Should i cheat?

[Njsweetnlight]

This is a weird question because automatically I would say NO to anyone who asked that question!!! But now that I am in the situation I feel lost and alone. My husband doesn't work but only 2 days a week and spends all his free time on the computer downstairs or playing video games. I am pregnant working full time and when I come home I go upstairs to clean,wash clothes, do my homework and sit around and he stays occupied all night. I get home around 2:00 in the afternoon and he didn't come to bed until 2:30 in the morning and now I can't sleep because I am depressed. The same thing will happen tomorrow and the next day, I come home from work, he's on the computer I go upstairs and he will come up after I go to bed. He complains he is bored but I say to him how do you think I feel, I am pregnant can't do anything and we don't have money because I am the only one working my butt off to pay the bills before the baby is born. I now have been thinking of going online to chat with other guys but that is considered cheating but I am so lonely and have no one, no family, no friends I hang with, no one at all and wish I had someone to talk to, rub my feet that hurt, rub my back,help me in anyway. I know it's crazy but I don't see it getting any better when the baby comes, the only difference is that I will have someone to be there for me and spend time with because she will need my attention. I just want out and don't know what to do because I don't want a child into this world again and get a divorce.

[Amberjack07]

Cheating is not the answer though.

[Amberjack07]

If your unhappy in ur relationship, end it. I def wouldnt put up with my husband sitting on his butt all day while I work to supourt him and on top of that being preg!!! Thats insane to me!

Sit down and talk to him about it, tell him how you feel and if things dont change, im sorry to say.. They never will. Coming from someone who had to deal with divorced parents growing up, its best to do it when the child is young.

[mami1323]

I am a bit confused as to how your answer to this situation would be to cheat?  This is your husband and obviously the communication isn't there.  If you're unhappy with the situation then you either leave it or you have a serious heart to heart with him about how to resolve these issues in your marriage.  It would not be ok for my husband to sit playing video games when I'm a full time worker.  He would have to pull his weight with the household duties.  No reason why he can't clean, cook and take care of the responsibilities that surround being at home.  Cheating will not solve these issues, in fact it will add even more problems.  Let's say you do meet someone, you think it will be that easy just to jump into a new relationship with a baby and a husband who may not be too thrilled with your new relationship?  What about visitation rights for the father.  You really need to figure out where this marriage is going.  Especially before the baby is born.  Once that child comes, there will be even more stress, especially if you are caring for the baby alone.  

[Londres70]

Cheat....hmmmm...NO.  Making boundaries with your husband....YES.  

Why drag someone else into your world of drama?  Will only complicate things dear.  

[specialmom]

What you suggest is simply a band aid on a bad situation and does absolutely nothing to address it.  

You are a girl that can take care of business.  You are holding down the fort financially, taking care of the home, and baking a baby--------  pretty much all by yourself.  You feel confident that you can take care of yourself.  This gives you inner strength for the future and is a good and powerful position to be in.  Don't mess that up by 'chatting' with guys which is a weakling thing to do.

Sit your husband down and lay it out.  He is to work full time, period.  He is to become a contributing member of this union emotionally.  He is to spend time with you.  He has a child on the way and you are very worried about his ability to parent this child.  Tell him that you expect these changes to be made and would like the two of you to see a counselor together (find one and GO!).  If he chooses to ignore you or become angry, you just start planning.  YOu aren't trapped.  You can make arrangements to live elsewhere.  You are supporting yourself and I'm sure not expecting him to provide child care at this point (some families will have a stay at home dad while the mother brings home the money----  but he doesn't sound like he'd be able to handle this workload)----  so you have arrangements for that in place, etc.  

Here is the thing though-------  you have to take resonsibility for your own life.  You married this guy.  You got pregnant with him, a 2 day a week worker, addicted gamer/computer guy, and someone who ignores you and your life together-----  you must have ignored the signs.  And NOW you are contemplating cheating as a way to make yourself feel better.  I would really think about how you yourself contribute to the problems in your life.  That is the only way I know of to make a better life for ourselves.  Make better choices.  good luck

[brice1967]

Cheating is bad news, so don't go there.  I can tell you that pregnancies change husbands too.  I'd say that as many fears/concerns that women have regarding a new baby, men/fathers have the same.  For men, we feel as if we have to be everything to everybody.  (Or at least I did, and it was really stressful... )

I suggest that you have a real good sit down talk with your husband.  No B.S., but tell him exactly what you are feeling without being critical of him.  Ask him about his stress and how he is feeling.  Let him know that this is important to you.  Perhaps he comes around.... if not, perhaps couples therapy would be a wonderful idea.

Nothing good will come from cheating....  
You don't know me, but you can trust me on this one....

[Ashelen]

No, do not cheat. If you are not happy, get out of the relationship. You don't want your child coming into the world on the note that you broke your vows to your husband, no matter how lazy and worthless he's become.

Also....you put the baby at risk if you're non-monogamous during pregnancy, because of STD's and STI's; even condoms aren't 100%.

There is nothing wrong with making friends, but LOOKING to start another relationship when you're currently in one sets a bad standard for the rest of your life. There may be a future relationship where you're unhappy, and if you cheat now, there's going to be some part of you that says you can do it again...that's how a cheater becomes a cheater.

So no, either leave your husband or force him into counseling. Churches do counseling for free in most cases, and you don't have to be a member of the church. some counselors offer services on a sliding scale as well so you CAN find somewhere you can afford.

Honestly, even if you decide to leave this man, you guys need counseling because you share a child and you will need to fix some of these issues NOW. so...I'd say counseling either way. But cheating will not make it better. it's a band-aid fix for a gaping wound, and you will regret it and it will open a can of worms you will be unable to close.

Also, if you do cheat, and your husband finds out about it during the divorce, this will go against you when you're trying to settle on your assets, and you will lose a lot of things you may have the rights to because you will be seen as having broken your part of the marriage contract.

I really am sorry that your husband is so heartless and disconnected...but cheating won't fix that, even if you feel slightly better at the time it happens. Please get you and your husband help, and get it before that sweet baby gets here.

Best of luck to you!

[Njsweetnlight]

I actually did look for prenatal classes or groups but most places charge which I can not afford right now. I have talked to him several times calmly about how I feel and he says when you want me to come upstairs and watch a movie or something then call me up. I guess that is his way of making an effort so I shouldn't complain. The only problem is that if I don't call him up or go down to see him, it is like I don't even exist in his life. If I stay at work late or if I don't come home, he won't even call or check to see if I am ok. I could be crazy and be experiencing pregnancy hormones but I think he really doesn't love me at all and that he is here for the wrong reasons. As of now I will take your advice and try to get involved with a group or something and occupy my time and be busy like he's busy it is just bad when a wife can't get support and love from her husband and he is right downstairs and doesn't even care.

[teddybears4ever2]

I don't think you should cheat. You should have a heart to heart with you husband about how you feel. Maybe find a therapist that you two can go to. Maybe you could talk to your doctor and see if there is some group for expecting mothers you can join.