and that he didnt want to loose me... so it made me feel very bad cause thats the last thing i want to do is hurt his feelings... but i think i shount sacrifice just to make him happy... i want to be happy too and when i marry i want to be 100 sure the person im marring i want to be a life time... i feel the longer i wait the harder it will get... There is no easy way out... We havent talk about wedding plans cause i dont bring it up... i dont want to... i REALLY want to LOVE him like before but i dont... :( my parents got divorced when i was 9yrs... it was hard for me... so i really want to marry someone im more than sure... and feel happy that im making a commitment to my partner for a life time... and not finding excuses not too...
THanks so much for your response and yea i bet that girl was sorry for letting you go... and yea it is hard even think to let him go but at the same time is hard for me because i shount have second guessing on this... i get fustrated cause he deserves to be happy and i dont want to hurt him... but i dont htink is fair for me to wonder what IF all my life!!!!! i Wish So bad i just knew 100% that this is what i really want to do... but im not sure... and going out for 6yrs with one person and not date with anyone else is hard... like i havent seen whats on the otherside... i feel as im been selfish feeling like this...
My concern is if you have doubts now, what about after the wedding? Can you let him know you are nervous about it? It is normal to be afraid but if you are not sure do not rush it. It is hard now a days and if you come from a broken family, I can see why you fear that. Maybe the two of you should get some pre marital counsel. It could help.
Hi there! I understand how you feel sometimes not knowing what will happen drives us insane but as you said he is your best friend if you don't get married you will never move ahead, you have been in the relationship for 6 years it's time for progression dear and marriage is exactly that. It's a beautiful thing not because so many people have broken up that hasnt changed. Trust your love!
It's always kind of funny the romantic movies women love all have exactly what you have. 30 to 40 years ago it would've been considered a fairy tale marriage.. and should be today. I was once what your fiancee is now and the young lady in question decided to try other fields. She later (a year and a little) found that I had met a young lady in my church and was engaged to be married, she called and tried to get me to marry her instead. I did not as I felt if she left once, she would again. Ultimately it is a life changing decision either way. My advise is don't throw away perfect for what may only be a possibility.
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