why won't my girlfriend hav sex with me

[aaron2010]

so me and my girlfriend have been together for about three years now we have a one year old and only have sex about 2-4 times a month this has been going on for almost two years at first we had sex like every night not its rare i try to iniate it but always rejected unless she wants it which is rare i do basically every thing for her i massage her feet back take her out buy her stuff bring home flowers cook for her clean take care of the baby so  she can sleep in i do almst anything she asks me to do and all i ask her to do is have sex with me or be affectionet i offer her oral she says no i love her so much and this is really hard for me she says that she doesn't want our relationship to be all about sex and neither do i but i want it more often like 2-3 times a week i'd like more but its ok but 2-3 times a week sounds good i do so much for her and all this rejection really hurts i work overnight so i don't know what she does during the night when i'm at work a few weeks ago i proposed to her she said yes and then about a week later she gave back the ring and said i'm not ready for marriage and i was really hurt but i wanted to stay with her so i did how can i get more love more sex i don't want to leave her but this really hurts and i don't know what to do

i want responses from men and women please help me

[harlequin018]

Its not birth control, or any hormonal thing. When a relationship is fresh, its exciting because you're constantly learning new things about eachother. If you have a lot in common, those new things are a great bond (or if you don't, they are excellent points for debate) and provide passion in the sack. But when you two get comfortable with each other and know one another very well, the relationship needs to evolve or it will fail. She needs to see you as a provider, as a man. You need to stop showering her with attention and gifts, the courtship is long over, and instead focus on improving yourself. If you don't workout regularly, get a gym membership. Go (back) to college and get a degree. Make it a point to find a better job or push for a promotion at the job you have. And you need to do this soon because you don't have long with her. Even if she is not cheating on you (I believe she's not), the fact that she has nothing but guy friends is proof that she's considering if the grass is greener on the other side. She might even cultivate "emotional affairs" where there's nothing physical but she's sharing an emotional intimacy with someone who is not you. All of this might not be easy to hear, but you are in complete control of this relationship and that should offer solace. Don't smother her, yet be kind. Kiss her ear or neck when you want sex, but don't force the issue or beg if she's refusing your advances. And most importantly, improve yourself.

[aaron2010]

well she is not on any birth control as far as I know and I don't all crazy about other men all of her friends are guys so I don't know what it is it really hurt when she gave back the ring I think about it alot I will give not being as nice a try

[kay2486]

it sounds like she may not be in love with you no more, or she may have met someone else, me n my boyf got engaged last year and have 2 kids n live together and he doesnt wanna get married he said he doesnt need to but i think he has commitment issues to be  honest, it hurts in a way because if he loves me then why wouldnt he want to get married? we've been together for 6 1/2 years im confused

birth control can cause mood swings and lower the sex drive, best off being on nothing and using condoms to be honest, i have terrible mood swings on the depo i tell my boyf stupid things like i hate him and hes hopeless and the day after im fine, im stopping the depo. soon

she sounds lucky to have you,

[sandy201]

Well Im a girl aaron, and Im in a relationship and I have the same problem but visa versa. He works like 18 hours a day around alot of woman too! So we fought to the point of no sex, and believe you/ me we wouldnt stop at the beginning , he coulddnt keep his hands off me 3 years ago, now nothing nada. I dont feel attractive anymore to say the least. So I know what you are going through. When I try and talk to him about it, he says to me " you need sex for you to feel loved" which is completley wrong. Then that makes me feel like a **** for even wanting it. So, yea same problem. But Im writing you for you not for me, and what I will tell you as a woman, my last relationship, my boyfriend was toooo nice, he was great , I loved him , in love with him , but he did everything I asked for him to do and then would get mad if ohter men would look at me , became very protective.. Is there any of that going on, maybe so and you dont notice. Cuz that will turn a woman off in a heartbeat!!! So my suggestion to you, start being a little different , not vindictivley, but maybe in a mild temper way just of course help with the baby and help aroungd the house thats just pure respect but quit going out of your way for her , like the foot massages and flowers. Her screwing with your head like that is bowl!@#$! Giving back the ring when you just had a baby, thats ridiculous, she either knows your the one forever or not at this point. So if shes questioning, make her realize how good you have been by stopping some of the things you did. So she will realize them and maybe somthing will click in her head, and whe will realize what a good guy shes got!  Change your ways a little and give her a taste of what it would be like without all your nice doings... Ya know ? WB and tell me how you feel about that and if your gonna do it and I will try and help you you sound like a nice guy!

[Psamathos]

Dude, I feel bad for you, man.
Anyway, has anything changed with your relationship since the time you had sex more regularly? I mean; has either of you had surgery or medication? Do you use a different type of birth control? Of course, she might be cheating on you, but I don't think so from what you're saying. I think it would show on more factors.
As you mentioned giving her head and this (naturally) being the females' most wanted act of sexuality (among.. -one sec, looking it up- 96% of the female population of a certain American college where the research was done) It can't be you not trying hard enough. How was your sex life when you still had sex regularly? I mean, how varied was it? Did you regularly try new things like massages, locations, positions, environmental factors (heat, cold, music, porn etc)?
I have no idea what you should do without knowing what "went wrong", but until you know this, counseling might work to pass the time and to get to just that answer.

[AHP84]

Is she on any birth control? Sometimes certain types of birth control can kill a woman's sex drive.
However, if that is not the case, then I gotta tell you...my husband is a lot like you are; he helps me with so much around the house and the kids, and he gives me back massages and brings me flowers and stuff like that. For me, and I think for most women, that is a major turn-on. My husband and I have two kids (a 5 year old and a 7 month old baby), so making it 2-3 times a week is a bonus, lol, but we usually try to at least make it once a week.
So the fact that your girlfriend is rejecting you after all that, and even went as far as to give you back your ring, makes me suspect one of three things: she's using a birth control that is altering her libido, she might be unknowingly dealing with depression or post partum depression, or she is simply emotionally disconnected on some level which could be caused by anything from financial issues, to lack of self esteem of her physical appearance, to a possible change with you that you're not aware of and she hasn't told you.
Could you suggest relationship couseling to her? Do you think she'd be open for that?

[aaron2010]

see thats kind of what i think and i have asked her if she is cheating or loves me she says no to cheating and yes she loves me and doesn't want to break up and she hates liars so i don't know if i should believe her i really want to believe her i love her alot

[Vance2335]

Ok so you and her used to have sex a lot, now not. Have a child together and she just gave you back your ring.

You need to sit down and talk with her because if this was me I would suspect that she is cheating or she doesn't love me. I am not saying those are the cases but that is what I would be thinking.

Not ready for marriage but has a child and lives with you...pretty much as close to marriage as you can get without saying I Do. Sounds like she might be looking for freedom to do what she wants. Overall it does not sound like a good situation.