should i leave my girlfriend ?

[adam2013]

hi,
    me and my girlfriend have been together scene high school. in school she was my dream girl, we where both like punk kids super skinny jeans, vans shoes and band T-shirits. we both did art and listen to the same bands. when we started collage i fell into a really deep depression and had thought of suicide she could not talk it and left we got back together about a year ago and thing were great  and recent she has started to change. she stop wearing band t-shirts, skinny jeans and vans shoe and has started dressing like a cowgirl you know the boots, the boot cut paints and not band t's. also she stop doing anything sexual with me and she tells me she " feels old " and that her reason for not want to have sex or do anything. she tells me to grow up but i'm only in ht early 20' i still feel young and full of energy. i am started to feel depressed again and i just don't know what to do.

[AnnieBrooke]

Just to amplify NG's comments -- my sister married a charming boy when she was in her 20s, and went on to finish her master's degree while they lived in a 200-year-old farmhouse and chopped their own wood and all that fun, creative stuff.  She then got a good job that she loved.  Then they got a divorce.  When I asked her why (we all liked her husband), she said, "He just isn't ambitious."  And (he has stayed in the family orbit) that's pretty true.  After he finished his BA degree, he went to work at a respectable job that he liked pretty well, and over the years has turned down all offers to get promoted.  (He was satisfied with his earning level and with the work, and simply didn't want the stress.)  My sister later married a more financially upcoming guy, who has started several businesses and is getting consulting fees for his expertise, and they live in a high-rise condo while she works for a well-respected arts organization.  She and her first husband are still friends, there was no rancor in the breakup.  (He's married again as well.)  

Point is, some people don't have the same long-term plans or even the same approach to life as others, and when they partner up, in time this can become clear.  This doesn't mean you have to fight with your girlfriend or call her wrong for who she is, any more than you would call yourself wrong for who you are.  But you might come to a parting of the ways just in the natural course of events.  

[Londres70]

Again.....agree with NG.

BTW:  Having material things doesn't and can't give you peace of mind.

Best thing to do is let this go and focus on you and your life especially with your depression issues.  

All the best.

[nursegirl6572]

So then you went to college?  What did you study?  Do you own your own home, or do you rent?  Live with relatives?

I think you kind of missed my point.  It just seems as if your GF is maturing a little faster than you, which happens, everyone matures at a different rate.  That's not to say you're immature, but either way, when people are at different maturity levels and want different things, and grow apart from the things they used to have in common, it's time to reevaluate the relationship, which based on your question here, you're clearly doing.

It seems as though this relationship has run its course.  My advice would be to move on.  Just my opinion.

[adam2013]

i have a job a very good one at that i live in a nice house and have everything i could every want witch really is't much

[adam2013]

we are the same age

[nursegirl6572]

I agree with the gals above completely.  It sounds as though you two are just growing into people who just don't have the same things in common as you used to, which is totally normal.  It's VERY hard to maintain a HS relationship through college.  Many things happen, people change and grow, and want to experience new things.  I think you need to take a real honest look at this relationship.  Just because it's something you KNOW and are used to, doesn't mean it fits in your life the same way it did, and the same goes for her.

It honestly sounds to me as though she's trying to tell you that you've grown apart, which I would agree with.  Getting over a long term relationship isn't easy for sure, but you will get over it.  

What are YOU doing with your life?  Are you in college?  Do you work?  Where do you live?  At home?  It sounds like maybe it's time to start putting a little more effort and focus into your future, versus being young and carefree.  You can still be young, and social and have fun, but you need to start learning how to balance that with your real life responsibilities.  Of course you are young, but you're also now an adult, which means being responsible and growing up a little.  And I don't say that to be mean at all, everyone has to grow up at some point, and if you've ever known people who never really did, their lives usually aren't very fulfilling.  They continue to live at home, they don't have any goals, and don't care too much about being successful in life.  That's not a good way to live.

I also agree that you need to address your depression as well.  It sounds like you're kind of stuck in a rut, and while you claim to like what you're doing, your depression could be making you lack motivation to get started on your future.  So, you stick with what you KNOW and are comfortable with, which is continuing to act like you did in HS.

I wish you the very best, take care!

[Londres70]

I would say let this go.  You met her as a teenage girl and now she is a maturing woman.  It's not per se "you don't know her anymore," but that she is a woman vs. a girl now.

[Londres70]

For starts, I think you should address your depression issues first and foremost with therapy and medication if necessary if you haven't done that yet.  Your emotional and mental well-being is important.  

Secondly, sounds like your girlfriend is growing up.  What was cool as a teenager isn't appealing to her now rather it be clothing or whatever.  That is a part of maturing.  To add, sounds like you two are going in different directions.  

How old is your gf?

[adam2013]

sorry i forgot add that she changed how she acts and its like i don't even know who she is anymore

[AnnieBrooke]

You're in your early 20s and you are pointing out her clothes as proof that you two should be together or not be together?  Perhaps it is time to let her find a guy who is as 'old' as she is.