Why am I doing this? (Cheating)

[dee270]

Obviously, I have no one to talk to about this. Someone please help me understand wtf is wrong with me.
Ok, to start off I am married. I have been separated over 5 years. My divorce is almost final. He was a real dirtbag, druggie loser. After I left him, I got with a great guy who treated me like a princess. We moved out of state together. 1 1/2 yrs later he committed suicide right in front of me. I moved back to my hometown and took my husband back for the final time. Nothing had changed. We split for good. Then I met a guy, who I am with now. Young, good looking, and takes care of me. Sometimes I think I love him and sometimes I look at him and want to puke. Anyway, this guy who had been after me since he helped me through my ex's suicide began talking to me online again. He has been after me for years. Finally I agree to meet him and I make up a huge lie so we can spend the weekend together. He gets the most expensive Hotel room in town, takes me out to eat, buys me expensive champagne, all that. Seriously though, nothing was there. He's 15 yrs older than me and I'm not into that. Sooo...... about a month ago I'm on myspace and I find this guy I had slept with a few times yrs ago and OMG he looked good,  like if I were to draw a pic of the perfect man, it would be him. We have a million things in common and he is my age (29, I'm 30). So of course he wants to see me again. I go over to his house, not really knowing what to expect, I mean it's been like 10 yrs since I saw him. Let's just say, we made up for lost time. And have been doing so every chance I get. Now I have convinced myself I am absolutely in love with this guy, which is really stupid for several reasons. Let's see, he lives with his mom, he's a felon, no car, raging alcoholic, I'm sure he sees at least one other girl if not several more.... and even knowing this, the few hours a week we spend together elate me so much I wonder if it's worth giving up my relationship and everything else for.

[Mr_Optimistic]

It sounds like your spilling your heart out for absolutely nothing at all.. and I apologize for your Rough life and the harsh things you have been through.. but honestly i think you should really just take a break find a place to live and reflect on in order to live in this world you must understand that we all are just people... and the people that make mistakes religiously are the ones you shy away from... stay Happy.

[dee_270]

Well, I cut the other guy out of my life completely. This will probably offend someone but he began seeing a girl of another race and it thoroughly disgusted me to the point I told him never, ever contact me again, we are finished forever, and for all I care he could drop dead. I think about him a lot and miss the drunk fun we had but he did something completely unforgiveable in my eyes, I was raised that you just don't do that, and I wouldn't touch him with a ten foot pole now. It was somewhat of a relief to have an excuse to email him and really let him have it considering he caused me nothing but trouble and heartache. I haven't cheated on my boyfriend again. He knows everything and has forgiven me for it. Unfortunately now I have the issue of guys throwing themselves at me. One in particular, he's 18 and I'm 31, and he is very forceful about it. I cheated on my boyfriend with him once and he has pursued me relentlessly ever since, at one point he was calling my phone over 20 times a day and leaving explicit voicemails. The really bad part is he moved next door to me. I love his agressiveness and I kind of like him but I would really like to stop being a **** and maybe actually try and make things work with my boyfriend. I just love men so much and I love attention from them. I don't know why this is such an overwhelming urge I have, my parents are still together so I shouldn't be looking for male approval because I didn't have a daddy or whatever. I've never been a cheater, but its like I'm out of control here and can't control myself.  

[Soonerman]

Springer Show?????  Get out of all this drama and figure yourself out; instead you bring other people into the picture and get them mixed up in this crazy story.  Quit carrying around your baggage and focusing on your pity.  

[Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D.]

I have read the thread of other's comments and I agree with some of the things that have been said- I think you need counseling. I think you need to know WHY you are doing things rather than what choices you need to make about who you do them with.  Most of the men you have described are really not good guys- they are druggies or felons or classic bad guys- by pursuing relationships with them you are being self destructive-- I don't care HOW good they are in bed--that's a quick passion that will eventually be overwhelmed by bad character or disorganized lives that are going no where.
   The divorce has obviously affected you and you need to find out who you are now, what you want out of life, and if it's not much, you need to work on your self esteem, a better job , and a man who would have some substance and character.
     I know you are having some great sex and exciting times-- but you don't sound happy- and I don't think the way you are acting now will ever make you happy. How about taking a breather, being honest in your life with others- and start re thinking what kind of person you want to be in terms of your own self respect and what you owe the people who love you.  Pepper Schwartz, Phd

[awkward]

Oh...I'm so sorry...didn't read the post right above my first post until just now.

[awkward]

P.S:  Also, if the dude finds out your cheating that could be another unpleasent experience.