What am I to do

[framos1960]

I caught my wife in conversation with a man from her past talking to each other.  She was asking him to do sexual things to her.  Turns out that she has had sex with this man during our relationship. I confronted her and she said that she does not desire me sexually and that she never had.  The reason she went out with me is that I was giving her things and taking her to places she never been before. I was also taking care of her 4 kids financially.  So after 6 years of being together she decides to do this to me.  I am overwhelmed with anger and jealousy.  We talked about working things out and letting time takes course and see how we work this out, but I have a hard time dealing with the fact that she did this to me.  We both agree to work things out but I always tend to wonder if she is still seeing this guy.  So I have been checking the cell phones,going over to her job we she is able to close her door in her office (which is where the man comes to visit her) and no one can see inside.  I really don't want to do any of this snooping, it makes me very unfortable and I go over the edge with and jealousy.  Is there anything I can do to overcome this jealousy?  How can I stop wanting to know what she is doing and who she is with every moment?  i really try hard not to let these feelings overcome me but they are really strong and most of the time hard to handle and I end up at her job snooping around.  I really just want to go back to the way we were at the begining.  I hate feeling  and acting this way.  Please help!

[megochick101]

Based on what you said: you're wife has no respect for you, she doesn't love you, she isn't attracted to you, she doesn't even seem to care that she was cheating, she only wanted you for your money and money for her kids.

Now WHY are you still with this woman?? The only way your relation ship will ever work out is if she makes some changes. Meaning she falls in love with you, she finds you desirable, she's remorseful. Only then will it work. Unless of course you don't care that she;s taking complete advantage of you. then might as well leave it as is.

I personally would pack her ****, throw it outside with the trash and call a lawyer.

[jo929]

i might have been hars, but that is the first thought that popped in my mind, i am that way sometimes very blunt, but you must know that you are being used and she will continue to use you i say Amen to Beargizmos answer, also if that is love leave me out i would never treat someone that way, and i would not be treated that way i would kick em out so fast they would not see the door, i do hope you wake up and find a way to be happy  luck  jo

[Lisi251]

I realize this may hurt & what she has done is not right but come on & have
SOME SELF RESPECT , this kind of behavior is not acceptable.I am sorry but
you also have issues to be stalking her & wanting to work out something that
has no hope.She more less has told you shes using you.

I dont mean to be unsensitive but really this is crazy

Good luck
Lisa

[Judy246]

Your feelings are justifiable and she used you in the most hurtful, degrading way and you did not deserve it. I believe she is and will be a high risk for infidelity, because the reality is that she does not love you. She loves you, but not "in" love with you.  Here are the red flags that I caught:

* Committed adultery within the marriage (That alone is grounds for a divorce). Red flag
* Never desired you sexually (Red flag).
* Selfish - She used you for "her" needs only. (Red flag)
* Used you financially for self gain and childrens interest only (Red flag)
* Still using you! She wants to work things out, because she will be in a financial
  situation also with kids. (Red flag)

What she has done is inexcusable and unexceptable. She is dishonest, an opportunist, selfish, untrustworthy, adulterous, evil spirited, because she has full knowledge and consent of behavior and willingly and knowlingly had intent She is sneaky (intent again) and her behavior has been hurtful and abusive. My advise is, "run for the hills and never look back". She has broken sacred vows and as a result she has cause you unecessary emotional distress with doubt, anger, jelousy, insecurity all negative reactions to intentional and willinful harm to you. If you want to continue with someone who in reality does not want you, then I recommend that she agrees to marriage counseling, but you deserve to be treated honestly, with respect and dignity. She has broken trust, which will take a lifetime to repair and she is a high risk for infidelity, so with that said, it is up to you, but I would divorce her on grounds of adultery.  Good luck, Judy

[PromisedLand]

I'd give her 24 hours to get her stuff and get out. and fight like h*ll for custody of the kids.


Jim

[lovemykids465]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I agree with Mami, your wife sounds like she is not really remorseful and will most likely do this again.  I think you need to let your wife know how you feel and that is is not alright and maybe seek some counseling for yourself  if she is not willing to go with you. People treat us the way we allow them to treat us.

[mami1323]

jo, I don't think he's a fool, he's just a man who is in love.  He's been betrayed and he's hurting.  Not only did your wife cheat on you, but she also told you that she was only with you because of what you could do for her and basically liked being taken care of and that she isn't interested in you sexually.  She is saying she wants to work things out with you not because she really wants to be with you, but because she is comfortable with her lifestyle and that you provide for her. I do think she will do this again to you because there is no respect for you and or real true love for you.  It sounds like you are not really what she wants but are good enough until she finds someone else who can give her all the things you have given to her.  She's got a good life, she won't leave it unless she knows she will be secure with someone else.  I understand your feelings of betrayal, I've been there and it's very hard to recover and to get the trust back.  The only way it comes back, and believe me, it will never be the way it was before but you can get to a good place again, if and only if the person you are with shows true remorse and regret and is willing to prove themself to you.  I don't feel this with your wife.  If you still choose to stay, I recommend some couples counseling, ontop of individual counseling for yourself.  You will need to figure out why you want to stay with a woman who treats you this way.  The cheating seems like the least of the issues since there is so much more going on in this marriage.  This is just the icing on the cake so to speak.  I've survived infidelity and it's not easy but my fiance has completely changed his ways.  He's showed true remorse, he's home when he says he's going to be home and he continues to prove himself to me and our son each and every day.  That's how I've been able to make it through and get better.  Please visit our infidelity group that I created.  Just click on my name and go to communities and you will find my group.  Good luck.

[jo929]

Mr you are one big fool , do you like being cheated on, do uou not want somwone to love you for yourself. if you are fool enough to put up with this then you desrve everything you get, you need to get out and get a life of your own and tell her just where to go   jo