What does one do?

[ashley911]

What do you do if you have loved someone for 3 years and you put up with their weed habits but you never wanted a guy who smokes but you still gave it a try but you know that that is not what you want but you love them?

[lovemykids465]

I know when I found out about my husbands bad habit ( found out when we were engaged)
I told him he had to choose between me or his habit. He said he chose me. I did catch him one more time and I gave him the ring back. It killed me because I really loved him. But that was 20 years ago and he hasn't touched the stuff since.

[ashley911]

Thanks so much

[Judy246]

What I've learned is that the only person we can change is ourself. In my situation, I chose to change me and not accept continued dystructive behavior by my b/f. Looking back, I made the right decision for me.

[teko]

It is pretty simple. You tell him how you feel about the weed and that you want him to give it up, and explain why. Then...

He will decide which is more important to him. You or the Weed. The question is, do you really want to know and once you do, what would be your course of action? To me it is a no brainer. So you would be finding out if he wants you as much as you want him? Let him provide the answer.

[staley]

In my experience, it is hard to change people. He is really going to want to change for himself. Even if you got him to stop for you (or even gave him an ultimatum), he may eventually resent you or just keeping doing it, but secretly. But this would depend upon how he really feels about you.

[Judy246]

I was once in a long term relationshio for 6 yrs. with a guy whom I loved dearly and developed a cocaine habit. I didn't care, because I didn't even know what the stuff was (I was a young teen), but I loved him so much that if he liked it, that was ok. Within time his personality changed, he started letting his appearance go, couldn't hold a job. I wouldn't see him for a long time and he would show up on Friday's to pick me up...oh, did I say only the Friday "payday" period and and started to asked for money, I loved him sooo much, I gave him anything he wanted. At my house he use to go into the restroom and not come out for quite sometime; I would knock on the door, he would come out and I saw the cocaine residew on the counter. My parents room was right across from it. Finally, jewelry started to disappear (mom's bacelet, neckless, etc). That was the last straw. I loved him to death, BUT once he started to steal from my house, I knew his addiction was now destructive. I loved him with my very life, BUT he was destroying himself and dragging me with him. I left him and never looked back. I will never put myself in that situation ever again and I want nothing to do with any man who has addictive bad habits.

It's your decision if you want to continue with this going nowhere lifestyle or move forward in a positive direction for you and only you. Good luck.

[ashley911]

thanks I guess ill have to ask him... he doesnt do it that often but ive put up with it for 3 yrs and dont get me wrong i love him but im tired of it ..i never wanted a guy who did that but i took a chance

[Lisi251]

Everyone is different,what doe he say when you ask him?Tell him you are considering leaving if this habit doesnt stop.Maybe that will get him to think twice about what he is doing.
Maybe he can seek some kind of help for his addiction?

[ashley911]

Thanks I love him but I don't want a man who does that anymore
And what r the chances that he would scariface
His bad habits ?

[mami1323]

You either stay and put up with it or you leave them.  Those seem to be the only two options.  Sometimes you have to do something that is hard but you know it's for the best.