in love with 2 people, help!

[laroo18]

I had a bf in 2005 for about 7 months. We had some misunderstandings and he eventually broke up with me. I was devastated so I would still go to him to hook up every once in a while just so I could be with him for a little bit...then I became pregnant. Then before I found out I was pregnant, I met a guy who I was instantly attracted to and we were almost inseperable during the end of that summer (we weren't dating or sexually involved tho). 2 months later I found out I was pregnant and even tho we still weren't official he agreed to stay with me and short after admitted he loved me. So I was pregnant with another man while with this guy and we were together strong until 2008 when I agreed to let the father meet his son (now 2). Well we ended up rekindling since my bf wasn't exactly perfect to me and had also cheated on me.  now its 2011 and we are still together and have our 2nd baby on the way but I still can't get my ex out of my head! It kills me

[Londres70]

I would simply think just keeping in mind that he cheated on you would be enough to forget him.  Well, that would be enough for me.  

If you find you cannot get through this then discussing this with a therapist would be my recommendation because a person doesn't constantly think about their ex if he/she is in a fullfillling, healthy relationship.  

Not judging because I don't know you; only giving my perspective on what information you have posted.  

[mami1323]

Your first thing to do to move on is to stop all contact with your ex.  Especially if you know you have feelings there and he has feelings for you.  You have a family with the father of your children.  He is there and so make that work.  There are no easy relationships.  Why add more problems when there doesn't have to be any?  

[laroo18]

Ashelen, you are right...the memories definitely are better than how the relationship actually was. I'm definitely more satisfied with my current relationship which is why I'm moth with the ex.

I guess you both are right about just simply "forgetting" him. I like the idea of having a plan to immediately think of something else if I start to think about him again. First I have to let go and stop thinking he has to be in my life just cuz he was in my sons life(since birth) when his real father wasn't...I'm going to try this

[RockRose]

My guess is,  the reason you are thinking about him is because of the sexual difficulty you're having during your pregnancy  . . . has caused your mind to wander.  Pregnant women can be very emotional - hormones - and this is probably an outcropping of that.  

The way you stop thinking of him is to just stop when you realize you're thinking about him.  You can't help that he will cross your mind,  but you can stop thinking of him the moment you realize you are.  

You need a plan for what you will think about instead.  When ____ crosses my mind,  I will think about my Christmas list instead.  Or decorating the baby's nursery.  Or what you'll make for dinner.  Have a plan,  and once you have a habit of not thinking about him,  this craving will go away.  

For him at least.  Some other guy might catch your eye during this time.  ;D

[Ashelen]

I've got to be honest...when you're in a healthy relationship, you don't have trouble with thinking about your ex. People who think about their exes are USUALLY in a "grass is always greener on the other side" scenario where the memories are better than the reality was (or else you would still be with him, right?).

I would focus on your current relationship, forget the ex (yes it's that easy) and spend your time and energy fixing whatever it is you subconsciously lack in this relationship...and I, too, think counseling will help you with this.

best of luck

[laroo18]

And this current pregnancy was planned specifically because I am in a healthy relationship.

I'm just seeking advice on possibly how to stop thinking about my ex...not to be judged. Thanks

[laroo18]

Ok I know its hard to fit this big mess in a small forum. Again, I'm not trying to get back with my ex, I simply still have some sort of feelings for him I guess which I don't want

My current relationship is fine despite minor roadbumps and he is the father if my children. He is great with our son now and excited for the next, as am I.

Long story short...was 1st with my current bf in 2005 and we ended up having a child together but breaking up and breaking ties for 2 years...then I got a new bf and was with him until things started going south for us and eventually broke up...I saw my baby daddy one day and we reconnected and haven't gone back. We r still together

[Londres70]

Whoa, difficult keeping your story straight.  

Hmmm....well

Way too much "bouncing" between these men.  I am not so sure this is any "love."  Sounds like you run to the other one when you are having problems with the other.

Definitely would recommend therapy as suggested by the above poster.  

Keep in mind you have two children involved.  Definitely wouldn't recommend any more pregnancies until you get into a STABLE, HEALTHY relationship which therapy would help you to recognize because none of this sounds HEALTHY or RATIONAL.  

[laroo18]

sorry for the confusion...the man I'm with now is the father of my 5 year old and we are expecting again. It's a long story of why we broke up and why he wasn't in our sons life for first 2 years.

But in those 2 years is when I was together with someone else who accepted me and my son but then started partying all the time which is how he ended up cheating on me and we were on and off constantly...then I saw my sons father during this time and we reconnected which is how we ended up back together and now pregnant again.

I still think about the boyfriend that accepted me and my son despite how bad he treated me towards the end. He does still love me but I don't think he would be with me anytime soon being I am pregnant again.

Thanks for the support! :)

[specialmom]

Ya know, when you were with your ex, you fought to the point of him breaking up with you.  You were so desperate to have some contact with him that you slept with him knowing it would lead nowhere.  Why does he all of a sudden seem like he'd be a great partner?  

And now you are with a man who did love you enough to stay with you and offer to be the father (which is pretty much what he is at this point) to another man's child.  You chose to have another child with him in this 2 year time frame.  Somewhere in those two years, he cheated on you and hasn't been 'perfect' to you.  

I have to ask about your choices in men.  This is of concern and somthing you should consider.  I wouldn't trust that you'd make a good decision at this point about ANY man.  I think going backwards would not be a great idea.  My best advice to you is to seek some counseling to look further inside yourself for how you got in this situation.  You were WITH this man, had been living with him for 2 years and had a child with him and then decided to "rekindle" with your ex as he was 'meeting his child' who was 2 years old.  Not sure how that happens when he is suppose to be having a meaningful introduction to his child.  

I'm just wondering if a counselor could help you sort out your life and give you some clarity about what your next step should be.  In general, I think disrupting kids lives needs to be for a really good reason and having the hots for an ex doesn't count.  If your current partner is cheating on you, abusing you, addicted to something, those are real reasons.  But just to jump beds to another man doesn't seem like it would be worth ripping your kids lives apart.  I always think we work on our primary relationship first and then we are alone for a time if that can't be worked out and then after a year or so, we go onto find another partner (usually not he deadbeat we were with a while ago.)  

Okay, I do mean this to help you.  This is just an unbiased opinion going off how you wrote this post.  I'm sure there is more to the story and hope you take this advice in the way I intended.  Just to simply say that we have to really be careful in our choices and now that you have kids, EXTRA careful is important for all of you. good luck

[boognell]

Is your ex in love with you? Have you been communicating with you? Would he want you back in his life, with his son and another man's child? If the answers to these questions are all yes, sit your current boyfriend down and have a serious talk with him about the future. You only live once, so do it wisely. Good luck and God bless.

[laroo18]

* the person I'm with now is the father btw