Aa
Why am I doing this? (Cheating)
Obviously, I have no one to talk to about this. Someone please help me understand wtf is wrong with me.
Ok, to start off I am married. I have been separated over 5 years. My divorce is almost final. He was a real dirtbag, druggie loser. After I left him, I got with a great guy who treated me like a princess. We moved out of state together. 1 1/2 yrs later he committed suicide right in front of me. I moved back to my hometown and took my husband back for the final time. Nothing had changed. We split for good. Then I met a guy, who I am with now. Young, good looking, and takes care of me. Sometimes I think I love him and sometimes I look at him and want to puke. Anyway, this guy who had been after me since he helped me through my ex's suicide began talking to me online again. He has been after me for years. Finally I agree to meet him and I make up a huge lie so we can spend the weekend together. He gets the most expensive Hotel room in town, takes me out to eat, buys me expensive champagne, all that. Seriously though, nothing was there. He's 15 yrs older than me and I'm not into that. Sooo...... about a month ago I'm on myspace and I find this guy I had slept with a few times yrs ago and OMG he looked good, like if I were to draw a pic of the perfect man, it would be him. We have a million things in common and he is my age (29, I'm 30). So of course he wants to see me again. I go over to his house, not really knowing what to expect, I mean it's been like 10 yrs since I saw him. Let's just say, we made up for lost time. And have been doing so every chance I get. Now I have convinced myself I am absolutely in love with this guy, which is really stupid for several reasons. Let's see, he lives with his mom, he's a felon, no car, raging alcoholic, I'm sure he sees at least one other girl if not several more.... and even knowing this, the few hours a week we spend together elate me so much I wonder if it's worth giving up my relationship and everything else for.
Ok, to start off I am married. I have been separated over 5 years. My divorce is almost final. He was a real dirtbag, druggie loser. After I left him, I got with a great guy who treated me like a princess. We moved out of state together. 1 1/2 yrs later he committed suicide right in front of me. I moved back to my hometown and took my husband back for the final time. Nothing had changed. We split for good. Then I met a guy, who I am with now. Young, good looking, and takes care of me. Sometimes I think I love him and sometimes I look at him and want to puke. Anyway, this guy who had been after me since he helped me through my ex's suicide began talking to me online again. He has been after me for years. Finally I agree to meet him and I make up a huge lie so we can spend the weekend together. He gets the most expensive Hotel room in town, takes me out to eat, buys me expensive champagne, all that. Seriously though, nothing was there. He's 15 yrs older than me and I'm not into that. Sooo...... about a month ago I'm on myspace and I find this guy I had slept with a few times yrs ago and OMG he looked good, like if I were to draw a pic of the perfect man, it would be him. We have a million things in common and he is my age (29, I'm 30). So of course he wants to see me again. I go over to his house, not really knowing what to expect, I mean it's been like 10 yrs since I saw him. Let's just say, we made up for lost time. And have been doing so every chance I get. Now I have convinced myself I am absolutely in love with this guy, which is really stupid for several reasons. Let's see, he lives with his mom, he's a felon, no car, raging alcoholic, I'm sure he sees at least one other girl if not several more.... and even knowing this, the few hours a week we spend together elate me so much I wonder if it's worth giving up my relationship and everything else for.
Wow. Well said Chellybeans. Straight to the point and very well put. Dee, you should really understand that you and only you can change your destiny. If you don't believe in God, then like chellybeans said, find something to believe in. I hope that you take some of this advice and use it to your advantage. We may all not believe in the same things, or even have the same advice for you. But, we all care and want to help. So you need to take what you can use and get to it. You really do need to start by taking a good long hard look at yourslef. Go back and read your posts and try to look at this from an objective view point.
You talk in circles sometimes. Alot of what you dont want done to you, you do to others. Wow. How about taking some accountability for what YOU do. You sound like you want to place blame on your past for the way your life is. That is a nice idea, and to some may be true. But, I believe that life is what you make it. Like chelly said turn all that adversity into something wonderful. Learn from it and grow from it. Find a way to make your life better by finding out who you really are. Stop placing blame on every circumstance and person that crossed your path. Whether you are christain or agnostic or black, white, red blue or purple you can change your life and make it better.
You talk in circles sometimes. Alot of what you dont want done to you, you do to others. Wow. How about taking some accountability for what YOU do. You sound like you want to place blame on your past for the way your life is. That is a nice idea, and to some may be true. But, I believe that life is what you make it. Like chelly said turn all that adversity into something wonderful. Learn from it and grow from it. Find a way to make your life better by finding out who you really are. Stop placing blame on every circumstance and person that crossed your path. Whether you are christain or agnostic or black, white, red blue or purple you can change your life and make it better.
I really appreciate everyone's advice. I have read and re-read it trying to decide what to do. Unfortunately earlier tonight I was unable to control myself and texted my guy which ended up in me going over there, where he hugged me and kissed me (and other things) and made me feel like the most special girl in the world. I truly believe I have the purest love for him in my heart. If I were to sit down and write a list of everything I want in a man, he would fit it perfectly. Unfortunately, if I were to make a list of the qualities I can't tolerate in a relationship, he would also fit that one perfectly too. I keep telling myself if it's meant to be, it will happen. He has told me he loves me twice, so there has to be something there. I believe we were almost there before the pregnancy thing. We were seeing each other about once a week and things were going well. He probably resents me for breaking it off but I had to for my own sanity. I just don't know. I really don't. Yesterday I tried to call him and he didn't answer so I cried in my bedroom for an hour until my girlfriend came in and made me stop. Someone mentioned my parents and how do they feel about this. I am an only child and they aren't thrilled, as they adore my boyfriend as well, but they will cover for me when I go out with him. My mom, who is my best friend, regularly asks about him and warns me if I get caught I'm going to be f'ed. Honestly the only thing holding me back from really going full throttle and pursuing an actual relationship with my dream guy is I don't think he would take care of me financially and I require that in a man. I guess I'm just a weak person. I thought this was only infatuation at first but this has been going on for 7 months and my feelings only get stronger. All I want is to be happy and I don't think it will ever happen for me.
Yes, 7 months is a long time to feel something so it must be real. You should keep seeing both guys b/c you really can't do any better than either of them. Plus, it's the mature thing to do.
"I am an only child and they aren't thrilled, as they adore my boyfriend as well, but they will cover for me when I go out with him."
what the heck kind of example is that? no one should be covering for you, you are an adult!
"My mom, who is my best friend, regularly asks about him and warns me if I get caught I'm going to be f'ed. "
you should be f'ed, so you'd be forced to depend on yourself and not be dragging other people into a situation, making them lie for you, so you can be devious!
"Honestly the only thing holding me back from really going full throttle and pursuing an actual relationship with my dream guy is I don't think he would take care of me financially and I require that in a man. "
then why are you stringing the BOYFRIEND along? you are being very selfish and inconsiderate and it is time to grow up.
"I guess I'm just a weak person."
by CHOICE!
" I thought this was only infatuation at first but this has been going on for 7 months and my feelings only get stronger. All I want is to be happy and I don't think it will ever happen for me"
obsession and fantasy. it's your job to make you happy, not anyone elses. in the real world women don't live off of sugar daddies. stop making excuses and get a backbone.
"He has told me he loves me twice, so there has to be something there"
do you know how many guys will use those words to get your pants off? i mean seriously, learn to love yourself hun.
i know i seem harsh, and i could pick apart everything you say, but the point is not to point out what you're doing wrong, just that you need to realize you say absurd things as an explanation for your bad behavior. you have got to be an adult and not so selfish.
what the heck kind of example is that? no one should be covering for you, you are an adult!
"My mom, who is my best friend, regularly asks about him and warns me if I get caught I'm going to be f'ed. "
you should be f'ed, so you'd be forced to depend on yourself and not be dragging other people into a situation, making them lie for you, so you can be devious!
"Honestly the only thing holding me back from really going full throttle and pursuing an actual relationship with my dream guy is I don't think he would take care of me financially and I require that in a man. "
then why are you stringing the BOYFRIEND along? you are being very selfish and inconsiderate and it is time to grow up.
"I guess I'm just a weak person."
by CHOICE!
" I thought this was only infatuation at first but this has been going on for 7 months and my feelings only get stronger. All I want is to be happy and I don't think it will ever happen for me"
obsession and fantasy. it's your job to make you happy, not anyone elses. in the real world women don't live off of sugar daddies. stop making excuses and get a backbone.
"He has told me he loves me twice, so there has to be something there"
do you know how many guys will use those words to get your pants off? i mean seriously, learn to love yourself hun.
i know i seem harsh, and i could pick apart everything you say, but the point is not to point out what you're doing wrong, just that you need to realize you say absurd things as an explanation for your bad behavior. you have got to be an adult and not so selfish.
Have you ever heard of Napolean Hill? Here is one of my favorites:
Self Discipline:
Self Discipline,or self control ,means taking possession of your own mind.
The power of thought is the only thing in which any human being has complete unquestionable control.
We have the power of self-determination, the ability to to choose what thoughts and actions will be.
If you direct your thought and control your emotions, you will ordain your destiny.
Take charge of your life. You are what you think!
I love this saying, I have it hanging on my wall and read it often.
Good Luck, I wish you all the best.
Self Discipline:
Self Discipline,or self control ,means taking possession of your own mind.
The power of thought is the only thing in which any human being has complete unquestionable control.
We have the power of self-determination, the ability to to choose what thoughts and actions will be.
If you direct your thought and control your emotions, you will ordain your destiny.
Take charge of your life. You are what you think!
I love this saying, I have it hanging on my wall and read it often.
Good Luck, I wish you all the best.
chellybeans,
I know you're trying to help me but wow, your replies are harsh. However, maybe thats what I need.
My parents are my best friends and they will do anything for me. I mean what kind of parents would tell on their only child for doing something that makes them so happy? My friends also cover for me, as do I for them.
The reason I'm stringing the boyfriend along is because he takes care of me. Yes, I admit I am a selfish, spoiled brat. Maybe it comes from being an only child or maybe I'm just a coldhearted *****. He knows what's going on. I mean for christ sakes he found a video of me and the other guy. He just loves me too much to do anything about it. And I think when the other guy breaks my heart for the last time, I will be exclusively with my boyfriend. I just can't stop seeing the other guy now, because even looking at him makes me so happy. He is the hottest guy I have ever seen in my life and every time I touch him I feel like the luckiest woman on earth. And we have a gazillion things in common. The first time I slept with him was over 10 yrs ago so we have a history too.
I'm an old fashioned girl. I don't believe women should have to work. I have my little part time job but thats all I can handle. Also I should note I have been diagnosed with a list of mental illnesses, from severe depression, to borderline personality disorder, to adult personality disorder, anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder, and more stuff I don't remember now. And don't forget I watched the only man I ever loved completely with my heart and soul shoot himself in the head only feet from me. I haven't felt this way about another man since I was with him. In fact I have felt pretty much nothing.
As for him telling me he loved me, believe me, he doesn't have to say that to me to get my pants off. Both times he said it were as I was leaving after spending the night, I looked rough as hell, and we were saying our goodbyes and it came from out of nowhere. He knows how I feel about him and he has always been honest and upfront with me, even if the truth hurt me.
Also, he has no problem taking me around his family. I was parked in walmart parking lot having a conversation with my dad last night and he saw my car and brought his cousin over to meet me. I already know his other cousin but he has taken me around him as well. And he has went out to bars with me and almost beat some guys *** for eyeballing me. He's also very affectionate with me in public, he will hug and kiss me and doesn't care who sees.
I'm pretty sure you will all think I'm insane after I tell you this, but to me it was so incredibly romantic. A few months ago he cut his initials in my arm, and every time I look at it, it makes my heart skip a beat. He gives me things no other man ever has. He is so dominant, and I love it. He is so rough with me in bed, and it's wonderful. I've tried to get my boyfriend to do the same but he doesn't have it in him.
And I do love myself, maybe too much, as I feel I am entitled to both men until the time comes that I am forced to make a decision.I'm an only child and I know I am shallow and selfish, and my therapist and I have discussed this as well, and she understands where I am coming from. Unfortunately she moved out of state so I am without a therapist right now, unless you count my friends and family. I have gotten to the point now where I don't feel a bit of guilt for seeing him. Sometimes I wonder if I even have a conscience. If I had to guess what made me this way, I'd have to say it was my ex's suicide. Before then I had never cheated on a man, at least not first. I "revenge cheated" on boyfriends who did it to me. I guess I feel like I am entitled to some happiness after the pain I suffered from that horrible experience. Add the head injury to that, and this is where I wound up. As for being an adult, I don't think i will ever grow up. Maybe there's just no hope for me and I'm just a slut, or maybe I'm very confused. At first I thought it was the thrill of the chase, but my feelings for him keep growing exponentially as time passes. I think about him constantly. I dream about him. And before anyone says obsessive again, I very rarely call him first. That's something I just refuse to do. I figure he has 2 of my numbers, and can contact me on myspace, so if he wants to see me he knows how. Although if too much time between contact passes I get severely depressed and have a good cry or 2 or maybe more till he finally contacts me. I love this man with all I have in me, even though I know he's bad for me, and after my ex died I didn't think I could ever feel anything again. Isn't that worth something? I'm not making excuses here. I'm trying to help everyone understand how my mind works. I really appreciate any input and everything everyone has said so far.
I know you're trying to help me but wow, your replies are harsh. However, maybe thats what I need.
My parents are my best friends and they will do anything for me. I mean what kind of parents would tell on their only child for doing something that makes them so happy? My friends also cover for me, as do I for them.
The reason I'm stringing the boyfriend along is because he takes care of me. Yes, I admit I am a selfish, spoiled brat. Maybe it comes from being an only child or maybe I'm just a coldhearted *****. He knows what's going on. I mean for christ sakes he found a video of me and the other guy. He just loves me too much to do anything about it. And I think when the other guy breaks my heart for the last time, I will be exclusively with my boyfriend. I just can't stop seeing the other guy now, because even looking at him makes me so happy. He is the hottest guy I have ever seen in my life and every time I touch him I feel like the luckiest woman on earth. And we have a gazillion things in common. The first time I slept with him was over 10 yrs ago so we have a history too.
I'm an old fashioned girl. I don't believe women should have to work. I have my little part time job but thats all I can handle. Also I should note I have been diagnosed with a list of mental illnesses, from severe depression, to borderline personality disorder, to adult personality disorder, anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder, and more stuff I don't remember now. And don't forget I watched the only man I ever loved completely with my heart and soul shoot himself in the head only feet from me. I haven't felt this way about another man since I was with him. In fact I have felt pretty much nothing.
As for him telling me he loved me, believe me, he doesn't have to say that to me to get my pants off. Both times he said it were as I was leaving after spending the night, I looked rough as hell, and we were saying our goodbyes and it came from out of nowhere. He knows how I feel about him and he has always been honest and upfront with me, even if the truth hurt me.
Also, he has no problem taking me around his family. I was parked in walmart parking lot having a conversation with my dad last night and he saw my car and brought his cousin over to meet me. I already know his other cousin but he has taken me around him as well. And he has went out to bars with me and almost beat some guys *** for eyeballing me. He's also very affectionate with me in public, he will hug and kiss me and doesn't care who sees.
I'm pretty sure you will all think I'm insane after I tell you this, but to me it was so incredibly romantic. A few months ago he cut his initials in my arm, and every time I look at it, it makes my heart skip a beat. He gives me things no other man ever has. He is so dominant, and I love it. He is so rough with me in bed, and it's wonderful. I've tried to get my boyfriend to do the same but he doesn't have it in him.
And I do love myself, maybe too much, as I feel I am entitled to both men until the time comes that I am forced to make a decision.I'm an only child and I know I am shallow and selfish, and my therapist and I have discussed this as well, and she understands where I am coming from. Unfortunately she moved out of state so I am without a therapist right now, unless you count my friends and family. I have gotten to the point now where I don't feel a bit of guilt for seeing him. Sometimes I wonder if I even have a conscience. If I had to guess what made me this way, I'd have to say it was my ex's suicide. Before then I had never cheated on a man, at least not first. I "revenge cheated" on boyfriends who did it to me. I guess I feel like I am entitled to some happiness after the pain I suffered from that horrible experience. Add the head injury to that, and this is where I wound up. As for being an adult, I don't think i will ever grow up. Maybe there's just no hope for me and I'm just a slut, or maybe I'm very confused. At first I thought it was the thrill of the chase, but my feelings for him keep growing exponentially as time passes. I think about him constantly. I dream about him. And before anyone says obsessive again, I very rarely call him first. That's something I just refuse to do. I figure he has 2 of my numbers, and can contact me on myspace, so if he wants to see me he knows how. Although if too much time between contact passes I get severely depressed and have a good cry or 2 or maybe more till he finally contacts me. I love this man with all I have in me, even though I know he's bad for me, and after my ex died I didn't think I could ever feel anything again. Isn't that worth something? I'm not making excuses here. I'm trying to help everyone understand how my mind works. I really appreciate any input and everything everyone has said so far.
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